Towards 30

May 31 2010

I noticed that a few close friends that I have at this point of my life now will be entering 30s this year.   For the past 4 weeks, my conversations with them have evolved around life after 30s.  Now that they have a steady career, steady streams of in-come, some are deciding on their next dream family, some brand new car, few thinking of investing into businesses.

I will be turning 30 in a few weeks and have another 10 years before the big 40.  I have been asking myself what do I want to have achieved by 40.  What do I want to have accumulated to prepare for my life  journey into years of 40s.  The list is getting longer.  Here’s few that I want so far..

Driving my dream car(Ambassador)…
Be d’ Man of  Business (only few will know what is this)
Have my own Digital Condo set up by 33 with the latest wireless and home IP gadgets.
Sufficient cash to start up a new business in Pollachi or my google valet franchise (by than it might be something else).
Cover AUSTRALIA or US or CUBA or SINGAPORE (all countries) by 40s.
I have no idea how I am going to achieve all these including my dream car… .  As for now, I think I need more money.  The question is how do I make more risk-free money other than my business & investment now? I have no idea..

I will just continue to persue my number 1 dream for now and start working on the rest once it is stabalized. Pray fully too it will fullfill all the rest of my dreams in my life.


May  31 2010

Life often evolves in a very mysterious way, bringing along unanticipated experiences and therefore lessons. The outcome of our life is resulted from how we respond to these experiences. If we received it with open arms, learn to adapt and evolve with it… we progress, we grow. On the other hand, one who resent it, rejects it… regress into anger, bitterness & and eventually… depression.

The fundamental difference is ’CHOICE’… how we choose to respond when life experiences come knocking on our door.

The second fundamental is… to love, respect and be patient with one another despite the choices they made. We can still do that though we might disagree with his/her choice.

What’s freedom… actually?

May 30 2010

When we were kids…Being waken from our sleep, Dragged to school through the years. Life seems like a bottomless peak…We can’t wait for freedom after graduations. When we started work, As bills and debts mountains. We can’t wait to get married… with someone to share our burdens yet after D’day… we lost ourselves trying to be good spouse, in-laws, and  parents..

Life is trapped once again and we lost completely, our freedom.When they are all gone… the young and old
The mountains of debts and bills and parenting guilt.Life finally found its freedom…Only to face with our body saying… it’s about time to draw down the curtains…

So… what’s freedom… actually?.

Toyz II

May 29 2010

How often when we were caught in a rush-hour traffic, we noticed that we were SOV like others in a 5-passengers vehicles?  (SOV=single-occupant vehicle).  It would be really beautiful if every drivers uses this cute single-passenger-vehicles instead for ‘around the town’ trips. 
Lithium battery powered, no more heartache when the fuel price when up!  A cute toyz to have at Rs 1391700 INR each.

More info and photos of this Toyz

Letting go...

May 28 2010

The hardest thing in life, is choosing to let go of something beatiful, and dearly loved..


May 27 2010

Facebook, AIM, Photobucket, LinkedIn, Xing, NetLog, Twitter, FriendFeed, Rediff, Google, Hotmail, Podcast, flickr, Blog, WordPress, YouTube, RSS, Digg, Delicious… with hundreds of feeds, thousands of applications… new games, movies, music, messages and news streaming into our life by the second.  We are living in a very exciting age with so many choices and so much we can do vie the world of net…
… Sometimes we do not realized how lost we are.

I Miss You...

