Enthiran Audio Launch Videos - Live From Malaysia

July 31 2010

Yeah, we understand that everyone around the world is eagerly awaiting to watch the Enthiran Audio launch live. Unfortunately Sun TV has disappointed many by deciding not to telecast the event live. Yours truly. www.prabhupepsi.blogspot.com is bringing you the exclusive live videos from the event venue. I Shot in my cell phone camera with maximum zoom. Sorry for the Picture Quality Anyway Enjoy!!!

Making Of Enthiran Video Shown In Audio Launch

Aishwarya Rai On Stage


Rajini Sir on Stage 1


Rajini Sir On Stage 2

We are the first releasing audio launch videos in internet keep watching us for more updates...

Video by Prabhu
All Rights Reserved to
www.prabhupepsi.blogspot.com

Enthiran Audio Launch - Live Commentary From Malaysia

July 31 2010

Prabhupepsi.blogspot.com is bringing you the exclusive live update from the event venue. Keep refreshing the page.
19.30: Welcome to Live coverage of the much expected Enthiran Audio Launch, Exclusive on Prabhupepsi

19.35: Kalanithi Maran is delivering his welcom speech now

19.40: Now showing: Enthiran exclusive pics

19.40: Now showing: Enthiran Trailer. Thalaivar Rocking and Excellent Music

19.47: Comedian Santhanam on stage

19.50: Karunaas on stage now

19.54:Vijay’s Dad SA Chandrasekar is talking now

19.57: Siva Sakthi Pandian on Stage

19.58: Dancers are on stage for the

20.01: Now showing: Kadhal Anukkal Song Trailer

20.02: Vivek on his introduction abt AR Rahman recycled his age old joke, Jai Crow song .. Aaya Aaya Aaya .. Jai Crow
20.03: AR Rahman on Stage. Rahman feels that for a long, he has been thinking of the International acceptance for our Tamil language and now thanks to Shankar, Rajinikanth, Sun pictures, Vairamuthu, Madhan Karky, he is sure that it will happen soon. Rahman also mentions abt her daughter Katheeja, who voiced for the Intro song “Puthiya Manitha”. She sang the song in all three languages – Tamil, Hindi & Telugu.

20.09: Dancers performing for Kaadhal Anukkal song

20.16: Now showing: Another trailer of Enthiran

20.18: Compering is quite pathetic .. However now Vivek is reharshing the Kannaukku Mai Alagu song …
நயந்தாராவுக்கு face அழகு;
நாசருக்கு Nose அழகு;
நமிதாவுக்கு Weight அழகு;
ஷகிலாவுக்கு height அழகு

20.21: Vairamuthu on stage now

20.22: Vivek questions Vairamuthu abt his experience in writing lyrics for scientific songs

20.22: Making of Enthiran: Enthiran is not only an entertainment Masala ; its an experience – Superstar

20.23: வைரமுத்து: எந்திரன் மிகப்பெரிய வெற்றி பெறும் என்ற நம்பிக்கை எனக்கிருக்கிறது. ஏனென்றால் சிவாஜியில் சூப்பர் ஸ்டார் ஒரு வசனம் சொல்லுவார் “சிங்கம் சிங்கிளாகத்தான் வரும்”. இந்தமுறை பல சிங்கங்களை திரட்டி வந்திருக்கிறார். ரஜினி, ஷங்கர், ரகுமான், கலாநிதி மாறன், ஐஸ்வர்யா என பல சிங்கங்களை அழைத்து வந்து ஜங்கிளாக வந்திருக்கிறார்.

20.25: வைரமுத்து: எந்திரனை ஐங்கரன் கைவிட்டாலும் கலாநிதி மாறனின் ஆயிரம் கரங்கள் கைப்பற்றியது.

20.27: வைரமுத்து: நான் முதன் முதலில் பாடல் எழுதியது ”பொன் மாலைப்பொழுது” என்றாலும், என் பாடலை முதன்முதலில் திரையில் உச்சரித்தது சூப்பர்ஸ்டார் ரஜினிதான் (காளியில்) .. என் பாடல் வரிகளுக்கு முதன் முதலில் திரையில் பாடியது ரஜினிதான். இப்போது என் மகன் மதன் கார்க்கியின் பாடலுக்கும் வாயசைக்கிறார். எங்கள் குடும்பத்தின் சார்பாக நன்றி

20.30: Now showing: Making of Enthiran

20.38: Now dancers on stage for Arima Arima song

20.41: Men in Robots (Costume) dancing for Arima Arima song

20.42: For those curious of seating posn  , Aish sits next to Super star and so Kalanidhi Maran.

20.44: Next on stage – Director Shankar

20.45: Vivek on Shankar – கிராபிக்ஸ் கிராதகா, அதிரடி அனகோண்டாவே , அழிச்சாட்டிய Octopusயே, Creative காண்டாமிருகமே, எந்திரனின் தந்திரனே .. மேடைக்கு வருக

20.47: Shankar: The only film that gone for 100 days in Malaysia is Jeans. In addition to the team in Jeans – Rahman, Vairamuthu, Aishwarya, Now Superstar joins with us for Enthiran. I’m sure Enthiran will run for 200 days in M’sia

20.50: Shankar: Every one in the Endhiran team is capable of winning Oscar awards including Anthony, Sabu Shril in addition to Rahman & Resul Pookutty

20.51: Rahman has composed an excellent Tribal song ” Kilimanjaro” for this scientific film

20.52: செம ரெஸ்பான்ஸ் when Shankar pronounced “Yogi B” name

20.54: Shankar: Everyone will accept tht Rahman deserves well for Oscar by composing “Puthiya Manitha” song

20.55: Shankar: Vairamuthu did an extensive research with the help of web abt Lion, when it requires for the song

20.59: Shankar: Aishwarya Rai can be called as “Lady Rajini”

21.02: Shankar salutes Rajini’s Hardwork

21.03: Shankar: Kamal and Vikram are well known for their hardwork for different getups. For the first Rajini sir puts equal or more effort than them

21.04: Shankar says the second person responsible for this dream project to be a reality is Kalanithi Maran

