I AM THE IMBALANCE OF NEGLECT

April 27 2010

What if no one cares? WHAT THE F*** WILL THAT MEAN? What have I been living for? What is really keeping me alive? Is there someone in this world that I am living for? Must I always find out the hard way and suffer other people’s consequences? There is no relief. This world offers none. There is no meaning to the actions I do. My intent is unknown to myself. Everyone matters. I am not everyone. I am the imbalance of neglect. I am the F***ING IMBALANCE OF NEGLECT.

Why is it that when I am alone, I feel too lonely, and when I am with other people, I want to be alone? Why is there such an imbalance? Is it me? I bet it is. I am neglected, and I am the reason for it. I am the source of the lies that I live and that others believe. I am the imbalance of neglect.

Why am I alive?

When will it end? My heart hurts. My eyes thirst. My mind has lost motivation. When will it end? When can I finally just die?

Is my desire for death genuine? Can anyone give me an answer to that? I cannot imagine myself in the future anymore. I have stopped dreaming completely for what my future might hold. There is nothing to dream for, and there is nothing to live for. Why is everything so artificial?