I was wrong...

September 30 2010

Bit by bit
fall to pieces,
dreams that never came true.
I was wrong;
I wasn't made for you.

Shredded to bits
are all those moments
When I believed in you.
I was wrong;
You weren't made for me.

Eyes never looked
in the same direction
To understand you never bothered
I was wrong;
We weren't made for each other.

People need to be.....

September 29 2010

- drunk to talk;
- forgetful to forgive;
- psychotic to be passionate;
- hurt to be honest;
- confused to think;
- crazy to love.

Strange indeed.

Don't ask me why

September 27 2010

A silent moment
A soundless cry
An empty smile
A tear dry
A life unlived
passes by
I know, but
don't ask me why.
I live too, but
don't ask me why.

A numbing pain
A silence pregnant
A dying desire
A hope remnant
And a smile
that refuses to die
I know, but
don't ask me why.
I live too, but
don't ask me why.

A calm breeze
A shining sun
A storm invisible
Secrets a ton
To live, to fight
they struggle and try.
I know, but
don't ask me why.
I live too, but
don't ask me why.

A complex balance
a 'me' and a 'you'
An 'I' and a 'my'
and a 'them' too
Shattered hearts
and a 'truth' and a 'lie'
I know, but
don't ask me why.
I live too, but
don't ask me why.

I guess...

September 26 2010

Sometimes it is hard to decide whether having a choice is better than not having any.
Life has stopped moving in any direction, and the inertia of the interim has started to get to me. The depressing thing is that neither of the possible short term alternates look attractive enough to energise. One slightly better and slightly worse than the other - that's all.
The good thing however, is for the first time in a long time, the medium/long term looks like something I would like to live for.

Now, how about some sunshine?
Actually, on second thought, the monsoon is great - the rain makes me want to fall in love, and the damp nights make longing that much thirstier.
I guess, What ever is to be.

Things happened today. :-)

September 25 2010

The answer I found myself writing.

How do I exorcise my grief?
I don't.
My grief isn't evil
My grief isn't a ghost
My grief doesn't flatter to deceive
My grief doesn't boast
My grief doesn't abandon midway
like seasonal love, like the joy of success
My grief doesn't ask for "space" of its own
My grief is mine to possess
I soak in my grief
and let it pass through me
in the darkness of the nights
it helps me get to know me
My grief is my friend
it strengthens me when it leaves
rather, when it hides in the shadows
waiting, till my heart grieves
My grief hears my sighs and screams
My grief embraces what my eyes won't
How do I exorcise my grief?
I don't.

Life is amusing :)


September 23 2010

Because I'd forgotten how good I used to be.

I was going through my own photostream, I'm not sure why, but half the time I was like :O and the other half I was :). I mean, seriously, I was that good, and I'm this bad now? What happened? Did I loose all my creativity with my teens? *growing old panic*

PS: Seriously, do go through my entire stream if you have the time. And this is not shameless self-promotion.

It rained too much...

September 22 2010

Actually, its not the rain that bothers me, its the lack of it. Those really sticky, clammy, cloudy days when everything is really gloomy and unbearable, and you just want to shout out to the skies 'Oh come ON!! Make up your mind already! Either rain, or give me my sun back.' I hate those days.

You know what I reaaaaallly love? Driving in the rain hearing AR Rahmans music!! Driving in the pouring rain, to be precise. You have to set the wipers at high, switch on the headlights, and plus the hazard lights to be safer, and you have to lean forward and regularly wipe the fog off the windshield, and drive really slow and carefully...there's nothing that makes me happier! and I dunno why though, its not supposed to be safe. I guess I just like the emptiness of the roads, and that those few cars that are there on the roads are taking the extra effort of going slowly and carefully, the wet, dark roads, and the general uplifted mood rains put you in. And my mom is certain of it, that I'm a thrill junkie.


September 21 2010

...the foolishness...............do fall in love!
...the inevitability of defeat...do fight!
...the exams.....................don't be tense!
...the odds......................do play the game!
...the invincibility of death....do live!
...this..........................do remember THE ZEROTH COMMANDMENT!!

Smile. Come what may. Somebody teach me how to smile, again...........

kill me

September 20 2010

It is difficult to ask for forgiveness when you are not even ready to forgive yourself. There's a mixed indigestible taste in the mouth - the bitterness of guilt, the sweetness of pain and the sour taste of what's always been sweet.
How do you prove intent? How do you compensate for loss of belief? Is there anyway to repair that fragile thing called trust in trust? There isn't. Things don't always go as you plan. Or as you want. Or as you mean.