21.07: Next on stage: Aishwarya Rai

21.09: Aish: Enthiran will be a landmark film in Indian cinema

21.11: Aish: For Shankar “Nothing is Impossible”. Jeans is a landmark of my carrier

21.12: Aishwarya appreciates Vairamuthu’s lyrics 

21.15: Aish: Rajini sir is an epitamy of Patience and times it is tough for a co-star to stop watching him

21.17: Now peforming: Irumbil pootha Idhyam song

21.23: Shankar during his talk remembers abt Writer Sujatha, who is the backbone of such a wonderful script possible in Tamil

21.26: Next on stage – Superstar Rajnikanth
21.27: A to the B to the C .. இவர் உடம்பில் ஓடுது Electricity .. E to the F to the D .. ஸ்டைலுக்கு இவர்தான் University – விவேக் abt Rajni

21.29: Superstar Rajni on stage now … Sivaji the Boss – Enthiran the Mass ..

21.30: Rajini starts by “எல்லாப்புகழும் இறைவினுக்கே”

21.31: Rajini thanked the four pillars of Enthiran “Kalanithi Maran, Shankar, Aishwarya Rai & Ar Rahman”

21.32: Rajini also thanked Simbu, Jeyam Ravi, Ramya Krishnan, Vadivelu for their presence

21.33: Rajini says Enthiran will be remembered as the “First Indian Scientific Picture on the Hollywood Quality”

21.36: Rajini: “Shankar is a wild horse”

21.37: Rajini: Usually i add few elements in all my films; but for the first time i never did anything new and i did what was instructed by the director

21.38: Rajini: ஐஸ்வர்யா ராய் மாதிரி ஒரு உலக அழகியை நம்ம ஜெனரஷனலையே பார்க்க முடியாது

21.40: Rajini wishes Kalanidhi Maran to become the biggest industrialist in India in future

21.42: ”எம்ஜிஆருக்கு எப்படி வாலியோ அப்படி எனக்கு வைரமுத்து” – Rajini

21.44: Enthiran மாதிரி ஒரு டீம் இருந்தா 234 தொகுதியும் okதான் -Rajini

21.44: Superstar in his usual style shares a short story 

21.45: As usual in any event, SuperStar’s speech is the highlight of the event

21.48: Now Performing: Enthiran Theme

21.49: Now நன்றியுரை From Saxena (Sun Pictures)

21.51: Saxena: All the Audio CDs were sold in 2 hrs time after the release. ( However he didnt share any number on this )

21.53: Saxena: Enthiran will be released on September

21.54: Saxena: Enthiran is a Pinnacle of Tamilcinema

Enthiran fever starts.....

July 30 2010

The count down starts right now 86400.. 86399.. 86398.. Only 24 hrs is there to watch Enthiran Audio release. Rajini's Enthiran is likely to hit the screens in the first week of September. We got the invitation for  the audio release which will be held in 7.30pm Plenary Hall, Putrajaya International Convention Center, Putrajaya, Malaysia on tomorrow. So we are ready to catch our flight now to reach Enthiran and additional good news is, Astro providing this exclusive content in HD (Chan 222) as well. This HD channel will be available from 31st July at 6am onwards until 8th August midnight 12am.

None the F****ing wiser

July 29 2010

So, I think you have all the answers?
Think you know it all
When someone tries to talk,
You have to disagree
Always fighting.
Have you stopped to listen?
There’s a person speaking,
But all you hear is you.
You push potential friends away
You make the world uncomfortable
If only you could see
That you’re not always right
When your buried in the ground
There, upon your gravestone
Engraved below your name
The written words will read..
…….“None the F****ing wiser”

I write when I am upset and alone...

July 28 2010

Sometimes I miss my writing.  I wonder if I’ll remember anything at all… about what’s going on in my mind lately.  My memory is not very reliable.  There are many blanks in my past and the only thing that fills them is what I've written at the time.   Still, what I write is not completely reliable. Memories change with moods.  Memories change with aditional information.  Memories change too much.  In my obsessive search not to forget, I’ve collected everything from photos to blogs, pieces of paper, chocolate wrappers, gifts, sounds, and the list keeps going.  I don’t know what to do with so much ,or how to organize it, or if it’s worth it, or if it helps, or if I’ll even look at it again.  But I don’t want to forget anything, and I don’t want to lose perspective of anything at all.  And it drives me mad. My brain is not good enough for my high aspirations.  Nobody’s brain is.

I’m reading this or that book, playing this or that game), but somehow this says more, and will say more to my future self who reads it about what I want to know.

Life is too short anyway. Will my future self be in any condition to read this and try to add it to the never ending  game?  I don’t mean to get philosophical.

OLEANZ + side effects?

July 27 2010

I've been prescribed OLEANZ + to augment the effect of my antidepressant. I know a bit about textbook side effects, but I was wondering if anyone reading has ever tried this drug and what kind of side effects you got from it.

Thanks. :)

Destroying myself

July 26 2010

It’s been so hard to write.    I feel bad coming here to write only to complain and cry…  but I probably shouldn't feel that way.  I shouldn't, because I try to be strong the whole f***ing time, all while thinking I’m not supposed to complain, that I’m supposed to take all the air and survive.  Well, let this be that tiny corner of the world where I don’t HAVE TO.

I feel like I constantly need to justify myself, not to anyone but to my own mind.  Reminding myself that I’m lucky, that I have things going on for me, that my family is taking care of me and who understands me completely, fights along with me, gives me a reason to be alive everyday and I have the most awesome brother(my SARAVANAN anna) in the universe. My physical health is fine by all parameters, even though I feel horrible due to the meds withdrawal.  I mean I don’t have any “serious” physical medical condition and I fear it terribly.  So I keep saying in my head, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, and being fine means that I definitely have no right to feel this horrible.

But I do.  Most of the time I’m only surviving.   Trying to do my best while thinking that in reality, I’m just being spoiled and lazy and I only need to be comfort and then I’d learn the hard way to become a normal human being.   But when I’m saner and can think more objectively, I realize that taking away my only support would only kill me faster, and maybe unconsciously I just want it all to be over by destroying myself.