 May 26 2010

It was almost perfect in every little way…
The gentle touch, the quiet whisper and the assuring voice.
It brings cheer into my life, yet tears through many nights.
I knew it all along, it is not mine to own.
Thus this chapter is written… the final finale…

30 Major Barriers to Success

May 25 2010
  1. Unfavorable Hereditary Background
  2. Lack of Well-Defined Purpose in Life
  3. Lack of Ambition to Aim Above Mediocrity
  4. Insufficient Education (Education is defined as ability to learn to get whenever one want in life without violating the rights of others)
  5. Lack of Self-Discipline
  6. Ill Health
  7. Unfavorable Environmental Influences during Childhood
  8. Procrastination
  9. Lack of Persistence
  10. Negative Personality
  11. Lack fo Controlled Sexual Urge
  12. Uncontrolled Desire for ‘Something for Nothing’
  13. Lack of a Well-Defined Power of Decision
  14. One or More of the Six Basic Fears
  15. Wrong Selection of a Mate in Marriage
  16. Over Caution
  17. Wrong Selection of Associated in Business
  18. Superstition and Prejudice
  19. Wrong Selection of a Vocation
  20. Lack of Concentration of Effort
  21. The Habit of Indiscriminate Spending
  22. Lack of Enthusiasm
  23. Intolerance
  24. Intemperance
  25. Inability to Corporate with Others
  26. Procession of Power not acquired through Self-Effort
  27. Intentional Dishonesty
  28. Egotism and Vanity
  29. Guessing Instead of Thinking
  30. Lack of Capital

If you are reading this, take time to reflect where you are now in your life.  How happy are you now with what you have achieved so far from the scales of 1 – 5 in the are of your family life, social, health (physical, mental, emotional), financial, career, spiritual, compared to where you want to be.

What’s stoping you from achieving your desires.   Take time to go through the above list again and identify the top 5 reasons that stop you from achieving your goals.
Meanwhile, just as Success does not define who we are, our Failure does not define us too.

I don't feel like....

May 24 2010

I don’t feel like going out tonight.
I don’t feel like walking through the cold and mist in the dark.  
I don’t feel like having the wind hit me in the face making my eyes water.  
I don’t feel like being an acrobat placing my feet in just the right spots so I don’t fall.  
I don’t feel like being out twice as long because it takes that much longer to walk anywhere. 

I have to go to my work tonight; the one I signed up for just to socialize.  That’s it; my only motive.  I really get nothing out of it, well, other than meeting a few people.

How do these types of people get a free pass?

May 23 2010

I lay on the icy cold tiles in my room for 2 hours last night crying, just wanting to die. It’s all my broken links.  I’m made up of them.  No one listens to me and I feel like I have no sense of control in my life. What I asked for seemed so simple and I gave clear directions and yet they do what they want instead of what I asked.  I was given a lot of crap that I would have been humiliated to present to anyone.  I never get away with anything like that and it just makes me wonder why I’m held to a higher standard than the rest.  How do these types of people get a free pass?

While on the floor I decided I’m not going back to Pollachi.  It is really dragging me down and I don’t need any reminders of how weak some of my relationships are.  I would have thought twice about taking this steps again if I had known it was going to focus on my weakest skills and my weakest relationships I had.  This isn't the time.  I don’t need to focus on my weaknesses I need to focus on my strengths.  I need to protect myself.  I’m hanging on by a thread.


May 22 2010

Ignore problems until the very last minute, build up the pressure. I respect looking for something by expecting; simply staring. Heaven forbid I could put work before pleasure. And I do, take pleasure in working more than worrying – My destructive piece of mind struggles otherwise as my lazy side concedes – I believe, everything could be perfect in the end. And constant happiness is possible.

No-one Knows

May 21 2010

How can one describe a feeling so numb?
Of the highest highs and deepest disguise-
I was going to live my life, I swear…

And it won’t be the distance that does it
Nor the constant pushing away
Rather never knowing
Of leaving bed, moods and heads
To sway; to stay, today?

Meme E11even

May 20 2010

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Rettai suzhi (Tamil movie)

2. What book are you reading?
I just finished reading ‘Life of Che’ and don't think i’ll have much time for another good one for a long time!

3. Favorite board game?
OK, I cant play chess. But earlier on I did Enjoy playing Business and Sherlock Holmes.

4. Favorite magazine?
I have been reading Anandha Vikatan for almost 15 years till now. And now they also have a whole lot of others like India today, simply chennai, aspire… so a good enough package.