Hate myself.
Wish it was simpler to quit living.


September 19 2010

Just recently, I have felt the darkness lift. Fade away.
I have emerged from the black cloud of rain and haze that has overshadowed this past year.
Until then, I hadn't been living but merely surviving.
Just putting one foot in front of the other.
Each day the same - Monotonous and tired.
A dull, lifeless dance of dressing, eating, thinking and crying.
I can not pin point exactly when the clouds lifted.
Things had progressively been becoming rosier for weeks and I had been oblivious, just going with the flow.
Then it hit me.
I lifted my head up toward the sunshine and took in a huge breath - This is living, I thought to myself.
I pondered that thought for a moment.
I really am starting to live again, enjoying love and life.
There is a bounce in my step and I am moving to my own happy little beat.
I feel warm.
I feel energised.
I feel something that I haven't felt in a while - Hope.
A bright future.
I am not entirely out of the woods yet, some days are still bad but I am a world away from that sense of complete sense of despair and destitute that was once 'normal' to me.
The light at the end of the tunnel is so close, and I can not wait.
Out of the rain and back under the sun, where I belong!

thats my life!

September 18 2010

with the blood slowly trickling away
i waited for the countdown to end
i waited for the final bell to ring
for the eternal escape

a wretched life i once lived
a life that no one should have
a life that is not my choice

a life that is not my choice
yet i played the lead role in it
a role that was played to perfection from my end

now at a time when the final curtain is very close to being drawn
i want to rewrite the whole story once again

a story that is full of happiness
a story that is so full of joy
a story that i only lived in my dreams

a dream that i want to make a reality
a reality of a dream coming true
a story, once re-enacted
will fulfill my desires
will fulfill my destiny

a story that i so desperately want to write
will now remain uncompleted
the countdown has already begun
the countdown from life to death

with the blood slowly trickling away
and the story still uncomplete
and the clock slowly ticking away
i want to live
i want to live, once again
i want to live, once again
to rewrite the story
the story that is my life!

My dinner tonight...

September 17 2010

1) Mutton Biryani
2) Chicken Kurma
3) 2 Dosai's
4) One plate Chettinad Chicken Gravy
5) Two apples

Yes, all in one sitting. And no, it is not recommended…


September 16 2010

(Taken from Pooja's dairy dated on September 8 2000)

In spite of repeated changes in college final year,( though we all are not in the same college) we (Me, Arthi,  and Sruthi) stuck to our original plan and accompanied Prabhu to his home at Pollachi Yesterday. After a mouth watering breakfast, the usual mokka sessions and a 'spicy'(!) lunch (We had tears in our eyes and running noses after the lunch! Mythily aunty's(prabhu's sweet mom) traditional style chicken kolambu with spicy Biriyani... Paasakkara ppl..! and these guys Prabhu 2 full beers and sudarshan 1 drunked  in front of us and  make sentimental mokkai's ), we embarked on our trip to Aliyar in his FIAT Car.
Located at about 22kms from Pollachi, Aliyar is a perfect weekend getaway place. Surrounded on three sides by majestic hills of the Western Ghats, the view of the reservoir from the dam is a visual treat. Add to it the gentle breeze. And the lofty cloud caps. And the picturesque sun set. And finally Seven (Add Prabhu's fiancée Anitha and his cousin ) cool ppl to hang out with!! Simply Superb!
The very scene of the cool and serene waters brings delight. But Aliyar's waters are not as safe as they seem. A little chat with the boat man turns scary. "Mudhalaya? irukkum... Aazham vera adhigam. Masathuku oruthar rendu peravathu sethudranga... thannikulla pogatheenga na kaeta thana.." Depth and crocs form a deadly combo. A 'warning' board reads, "Ithuvarai (from 1962) iranthavargal ennikkai: 132". "Pazhaiya boardunga athu.." chips in the boat-man. I open my mouth to ask "How old?" but stopped short in case the answer is terrifying.

The boat ride is splendid though. A ten minute boat ride that costs you just Rs.15 and takes the you to the mountain shadows is, in one word, awesome! That, we just made the last trip of the day make us feel strangely better. :)

We have fun, giving poses to the camera, putting mokkais and spend the time running about the dam. A warning bell at 6:30pm says it's time to leave and Uncle(his dad) also call to prabhu's cellphone that its being late. So we start the short walk back.
For fish lovers, ('Eating' not meant. There are fishes here that could eat you! :) ), the mini aquarium nearby houses quite a collection of fishes ranging from the Guppy to the Piranha (Locked up safely, so no worries!)
A stifling journey in a squeezingly packed car that carried about seven ppl, in the place of five and a confusing tale woven so good to escape fine for late entry from our 'nanga romba strictu!' watchmen wound up the memorable day.