Non issues

July 25 2010

When I’m at my worst – which is almost every moment of every day in the past few weeks, especially the last one, my head fills with pain and unsolvable problems of all kinds that knock me around in every direction. However when I have a couple of euthymic minutes or hours, I realize all the stuff that tortured me were mostly non-issues. Is it even worth it then, to go through these problems, to talk about them, to discuss them internally? Probably not.
Sometimes, I leave myself little notes when I’m healthier, that it will pass, that it’s the illness, not me, that I’m not stupid, that I’m loved, etc, but there seems to be a major problem of communication.

Better Alone

July 24 2010

(I write this poetry when I was alone in Elliot's Beach, Chennai)

A Pollachi butterfly
That’s how,
You remember me.
It was all a lie
And the people,
In my surroundings
Used to laugh,
At my jokes
But now they only laugh at me…..

When I don’t feel right
Hello! when I need to talk
Don’t, call me
On the telephone
Cause I’ll call you
When I want

Used to chat
For hours
When I still could
Forget that
Every time I speak
These days
Its hard to hear
Because it’s muted
From the voice that’s in my mouth

I want to be alone
Just want to be alone
Because it’s easier
So easy…..to be…….me

Things to do

July 23 2010

Buy another shoe
Enthiran CDs
A night pants
Repair my bike
Petrol
Alcohol
Hair cut?
Nah, hair gel
Drive
Rock
Roll
Drive

Wake up and not feel tired
And last but not least for the above all things 

I should start my new project

note to self: don’t die (ryan adams)

July 22 2010

I’m as blue
I’m as blue as the ocean is true, it’s just reflections of the sky
I’m as cold
I’m as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Note to self: don’t die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Don’t change, just lie
I’m as sick
I’m as crass as the things in your past, you wished that you could let them go
Caged birds
Caged animals starving for class
In your house when you’re alone
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Note to self: don’t die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Don’t change, just lie
Who do you call when you’re alone
Nobody, baby
Who do you want to be, figure out and just let me know
Don’t change, don’t change, don’t change
Just let me go
Just let me go
Just let me go

(album rock n roll

What happened to you ? (A*****)

July 20 2010

I don’t believe that anyone was born with distrust, anger, paranoia or even fear. We were not born with anxiety, bad attitudes or prejudice. We’ve all acquired these things along the way. They are born of pain we have suffered. Pain that we have not sufficiently come to terms with. Pain that we still feel. Pain that we are so desperate to alleviate that we can lash out at any time.

Yikes! Sounds rather dark and scary doesn’t it?

To some extent I think it’s actually true for everyone. While there are varying degrees of pain and suffering that we hold onto, still (and only you know this) there are things we struggle to let go and struggle to forget.

Writing them out can help. Empathy and understanding from others helps. Keeping them locked in has not helped anyone.

So let go of it and tell me.

What has happened to you?

we’re used to it

July 19 2010

What bothers me the most about  greed, violence, apathy, selfishness, pollution, poverty and cruelty is that we’re used to it.

I am back with quotes from famous people

July 16 2010

“The Bomb? Well actually my wife gets most of the credit for that one. I was developing the first microwave oven and she tried to cook eggs with an iron skillet.. ” – Robert Oppenheimer

“It was just a joke really. I was trying to explain mathematically why relatives are so annoying so I started with the idea that Einsteins = Miserable Company squared. It’s amazing what the scientific community are willing to take and run with.” – Albert Einstein

“Well it should be pretty clear to everyone now what a great actor I am. Most of the characters I’ve portrayed are really nice people.” – Mel Gibson

I admit that my claims of hearing God’s words were just a tactic to get people to donate, but then one day, I woke up and he really did speak to me in a loud voice. He told me quite clearly to “Shut the Fuck Up”. – Jerry Falwell

“Ha ha ha..yeah, I was pissed.” – God

I am going to...

July 15 2010
...take a little vacation. Seems the time for that has come. So yeah, I hope all my Blogger friends won't completely forget about me...;)...and I ll be back in 10 to 15 days. I ll miss you ALL...& I'm sure I'll be peeking at your Blog posts every now & then still. Take care!

~Your friend,
     Prabhu

Winner of my 600th blog Giveaway is....

July 14 2010

She remembered something specifically about me. And I love that! It was a pretty BIG thing when I was thinking of who should win this giveaway. My first question was Name TWO of my favorite persons? I was very happy she remembered I LOVED my brother SARAVANAN Anna and her daughter KRITHI(they are my all-time favorite persons)

The second one was If you could describe MY BLOG in 3 words, what would those words be?
she answered  Feel Love Life.

And the third question was If I were stuck on a desert island, name 3 things you think I would bring. And her answer is
1. Computer with Internet data card
2. My Corby Phone
3. AR Rahman's Cd's
And she is none other than SRUTHI

Thanks SO much to ALL who participated in this giveaway. I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently for a while. I appreciate that. So all I need now is for you to email me your address. Please congrat her everyone...

Meme 2wenty

July 13 2010

Another About Me Meme

1. Are you currently in a serious relationship?
Serious....seriously Nope ....;(

2. What was your dream growing up?
I wanted to travel to Australia ...but I don't have any idea how to.

3. What talent do you wish you had?
The talent to make money...literally...to have my own money-makin' machine.

4. If I bought you a drink, what would it be?
A White Russian, yum.

5. What was the last book you read?
Oooo, don't know...I never get very far in books.

6. What zodiac sign are you?
Gemini.

7. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
No piercings (except ears...which one hole always closes up, ergh!). No Tattoo.

8. Worst habit?
Terrible attention span.

9. What is your favorite sport?
I don't care for sports.

10. Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
Both...but overall I'm pretty optimistic.

11. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
If I really have to think about it, then it can't even be normal  right?!? Honestly I was in jail for 13days.

12. Tell me one weird fact about you.
I don't know if this is WEIRD or what but you ll be despise about me!

13. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
How could they be cute? They are terribly creepy!

14. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would like to no scars in me quite often.

15. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Clearly Conscience.

16. Ever been arrested?
YES!.

17. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Travel overseas...visit Australia.

18. What's your favorite place to hang out at?
Topslip is nice.

19. Do you believe in ghosts?
I've never seen one...so I'm unsure.

20. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Computers, spend time in my room alone.

21. Do you swear a lot?
If I have a reason to.....;)

22. Biggest pet peeve?
Greedy people!

23. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Someone once called me "eccentric." I asked if that was a good or bad thing, she said good. ^_^

24. Do you believe/appreciate romance?
Oh I believe it...and I appreciate it!

25. Do you believe in God?
No.

Enjoy your Monday. I'm actually going to a shower....errrgh...

Some times... Meme 9teen

July 12 2010

Sometimes I just need: A hug .
Sometimes I want: To wake and know someone really does love me besides my parents.
Sometimes I like to: know what is going on in my head.
Sometimes all it takes: Is a little too much vodka and before you know it someone have got you again!!
Sometimes I picture: What you all look like funny.
Sometimes I wish: I had one chance.
Sometimes I find: no one cares for me at most inconvenient times.
Sometimes I take: great joy in learning new things.
Sometimes I look: like a lazy idiot.
Sometimes I hate: myself for having a heart.
Sometimes it’s nice: to be told you are loved.
Sometimes it hurts: to be alive.
Sometimes it makes me happy: to see my parents laughing especially when they are alone.
Sometimes it’s sad: to eat dinner alone at night, but then you only have to please yourself as to what you cook or don't.
Sometimes I listen: to AR Rahman at night to help me sleep.
Sometimes I sleep: with my arms and legs wrapped around my pillow.
Sometimes I like to watch: how people act around each other especially in town or at the traffic lights.
Sometimes I feel: all it takes is a smile and good manners, they are free.
Sometimes I rant: when my bro guru asks me something.
Sometimes I never: let my nails grow.
Sometimes I really: wish she could see and feel what I see and feel....

Reserved for only you

July 11 2010


You've become a memory

Our days together seem so far from me

like fog on glass, it’s so hard to see

into the other side.

Time ticks on and the world keeps spinning

but memories of two loves grinning

are so distant they start dimming

leaving me alone.

Yet despite the distance; the miles away

in your hands my heart does stay

my love untarnished, without decay

is reserved for only you.

                                            - Rachel
This is what I like to say her....

It’s been too painful

July 10 2010

I've struggled making a post because I wanted to write something in response to the person (Anonymous - ss) who recently comments on my post. I really thank for your kind and energetic words. But life it’s been too painful to continue with it.

The juxtaposition of me and her personalities was emotional complexions. Writing caused me to mentally re-experience some of the neglect and abuse of my past and I’m not willing to do that. I still want to keep it buried. It defines me.

I felt relief when I allowed myself to throw out the post and then I listened to a song which I’ve listened to many times before, except I really heard it this time.

“Do you carry every sadness with you
Every hour your heart was broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with you”

Someone wrote that.  I don’t think they could have unless they had an understanding of deep emotional pain or else a hell of a lot of empathy.

It touches me because it’s the very explanation of how I live.  Don’t think of me enjoying life because it doesn't happen and I never allow myself relief from my sadness. My spirit is mortally wounded.  I don't have the blues, I am  not coming out of this, this is my burden, I can’t let go.

I Blame Myself

July 8 2010

All the terrible feelings are coming back. Unhappiness, not belonging, not feeling at home, no direction, loneliness, all these things.  I want to start over. I can’ t stand anything about myself. I can’t stand anything about anyone else either.  Someone asked me what I thought about Anipra ugh! Every time  I hear her name some of my brain cells die. I began to think how if I were an animal I’d dig a hole and die in it.

Nothing seems to have a point anymore, at least I can’t find any.  People are so fake and make themselves more important than they actually are; embellishment is the status.  I’m nothing and I freely admit it. I am a waste of human flesh and don’t deserve the breath I breathe.  Why am I here? Others deserve my place.

I blame myself.

Take me where pain can’t find me...

July 7 2010

Take me to the place
where I can be free
Where pain can’t find me
Where the rivers aren’t salty with tears
Where words are useless
Because feelings tell the story.

Where there are
No misunderstandings
No abuse
No pain
No wound
No tears
No worry and
No chance of being too late.

Take my hand
Take me to the place I long for
Take me to the place where lots of love
Take me to the place where lots of laughs
Take me to the place of peace.

Take me to you
Lead me
Hug me
Kiss me
Love me &
Feel me ......

Drowning in the lost love

July 6 2010

I hate what I've done to her. what she’s done to me.
I cry out in pain.
The tears fall down my cheeks.
Empty.
I feel empty.
Without her.
Without her warmth.
Care.
Want.
Desire.
Love.
I miss her.
She doesn't needs me.
I want her.
But now                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
She’s gone.
Like a magician and his puff of smoke.
Just… Gone.
Time freezes.
And I sit here.
Alone.
Pitiful                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
Can’t breathe.
Can’t swallow.
Drowning in the lost love.
Of her.
Of me.
I feel what she feels
But she doesn't feels what I feel.
We lay
Alone.
But together.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
Only with the essence of who we were
So yes.
Emptiness is what I feel
Without her....

I am talking about me...

July 5 2010

I see a star and wish upon it that one day everyone could disappear or I could die,in my mind there is silence in the real world theres nothing I care about. I wanna not see and hear anyone and the things people tell me keeps getting worser and worser asking myself
WHY I'M SUFFERING? 
and 
WHY DOESN'T WISHES COME TRUE?. 

People ask what happened to that 
FUN, 
HAPPY 
and
ROMANTIC PRABHU?

He was
He would answer
He grew up and saw the real truth
He was introduce to the real world he found hatred
He found better
He knows better than what he used to know.

Guess what the man was hiding and hanging? what the wrong crowd and you would think he learned his lesson by now to yet but soon he will in time until that day comes...
I'M TALKING ABOUT ME.

I switched from ME to HE and don't ask

Why won't they go away...

