Rocking with depression and restless

August 19 2012

I'm now on depression. I can't wait until the poison is out of my body completely. I don't think I'm getting high. I am however agitated and angry.

I keep having fantasies about being back in Pollachi  and FIGHTING.

I wish I'd fought harder to keep my self, to keep my soul.

I am angry with myself for willingly taking a depression that made me dull and flat, stupid and dumb.

I am angry with myself for being depressed and not recognising that that was one of civilisation's ways of trying to kill me.

In the end it's all about meaning. You could say I was hallucinating or you could say I'm seeing a reality most people are blind to. 

I'm only just realising how much power I have. The power to influence the universe. I *am* connected to the earth.

Oh I'm confused! huh?.

Everyone thinks I'm getting high and taking risks. 

All  are very sensible. I can see that. But the last couple of weeks, coming off the prob's I have felt like I am waking out of a coma. My thoughts and dreams have had deeper resonance, I have felt renewed creativity and started to be interested in things again. Every one suggests me that I 've a balance where I can take enough patience to be stable. Maybe they are right.

It's just that I feel that all the breaking thoughts and confusions and visions -  may be important for me to find a path through, and important not just for me but for the universe. My dreams make it clear I'm dealing with some pretty ancient energies. 

I feel all on edge and full of doubt after talking to every one. But I am being sensible.  rite! what you say?.....

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