5. Favorite smells?
Wet earth, Petrol, My pillow.

6. Favorite sounds?
A good laugh that comes from the heart. I also had this wind chimes made of mud in my previous home. It used to make the softest of sounds and i used to love it. But while shifting it broke.

7. Worst feeling in the world?
I dunno but a lot to say…. hmmm

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Oh! I always wonder if I can sleep for some more time!

9. Favorite fast food place?
Not much of a fast food person. lol.

10. Future child’s name?
Boy will be named Aathi, and the girl will be named Anika. lol…. wt a question

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
I dunno what I would do, but I would love to spend some of it and travel to Australia and Kashmir!!

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Oh, never!

13. Storms – cool or scary?
We don't really get to see a lot of storms in Pollachi. But a day ago or so, when it rained, there was hailstone, thunder, lightning, trees were uprooted and power was cut. it was not so cool after a point!

14. Favorite drink?
These days its more of coconut water n PEPSI too.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
Blog more often!! visit places, friends, reply to mails, shop, spend time at a resort…. oh the list!!

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Oh yes…

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
I’v been coloring my hair ever since I was in Hsc. It’s mostly shades of black or brown for me.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Pollachi, Chennai & Bangalore.

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Football  and Tennis. Depending on my mood I also enjoy Cricket n F1. Though cricket is my last choice.

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
A lot of nice things actually. He is good looking, smart, zany, funny, intelligent and cool! (I was made to write this, lol)

21. What’s under your bed?
Her photo. lol!!.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
If you have made a secret wish to be born as me, then I ll b U.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
Morning person huh? What do you mean?... I have only Nights.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
I dont like omelets!! thank u

25. Favorite place to relax?
My room!

26. Favorite pie?
blueberry pie from Cake Walk. They make the best!!

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Venilla n Falooda!

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
I think most of them have done this already.


May 18 2010

Update:  Embedding video in a wave is easier than I thought. Just paste the video URL, and it will show a small icon at the end of the URL, asking if you want to embed the video. Click that, and you are done.

And check out the Google Wave Extension for Google Chrome too !!

Google wave is not just for communication and collaboration. It’s for fun and entertainment too. Can you imagine entertainment on the web without Youtube videos ? …  here is sweet plugin that lets you embed youtube videos in to a WAVE.

HTML Gadget, the Plugin
Youtube Video on Google Wave
You Tube Video on Google Wave

This wave addon lets you add HTML, CSS and Javascript codes to your WAVE. To embed a Youtube video, you need enable this plugin, and then copy paste the youtube video’s embed code as you do on normal webpages and blog posts. Simple ? You will get more details about this plugin from this page.

I will be updating this post with more information and screenshots when Google Wave is experienced. Stay tuned....

Journey in silence

May 17 2010

This week I have been driving to and from work in silence. A bit of a struggle for me as my mind tends to wander in all sorts of directions if I’m not distracting myself with music or tv or any loud sound to quiet my mind. I’ve found that this mini mental break has actually been really good for me. Not only has it been a nice break for my normally out of control mind, it has given me an opportunity for insight.

This morning on my way into work I was thinking about how my mind works. It is a perfectionist’s mind. It expects daily miracles. There is nothing wrong with setting high goals but in recovery it is important to be realistic. My mind says “do something the correct way once and you will be healed”, the problem with thinking this way is that when I do something the correct way and I still have anxiety, my anxiety gets worse, I beat myself up for not being “better”.


May 16 2010

I am a dreamer… at least in my sleep.  I dream very frequently as often as every night since very much younger.  Sometimes I love it, especially when I have sufficient sleep and woke up with a smile on my face.  Some times I hate it… especially when I was chasing something or be chased, teeth falling out, falling, fights between love ones, arriving late to some important functions.