Walking in the Rain

July 4 2010

Am I just walking in the rain,

Or am I crying?

Makes no difference to you.

You can’t see the silent tears,

That I’ve hidden throughout the years.

You can’t see the scars I hide.

Or the stains of tears I’ve cried.

You can’t see my blackened heart,

Or the life I have loathed from the start.

You can’t see what I’m possessed to be,

Or what’s really inside of me.

I love myself...

July 3 2010

If there is 100 people in the room and if suddenly a dragon came,it will choose only me to kill.Only I will be unlucky among all. This happens every times. I build my house with hopes,and it get broken every time.

Why i am so unlucky?
Why i have to face all bad things every time??
What is my fault???

I am a general person with some general dream and wish in my life. Then why you choose me to destroy. I just want to ask this question to the god,when I will be there. I have no support. When everyone needs me,they come with there sweet words and use me and then leave me. I hate those people,unfortunately they are all around me. No one to care about me. I am the one in this world who born with bad luck and unsuccessful. I am very positive and hardworking person I don't want to die. Thats why I still can’t cut my nerves, I cut my hands,but just can’t kill myself. Cause I love my self. I deserve a good peaceful life. I don't know,how many days I will survive. I heard that god helps those people who tries.But I think he changed the rule for me. I just lost interest of everything in this world.I dont want to born again in this hell world.

The Forgotten Heart...

July 2 2010

I am not good in writing poetries but I tried some what....

Happiness lays wasted,

Times now dead and gone,

Sadness consuming now,

Innocence taken,

No choices,

Yourself once hated,

A life now void of meaning.

Clutched in sorrow, no way out,

Judgment not clouded,

I’m Free

A lifeless body on looked by faces

All my memories erased

Fly on broken wings,

A lucid dream,

A mind no longer by a disease of pain

A permanent ending, lasting eternity

Never selfish, loved all, lay waste to vanity,

Another statistic, a suicide, always remembered.

Carved in my wrists, the solution finally exists,

Drowned in eternity, a broken heart

Never heals, Pain never erased

Take your wings, now broken,

Because its a forgotten heart......

NERD Of The year

July 1 2010


PS: Sruthi my friend send me this picture
If you say that someone is a nerd, you mean that they are stupid or ridiculous, especially because they wear unfashionable clothes or show too much interest in computers or science.

E..'' C''''... H''''....ooooooo.....

June 30 2010

This isn’t my best but I just wrote it. Please tell me if you like it.

Hi!….​​​​​​​​​​​ Hi!
Hello?…​​​​​​​​​​​ Hello?
Is ANYONE here?… ​​​​​​​ * Is ANYONE here?
I’m here ​​​​​​​​​ .* * * * * I’m here
Why are you yelling me? ​​​​​ ….* *Why are you yelling me?
Stop it!…../ Stop it!
This hurts my head!……. This hurts my head!
Because……. ​​​​​​​​​ * *Because
You are not  me……. ​​​​​​​​​ * * *You are not  me
And I am not yo…….. ​​​​​​​​​ * And I am not you
In my mind​​​​​​​​​ * *….. * In my mind
An echo. …….. An echo

Its only ME,
In a mirrored room.
Alone,
Without a care.
Why all are prattle joyously,*I n f i n i t u m.
Smiling,
Laughing,
Pretending to be fine,
Alone,
With
My
Echoing mind
My
E..'' C''''... H''''....ooooooo.....

My last letter to Anitha...

June 29 2010

People like me can't express our emotions in words. But we can write them easily I can fill thousands of pages, millions of times with... I love you Anitha.' But now not once could I say it to you. Perhaps that's why you left me alone. Many things frighten me, Anitha. But nothing frightens me more than the thought of losing you. I was scared then... and I'm scared now..I missed you Anitha. I know I can't reach you or I can't get you in my whole life. My mom would say that there are two kinds of people in this world good people who do good deeds...bad people they do bad. that's the only difference in human beings and there's  no other difference.  But I thought one day I would achieve my love and humanity to all. But I failed. In chapter five, verse 36 of the Quran, Allah has decreed that... the wound of one innocent heart is equal to the death of humanity. How can I threw my anger and grief?. I knew you and your family hurt me and left me alone...you made me zero. Because of this I had to start my life from the beginning. But I did not know that I would have to pay the biggest price, Anitha. Why did this happen to me Anitha? why? Yup! what ever happens I ll keep this love with me... for me... for you... for ever! Anitha come back to me. come back to me, love. come back to me. Please come back. Don't leave me. Don't leave me, please. Come back to me please. Please come back, please....Anitha don't leave me......       

I've lived my life incorrectly

June 28 2010

After Anipra gone from my life addiction kicked in soon after. I was laid up at home by myself and I didn’t know what to do. I was so lost.. and I just wanted to visit her and I asked for an appointment. she refused me. I tried to tell her everything, but once I told her about my problems she told me to ask her father. Then I told her "I am dead and I'm no more in your life".  Till now I never met her.

“I don’t help criminals.”
"I didn't kill anyone."
"I didn't rob anyone."
"I didn't steal.."

It’s been five days. everyone I've asked for help has turned their backs on me. Humans are so selfish. Everything they do is for self-gain. They don’t help others because they just want to save time. Or they want to help others just because it makes them feel good about themselves.

That night, I finally realized what it was like to be pushed beyond the edge. the hopelessness, the loneliness, the disregard for health and life itself, the apathy for anything and everything.

I realized that I don’t need to cry for help anymore since no one is going to come. I've lived my life incorrectly, but I'm no longer going to sit around and cry about it. This life will not have been for naught.

Instead, I ll never be selfish, untrustworthy, and evil. I'm going to use what I've learned in my life.

If I am not reborn, it will be even better. I’ll never have to see anyone ever again.

goodbye.

I go where it takes me....

