September 7 2011
Actually, deep down in it. Sinking in mud, mired in particularly sticky clay that is slowing my body and clogging my thoughts.
I just can't open my eyes. It's ridiculous. I know it's ridiculous, but it exists as an incontrovertible fact. I can't bear my headache, I can't act, I can't get myself going. My brain feels increasingly divorced from my body as all my "motivational self-talk" comes to nothing. I cant sleep. I 've no rest. I lie on the sofa. I don't tidy, I don't clean, I don't create.
And it is only faced with this seemingly intractable physical reality, this absence of energy and well-being, that my mood really starts to drop, and my thoughts start to turn on the impossibility of living like this, living with this headache.
And I don't know what to do except wait it out, give up trying to motivate myself because that only leads to despair, accept that for now I am lumpen and useless and simply endure through time until something changes. But I am *so* tired of struggling with this headache, I am *so* exhausted with being like this, I just don't think I want a life like this anymore.
I understand how you feel, it is written well. but all you can do is wait it out. it is difficult when just as you know things have been better , will be better, there will also be a time when you will be back in despair. Whther it is worth living for the good times, I would hope you could say yes but that is a balnce for you to weigh...I hope on balance it is.. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel, it is written well. but all you can do is wait it out. it is difficult when just as you know things have been better , will be better, there will also be a time when you will be back in despair. Whther it is worth living for the good times, I would hope you could say yes but that is a balnce for you to weigh...I hope on balance it is.. Take care
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are way down there. I can so relate! You have helped me to realize that I am not alone in regards to how this feels
ReplyDelete