Sometimes dreams can be very helpful… a solutions to an issue which I have been working on.  Sometimes it is a warning… like ‘drive carefully!’.  Sometimes it’s a mystery… Sometimes it’s boringly black and white, and sometimes I can remember the colour, the touch, the smells, and the feelings… especially when it is a beautiful dream.

As I aged teen, I began to enjoy dreams more… especially dreams that repeats my Anipra and my daily errants in life.  Whenever I am stressed, my dreams evolve around the situations that I was stressed about…. to the point I have to ask myself , ‘…did I actually made that promise, call that decision, met the person or did that happened in my dream?’…  Whenever that happened, I woke up feeling like I have not slept!.

Tonight, I yearn for dreamless night to have a complete rest after few days of eventful dreams!

Meme Ten

May 15 2010

My Random Things

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
A happy, fun loving, mischievous college student.

2. What are five things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order).
Actually nothing is on my to-do list right now because it's 1:20am and I'm dead tired. I will post my to-do list for tomorrow:
Go to work.
Clean my room.
Want to download a software for my client.
Search a groom in Tamil matrimonial for sharmila.
Call my Mom to tell her the movie times. She wants us to watch a movie together Saturday afternoon.

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Plum Cake
Potato Chips

4. Things I would do if I was a billionaire:
Adopt a child, if financially and emotionally capable.
Give money to all of my family members and friends so that they can pay off their bills and mortgages.
Take a trip around the world.
Build a house on the mountain's foot step in Aliyar.
Sit at the top of a London double-decker bus.
Attend a World Cup match.
Ride on a desert safari.
Live six months in Australia and two two months in other countries.
Take a trip on the Orient Express (I have wanted to do that since I was a child).
Visit Anipra in Pollachi and take her out for a coffee.
Get a trainer and work out. Also attend yoga classes.
Buy a boat and jet around the lake.
Pay off all of my bills and mortgage and get a financial investor to make a plan to invest/save the rest of the money.
Wow...that is a lot...but then again it is a billion dollars. There is so much more that I would do but don't have all night.

5. Three of my bad habits:
It used to be drinking, but I quit a year ago (I still crave them like mad, though!).
Not having enough discipline and getting to bed way too late.
Wanting everything to be in its place and clean where I live (I am fine if others aren't this way where they live and don't mind at all).
Driving too fast.

6. Four places I have lived:

7. Five jobs I have had:
Customer care Aircel.
Worked as computer science teacher in a School.
First job was at 21 in a computer showroom.
Technical support in sony play station.
Programmer in ABT Infosys.

Anyone wanting to do the same meme let me know that you did so that I can visit and learn more about you.

Eternal Sunshine

May 12 2010

I continue to feel better mentally. It has to be attributed to the Oleanz that was newly prescribed. I have always had a low-level depression biting my head even on "good days", but I don't even have that now. Not only that, I am actually sleeping well with no assistance from Ativan. I am getting tired around 10:00pm, go to sleep, sleep through the night and wake up at a good time. It is amazing to me that this is occurring when remembering how not long ago I would go night after night with no sleep.

Could all of this be the Oleanz? Does it really give "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? (love that movie, by the way)

1/2 step forward out of 999 steps...

May 11 2010

Within the last 2 weeks:

1. I started my job.

2. Unemployment gone.

3. I have money coming in now.

4. I've visited about 5-9 companies per week and have gotten maybe 3 phone calls and
worked out for 2 and got succeed 1.

6. I'm almost 1 week advertisement payment behind.

7. Also 2 months on phone/internet.

8. I just spent the last of my money on dinner(last night), Cell Phone top up for 50rs.

9. Sruthi and I are now friends.

If anyone in the Coimbatore area needs a top notch Hardware and Networking Engineer Just call Google Valet-9788116669 that can rescue your computer, oh...yes, please let me know.

Actually, if anyone in the Coimbatore area needs anyone to do anything in computers, please let me know. Um, legally speaking.

Please please please send good thoughts this way ya'll - I don't know what I'm going to do. Just Help me....

Again One Word !