June 27 2010

A little street that don't walk the same
A coffee shop that used to call my name
A rusty old swing set
In the park where we first met

Seems everything is falling down
Don't look the same since she left town
I can't take seeing old mistakes
One more day

I'm packin' up
I'm pullin' out
I'm gonna grab what's left of my heart
Go where it takes me

I'm cuttin' loose
I gotta move
'Cause this ain't my town no more
Since Anitha got married

We planned a house up on that hill
I had a job waiting at the mill
Someday a yard full of children
That's all we talked about, but then


One day she just started to cry
Said she was sorry, then she said goodbye
I guess it's time I let go
What's already gone

Packin' up
I'm pullin' out
I'm gonna grab what's left of my heart
Go where it takes me

I'm cuttin' loose
I gotta move
'Cause this ain't my town no more
Since Anitha got married

Everywhere I look, I still see her
I can't take it no more

I'm packin' up
I'm pullin' out
I'm gonna grab what's left of my heart
Go where it takes me

I'm cuttin' loose
I've gotta move
'Cause this ain't my town no more
Since Anitha got married
Since Anitha got married


This song was composed by dunae steele in 1996. I think its really suits me. My friend sruthi send me this song.

Downhill

June 26 2010

I really don’t know what to do anymore. My life is going downhill. My beliefs are turning against me. It feels like nobody wants me here, so if I ended my life, everyone would be happier. I don't know what to write. I think I am ranting so I ll stop here.

Unknown letter

June 25 2010

Dear Prabhu:

I would listen to the kindly, considerate part of yourself that does not want to commit suicide because it would upset the people around you. It has a life-giving message for you.

If you are here on this earth, it is likely that you are here to carry out some task or purpose. Consider giving yourself some time to discover what it is.

It is very natural for 30's something you people to feel unhappy because they feel that they are not going anywhere, have no “place” in the world and to start feeling like they “don’t belong here.”

They are (quite naturally) impatient to learn what it is that they are supposed to be doing, and sometimes feel blank or empty or sad or lonely because their life purpose has not become clear yet.

But one’s life purpose is not always revealed quickly to a person.

Only a few people recognize their life purpose in their 30s.

Since you are at the middle of your life, you still have a few years to discover why you are here. As you gradually discover what you are here to do, you will take classes, join groups, meet new friends, etc., who will share your interests and outlook.

Then you will feel less lonely.

With regard to the suicidal thoughts prabhu consider getting a counselor or therapist, and possibly getting some anti-depressant medication if they recommend it.

Your sadness is understandable, but it is getting too intense and disrupting your life. It is likely becoming a serious depression. A counselor or therapist can help you deal with the negative thoughts, and work with you to get on a more positive path, so your life will be less painful and have more joy.

Cordially,
Fighting to Survive (been there)

Idk

June 24 2010

Okay well I know I’m not too young but i constantly have this thought I shouldnt be here anymore. I try to be happy, I try to be myself but deep down I just feel like being alone and crying inside. I have no idea what I want anymore. I see myself going nowhere In life. Ive thought about killing myself and everytime I try to I cant bring myself to do it because I think of how other people would feel. I don't know I’m just ranting, I’m sorry.

Anitha got Married

June 23 2010

The pain is immense, I can’t go on I scream at GOD and ask why? But there is no answer. I can’t go on living, feeling what I feel. The torment is eating me alive, I am dying inside, just as I found hope, She was snatched away from me. At the same time writing this I can no longer envision a future, I no longer have hope, everything has been taken from me. From my fiancée, to my home and my life has reached an impasse.  It’s a make or break time and I feel completely broken. I’m staring into an depth and this time there is no light at the end.


 I am both physically and mentally traumatized. As a loved person I lost my Anitha…This day I am shut off from the world, I didn’t; no couldn’t speak with anyone because I didn’t understand why the accident happened, I tried to find some kind of justification but couldn't. I stopped interacting with people as it was the only way I could survive. I went into shock, I couldn’t communicate and the world had become a dark and lonely place. I wasn’t prepared for this farewell of a person I loved.

Goodbye Anitha & i miss you more than anything in the world...   

Darkness

June 22 2010

I have been struggling with my inner demons and haunted by the ghosts of my past for most of my life, and I simply don’t know how much more I can possibly take. I’m just not strong enough to keep fighting off the inner darkness that much longer, sometime sooner or later it’s going to engulf me… and I won’t survive.

How bad I feel...

June 21 2010

It feels weird to be sitting here writing this on some random blog on the internet when I've never told a single person in my life how I really feel…guess that’s the thing about the internet you don’t really have to fear what you write…but anyway guess here it goes…

A couple of years ago my girlfriend broke up with me, yes I know your thinking this how all suicide stories start, but to be honest this started even before then…I just get no real pleasure out of my life.

So here I am again contemplating what has steadily become more and more of a real solution…the idea of not having to keep each day up honestly feeling so down and dragging myself through each hour until finally going back to bed and barely sleeping seems pretty great…

My family have been good to me…my dad and I have never been close and my mum is termagant( she never accept mistakes)  but they’re good people…my friends have been there for me too I guess but I could never tell any of them just how bad I feel…

I guess that is about it really…I dunno where I am with suicide now but really the notion of living for another 20…maybe 30 years is an awful idea to me…maybe some people just aren’t meant for this life…it’s never felt right to me.

Kill me:(

June 20 2010

I had thought of many reasons of not living. Unfortunately, i forgot most of them.  It seems i think of stuff, then i forget about them.  I think suicide is a very reasonable course of action to take for people like me.  I have no friends and I am not concerned with my well being family.

 I am not someone who is looking for a cure for my loneliness.  I am not looking for love or happiness.  I just want to die.  There is no one out there for me.  Even if i met someone, I would destroy their lives.  I am a disease on humanity.  I deserve to be killed.

I used to think that i only needed 3 things in my life, a loving wife, a good job and I keep my parents,surroundings happy. Now i work 12 hours a day, come home sleep till morning, and do it all over again.  When i sleep im not thinking, or a coma wouldnt be so bad either, i could use one of those, stop these horrible memories.

Its very disturbing to know, I wasnt born to live in this manner.  Kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me. 

Lazy days!

June 19 2010

Ever have one of those really really really lazy days? Where you just want to stay home and relax and lounge around? That's what I want to do today

Meme Ei8hteen

June 18 2010

The Oh My! Meme, Part One

1. The phone rings; who don't you want it to be?
Anybody from Pollachi

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes!

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
2nd !!

4. What was the last compliment that someone gave you?
You are a f***ing crap!

5. Do you play the lottery?
Nope

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, who would you want with you?
Anipra

7. Do you like to ride horses?
Yes

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Nope

9. What is your favorite party game?
Nothing!. Get fully drunken and kinky...

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
Reject

11. When was the last time that you lied?
Oops!! an hour before...

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
Sure

13. If you have a S/O, who pursued who? If not, do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Pass

14. Use six words to describe yourself.
No more no less than you 

15. Name a song that could make you cry?
Ore kana from guru

16. Are you pleased with your education?
Nope

17. How do you feel about gun control?
Good

18. If your house was on fire, what thing would be the first thing you grabbed?
My computer

19. How often do you have a romantic weekend?
Never after Anipra

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
Yes a lot

21. What was the last adult magazine that you have read?
Play boy

22. What are you told about your eyes?
Attractive

23. How tall is just right?
As I am

24. Where is your dream house located?
Pollachi

25. Do you have a secret fetish?
Many

26. Have you tried bourbon? If yes, what type?
No but I am mad of vodka

27. When was the last time you were at Marry brown?
Once in a month

28. When was the last time you were at Temple?
March 2

29. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
To hall

30. What was your favorite job?
Hardware engineer

Proactive in my life

June 17 2010

I've decided to be proactive in my life from this birthday. To go out and do stuff and explore new ideas and places and muses. I need to get out and see the world, coffee shop, park, town, city, and state etc etc. I’ve spent so much of my life twiddling my thumbs and waiting on other people to get their shit together, that I've never gone ahead and lived my life.

- Start my business
- Start a fresh blog for Google Valet
- Enter into My Space Contest by July 25th
- Get published
- Find Clients for Google Valet
- Work hard for it
- Have atleast 100 clients 
- Road trip this summer
- Visit Samu perima in Chennai
- Get married at least this year
- Drink and Party
- Buy a Piano
- Learn to play it
- Learn how to live on completely vegetarian diet
- Not hurt Dad, Mum and Any one

Keep going...

June 16 2010


Few months ago, someone told me that, before the morning breaks, there will be stormy nights.. before breakthrough, there will be breakdowns.. and that’s what I will be going through this year.

This week has been very mentally, emotionally trialing for me in one area of my life… there were many stormy and sleepless nights…

I  guess that’s what I get for asking from the universe when I set one of my 2010 life goals on this particular area… this is my journey… my breakdowns… my breakthroughs… till the sun rises.

Its my birthday!

June 15 2010

Woo Hoo! It’s my birthday today and I am too tired to write any more…
Instead I am posting a clip created by my brother Guru...

This was annoying in my head.

June 13 2010

Do you ever have one of those days when things are just GOOD and RIGHT and you feel accomplished?

(No? Then you should probably stop reading because I'm about to get really f***ing annoying.)

I'm not usually that person, I'm definitely not that cheerful man who always looks on the bright side and never thinks inappropriately mean thoughts about people who annoy him and wakes up singing along with the goddamn birds and would rather die than swear.

And I never will be, in case you are holding your breath.

(None of you are, right? Please don't. I don't know CPR.)

(I could probably figure it out, though. I mean, it can't be THAT hard. And I'm smart.)

(Apparently, I AM the man who is flippantly casual about life saving techniques and their importance. But that's beside the point.)

But today, I set some goals for myself and I met them.

(WITHOUT CAFFEINE. I'd like to stress that.)

I don't think I lack confidence, or even follow-through, but sometimes I think I DO suffer from the raging narcissism that I am occasionally accused of, and so it's always a good feeling to actually accomplish something that you KNEW you could do but just hadn't tried.

There are things I know that I will never do; things that I cannot be. But there are LOADS of things that I probably could do that I've just never had the courage to try. But I'm up for the challenge. Life is short. And I have a lot to do.

I wish I could sum up this post on the same profound note that I ended my last one, but that would just be too many deep thoughts in a row for this man, so instead I'm going to have to keep it simple and go with a little Ice Cube:

Today was a good day.

Meme Se7enteen

June 12 2010

First Job: Hardware engineer

First Real Job: Aircel

First Favorite Politician: P.Chidambaram

First Car: Fiat

First Record/CD: Alaipauthey

First Sport Played: Cricket

First Concert: AR Rahman's Vanakam Chennai

First Foreign Country Visited: Nope

First Favorite TV Show: Malkudi days

First Favorite Actor: Rajinikanth

First Favorite Actress: Amala

First Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Deepa / Gejo

First Encounter with a Famous Person: Rajinikanth

First Brush With Death: while riding my bike

First House/Condo Owned: 33 Marapattei St, Pollachi.

First Film Seen: Billa

First Favorite Recording Artist: AR.Rahman

First Favorite Radio Station: Radio Mirchi

Meme 6ixteen

Fill in your favorite for each of the following:

1. Political show: Politics Hour NDTV

2. Picnic food: Tomato rice with potato fry

3. Mixed drink: Vodka with lime

4. Indian President: Pratibha Patil

5. Kind of student to teach: Poor student

6. Hobby you do or wish you still did: Computers

7. Sports commentator: Ravi shasthri

8. Sport to watch on TV: Soccer

9. Animal to have as a pet: Birds

10. Halloween costume you have worn: Nope

11. Kind of dessert: Black forest

12. Comic strip: Spider man

13. Ice cream flavor: Vanilla

14. News source: Sun TV

15. Vacation spot: Basket ball

16. Wine: White wine

17. Way to waste time instead of working: Dreaming

18. Reality show: Coffee with Anu

19. Childrens movie: Pasanga

20. Celebrity you wish would retire: Chief Minister Kalingar Karunanidhi

An emotional roller coaster

June 10 2010

It’s been the most overwhelming, emotional and brilliant rollercoaster few days, with family members turning up from ooty and my brother guru from chennai coming to stay. The natural high is so high and the low is inexplicable and surprising. I know it’s a lot to do with my mind, late nights and way too much booze but i’m so happy to be able to experience this. I think most people live their whole lives without having the good fortune or opportunity to feel what i’m feeling now.