May 8 2010

1. Where is your cell phone? Hand
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Who?
3. Your hair? thin
4. Work? tiring
5. Your father? cool
6. Your favorite thing? sleeping
7. Your dream last night? awesome
8. Your favorite drink? PEPSI
9. Your dream car? Ambassador (truly Indian)
10. The room you’re in? Silence
11. Your pet? None
12. Your fears? growing
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Alive
14. Where did you hang out yesterday? Coonoor 
15. What you’re not good at? relations
16. Eyebrow rings? Nope
17. One of your wish list items? love
18. Where you grew up? Pollachi
19. The last thing you did? work
20. What are you wearing? clothes
21. What aren’t you wearing? vest
22. Do you currently like someone? no
23. Your computer? world
24. Your life? messy
25. Hungover? nope
26. Missing? sanity
27. Thinking about? life
28. Eating? ugh
29. The weather? nice
30. Your summer? gone
31. Your relationship status? Nonexistent 
32. Your favorite color? pink
33. When is the last time you laughed? hour
34. Last time you cried? daily
35. School? VVV

100 Tamil Flowers On Your B'day Anna...

May 7 2010

Anna I learned 100 tamil flower names. 
I like to greet you with this flowers 
On your Birthday anna... 
Kantal, Ambal, Aniccham, Kuvalai, Kurinchi, Vetchi, Sen -kodu-veri, Thema, Mani-cci-kai, Untul, Kuvilam,
Erul, Sulli, Kuviram, Vada-vanam, Vakai, Kudacham, Eruvai, Ceruvilai, Karuvilam, Payini, Vani, Kuruvam,
Pasum-piti, Vakulam, Kaya, Avirai, Veral, Sural, Ciru-pulai, Kuru-naru-n-kanni, Kurukilai, Marutham,
Kongkam, Pongkam, Tilakam, Pathiri, Cerunthi, Atiral, Senbagam, Karanthai, Kulavi, Maa-maram, Tillai,
Palai, Mullai, Mull-makil, Kanchang-kullai, Pitavam, Cen-karungkali, Vaalai, Valli, Neytal, Talai, Talavam, 
Tamarai,Nalal, Mauval, Kokudi, Setal, Cemmal, Ciru-seng-kurali, Kodal, Kaitai, valai, Kanchi, Manik-kulai,
Pangkar, Maravam, Tanakkam, Ingkai, Ilavam, Kondrai, Atumpu, Atti, Avarai, Pakandrai, Palasam, Pinti,
Vanchi, Pittikam, Sindu-varam, Tumpai, Tulaiy, Thondri, Nanthi, Naravam, Pun-naakam, Param, Piiram, 
Kurukatti, Aram, Kalvai, Punnai, Narantham, Naga-p-poo, Nallirunari, Kuruntam, Venkai, Pulaku.....

I think...

May 6 2010

I think that sometimes, people don't die from suicide or from accidents or illnesses.

I think that sometimes, people die because they simply lose their will to continue with life.

Once the will to keep fighting is gone, something changes in their hearts.

With no will to keep going, you simply don't.

Meme Nine

May 5 2010

1) Wheres the person you like right now?
She's in her bed sleeping.

2) Last time you consumed alcohol?
February 27 night. On her B'day.

3) What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Not sleeping, probably looking at the clock cursing in my head about how I'm NOT SLEEPING.

4) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Stupid work.

5) How do you feel about the person who texted you last?
Lots & lots of affection.

6) Have you ever been around someone who was high?
...this is hilarious.  A better question was have I ever been around someone that is NOT high.

7) Do you like your life as of now?
Nope, I love my amazing parents.

8 ) Last thing you purchased?
Stupid Processor fan at RS 375.

9) Have you ever drank with your number one?
Not sure what this means exactly... my number one what... friend?  Lovah?  Number one friend?  Actually - if it is any of those - yes.

10) Where are you right now, and how do you feel about where you are?
I'm at blog and I love it.  It's 4:36am and I should be IN BED.