Thank you, my friends

And without meaning to be mushy, I feel blessed to have you around…..

Come, let us have a coffee!

June 9 2010

PS: I just drank some very strong coffee and appear to have lost the plot for the moment. normal blogging will return tomorrow.

Make a difference

June 8 2010

Teacher's who play an important role in our school life right from the day1 till the end. I really get sob by watching  this video 

Meme Fi5teen

June 7 2010
The Se7en Layer
LAYER 1: Tell us your... 
* Name: Prabhu
* Birthday (month, day): June 15 
* Birthplace: Tiruppur
* Current location: Chennai
* Eye color: Black
* Hair color: Black
* Height: 175 cms
* Righty or lefty: Righty
* Zodiac sign: Gemini


LAYER 2: What's...
* Your heritage: Love
* The shoes you wore today: Green
* Your weakness: Emotion
* Your fears: Alto phobia
* Your perfect pizza: Chicken cheese with chilly flakes
* Goals you’d like to achieve: Adopt a child
* Your first waking thoughts: How ll b today?
* Your best physical feature: Eyes & Nose
* Your most missed memory: Anipra


LAYER 3: Do you...
* Smoke: Nope
* Cuss: Sorry
* Sing: Yes
* Do you think you’ve been in love: Of course!
* Did you go to college: Yes
* Liked high school: Very much
* Want to get/stay married: Ya!
* Believe in yourself: Trying
* Think you’re attractive: Some what
* Think you’re a health freak: Yes
* Get along with your parent(s): Ya
* Like thunderstorms: Nope
* Play an instrument: Learning


LAYER 4: In the past month have you… 
* Drank alcohol: Yes
* Smoked: Once upon a time
* Done a drug: Yes
* Made out: Yes
* Gone on a date: Yes
* Gone to the mall: Yes
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos:. A lot
* Eaten sushi: Yes
* Been on stage: Nope
* Been dumped: Yes
* Gone skating: No
* Gone skinny dipping: Yes
* Stolen Anything: Yes


LAYER 5: Have you ever…
* Played a game that required removal of clothing: In childhood
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Nope
* Been caught “doing something”: Many times
* Been called a tease: During teenage
* Gotten beaten up: Yes
* Shoplifted: Nope


LAYER 6:
* Age you did get/hope to be married: Yes
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): 2, Auro and Aathiti
* Describe your dream mate: Anipra
* How do you want to die: Peacefully
* What did you want to be when you grow up: A good human
* What country would you most like to visit: Australia


LAYER 7: Now tell...
* Name a drug you’ve taken illegally: Pentazocine mixed with  Promethazine
* Name a person you could trust with my life: Sharmila
* Name a favorite CD that you own: Yanni's Acropolis
* Number of piercings: 2
* Number of tattoos: Nope
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Once
* Name a past experience that you regret: I was a drug addict 

The Sunday Stupid Thirty-Three:: Meme 4 teen

June 6 2010

1. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday :(

2. Were you named after anyone?
Nope!!

3. Why are you so fickle when it comes to women?
Duno!!

4. What is your favorite lunch?
Of course Chicken

5. Do you have kids?
Nope!!

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?
Ya!

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Nope!!

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Yes :(

9. Would you bungee jump?
I love it!

10. What is your favorite cereal?
Corn flakes

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off
No

12. Do you think you are strong enough to be with me?
Yes

13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Black forest

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Eyes

15. Red or pink?
Pink (means Krithi)

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
Nose

17. Who do you mess with the most?
My Dad

18. What was the last thing you ate?
Idly & dosa

19. What are you listening to right now?
AR Rahman's fusion

20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Sharmila

21. Why aren't you married?
Arghhhhh....

22. Last movie you watched?
My name is Khan

23. What did you dream about last night?
Anipra, anipra, anipra

24. What book are you reading?
How to stop worrying and start living

25. Summer or winter?
Winter

26. Hugs or kisses?
Both

27. Do you have any special talents?
Lots to say

28. What are they?
Secret

29. What did you watch on TV last?
Songs

30. What is your favorite sound?
Piano

31. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?
Rolling stones

32. Most likely to respond to this meme?
Sruthi and Pooja

33. Least likely to respond?
Not sure...

Tamil Anthem by AR Rahman

June 5 2010


Semmozhiyaana Tamizh Mozhiyaam is a Tamil anthem composed by A. R. Rahman, penned by Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Kalaignar M. Karunanidhi and performed by several leading Tamil artistes of over three generations

A major highlight of the anthem is that it features singers who have distinguished themselves in other genres of music such as Carnatic (Aruna Sayeeram, Bombay Jaishree, Nithyashree and Sowmya), folk, Sufi (M.Y. Abdul Ghani, Khajamoideen, Naresh Iyer) and rap (Blaaze).

"The Finish This Sentence" Meme 13een

June 4 2010

1. My uncle once Caught me while drunk

2. Never in my life have I been as embarrassed, angry and ashamed when I was in jail

3. When I was three my parents send me to school

4. High school was a place I learned a lot

5. I will never forget to cut my nails

6. Once I met  Rajini kanth in his home

7. There’s this girl I know who makes my life sober

8. Once, at a bar, I am lost

9. By noon, I’m definitely nap

10. Last night I had a terrible dream

11. If only I had a good idea for a business… Then I'd be rich!

12. Last time I go to temple  with Anipra

13. What worries me most is that my Parents! yep

14. When I turn my head left I see the sky

15. When I turn my head right I see my bro guru standing and watching me

16. You know I’m lying when I deserve it

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is my Parents

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be Romeo

19. By this time next year I will start my computer showroom

20. A better name for me would be PEPSI

21. I have a hard time understanding  feeling my way through it ...

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll have good everlasting friendship

23. You know I like you if I love you

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be my Saravanan Anna

25. Take my advice, never GIVE UP!