11) What are you excited for?
The possibilities with Ani, how well my Krithi's doing in school - especially with her writing and art.

12) Hows your heart lately?
Hopeful for the first time in a LONG time.

13) Who was the last person you hugged?

14) Who was the last person to hold your hand?
Samu perima.

15) Are you a jealous person?

16) Did you have a good birthday this year?
Waiting for it. Next month.

17) Are you tired right now?

18 ) What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual relationships?
As long as people are happy, I couldn't care less what sex they are.

19) Do you chew on your straws?

20) Have you ever been called a tease?

21) Last Message on orkut from?

22) Three days from now will you be in a relationship?
More than likely no, since we both apparently separated 2 years back.

23) Do you have curly hair?

24) Who was at your house last?
Samu perima & peripa

25) Do you smoke cigarettes?

26) Do you lead people on?

27) Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
There was lots of kissing the last person I kissed.

28 ) Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it?
Yes, I said to only one thats Ani and I mean it.

29) Is there something you wanna do?
OH GOD, could some of these questions be more random?

30) As of today, do you like anyone?

31) Have you kissed anyone on the lips today?
No, waaaah.

32) Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Heehee...ho....ha......  YES.

33) Do you like to cuddle?

34) Last song you heard?
Veera veera from Ravana.

35) Last person you cried over?
My grandma a few months ago who died.

36) Do you cry easily?
Tough question, sometimes yes - sometimes now.

37) Do you have any siblings?

38 ) Where did you go today ?
Computer Embassy and Annapoorna in Coimbatore.

39) What should you be doing right now?

40) Are you a heavy sleeper?
Ok, now it's just being rubbed in my face.  NO.

41) When was the last time you did the dishes?

42) Name every one that made you smile today:
In this order: Mom, Juju, Samu Perima.

Ineffective Daily Affirmations

May 4 2010

Feeling blue or insecure? Losing sight of what’s important? Still searching for the real “you”? In this self-help age of soul-searching, daily affirmations have been known to do the trick.
But you probably shouldn’t try these …
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to be employed.
In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self- righteous people around me.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
I am at one with my duality.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so.”
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step — blaming my parents.
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

Wanna ride huh?

May 3 2010

I can see me on this! The Amazing Sidecar: “Snaefell” by François Knorreck.
Check out the side views here.

Found Note...

May 2 2010

I have been so busy lately. I know I have a lot to catch up on, reading and writing, but will be busy the next few days. Sorry. I owe Pooja a reply on her disclosure post and I read a very interesting post by Sruthi  that I want to comment on. But I was going through some things in my storage area and came across this note … I wanted to share it:

On This Day:

Mend a quarrel

Search for a forgotten friend

Dismiss a suspicion, replace it with trust.

Write a letter to someone who misses you

Encourage a youth who has lost faith

Keep a promise

Forget an old grudge

Examine your demands on others and vow to reduce them.

Fight for a principle

Express your gratitude

Overcome an old fear

Take two minutes to appreciate the beauty of nature

Downloaded krithi & kavin Photos

Tell someone you love him/her

Tell them again

and again

and again.

99% vs. 100% honesty

May 1 2010

Two days ago, I stopped telling little stupid lies. Since then, my life has improved by a ridiculous amount.

There is a big difference between 99% and 100%. 100% committed is far more powerful than 99% committed. 100% confident is far more useful than 99% confident. And 100% honest is far more empowering than 99% honest.

99% honest is pretty good, it’s true. The 1% of my dishonesty was mostly either “fudging by rounding” or “little white lies”.  Here are some examples.

Mom: “Did you see that actor sivakumar's speech in vijay tv ?”

Me: “Yeah, it was really nice!”

My thoughts: “Huh, why did I say that? I didn’t see it at all.”

Dad: “Are you okay with this plan?”

Me: “Yeah.”

My thoughts: “I’m mostly okay with this plan, and that’s close enough that I don’t feel like making a big deal out of it.”