6 Things To Do When Boredom Strikes

September 14 2010

Bored already? Well the summer’s just ends hasn't it? But still no point in pointing out how useless you are. I’d rather go on with telling you ways to get rid of boredom.

1. Facebook – Do i have to write something about this too? If you haven’t been in a cave for the last two years you probably know about this already. Its a social networking site that allows you to keep in touch with your friends and even helps you make new one’s. However if you slightly english challenged you’d have a problem navigating this website. It needs some getting used to. But still you could always try it out. Add me on facebook.

2. Twitter – It’s a short messaging service. Much similar to the status updates on Facebook. It’s currently the most ‘in’ thing. If you aren't a member go sign up now and get a life. However it may take you a certain amount of time to fully comprehend its use and some more time to actually use it. Happy Twittering anyway. Add me if you do join.

3. Blogger or WordPress – If creative writing is your forte then blogging is certainly meant for you, if not, well you can still blog. Blog about any topic under the sun, be it movies, music or just hot girls. WordPress and Blogger have their certain pros and cons which you will realize once you start using them. Getting visitors to your blog may seem like a tough job at first but if you’re regular with your writing. The traffic will just flow in. And since you’re already reading this article on my blog i assume you know what a blog is. Go and try it out!

4. Books – A good thing to do when you’re bored is to read books or maybe even write  them. If you haven’t read a single  storybook in your life i suggest you start with ‘Alice In Wonderland’ an evergreen fairytale. Then you can move up to Writer Sujatha who has a lot many books to offer even the most casual reader. Then ofcourse you could give ‘Karuvachi Kaviyam ’ a try. If you like it though you should go read books like Motor Cycle Dairy, Samit Basu, Terry Pratchett, Rick Riordian and Eoin Colfer. That should be enough for one month I guess.

5. Movies – go see a movie. Any one you wish to see, doesn’t matter actually.

6. Music –   Last but not the least,  hear any type of music when ever you are bored.

My Sister's Newly Born Baby

September 13 2010

My sister gave birth to a girl child today at 13.34 hrs. So we are happy and going to celebrate this occasion and update baby photos asap....

Will you give me your love?

September 12 2010

Brighter than a thousand suns, burns what i feel inside.
Destiny many call it, but this i can’t hide.
Days go by, i am lost, you show me the way.
I have tried to hold it for long, but i must say it today.
Long have you chanced upon my eyes, and made them blind.
You played unbelievable games of love with my heart, my mind.
Your beauty reminds me, of a geisha of admirable grace.
In your arms i seek to find, my one true solace.
I yearn to do what no one has done, i swear by the white winged dove.
If i kneel down and beg, will you give me your love?

9/11 - we will never forget..

September 11 2010

Today is September 11 - the day that holds alot of memories for me. I remember once in my life I should go to New York and take pics of the Twin Towers and looking at the beautiful horizon and I ll think - I ll be in the Big Apple and I ll love it! The Twin Towers as I like to go once in my life time is no more.

Nine years ago - I was doing my MS in trichy at that time. The first plan hit around 9.16pm (our Indian time). I didn't hear about the disaster until I awoke the next morning - when my alarm went off at 6am and the radio came on. Racing down stairs and turning on the TV - every station in Tamil Nadu had something about it. I just stood there - stunned - watching it unfold on my TV screen. I really wanted it to be a horrible nightmare - but it wasnt!

I just want to take a minute to remember the thousands of Fire, Police and all the everyday people that was affected on that horrific day! My thoughts and prayers go out to you!

We will not forget - ever!

Happy Vignesh Chathurthi

September 11 2010

To all the Mommies

September 10 2010

Granted, My sister Revathy is going to  be a mom now, and I have a long road ahead of my mom. But the reason for this post is to talk about the reason I became passionate about all our Mommies.

I remember my own mother when I was somewhere at the elementary school age. At that point I still looked at both of my parents as though they were somewhat superhuman. As many children do, I never thought they had normal emotions, ever got sick or tired. My mom worked full time at home for our hotel preparations, I never saw a speck of dirt in our window sills. But looking back, I'll bet she was so tired.

So where did she put herself on her list of priorities? Second, after me? Fourth, after my granny? Or maybe fifth, after her joint family and husband. Actually, it was probably sixth, because I'm sure she would clean up the house before she took some time for herself.

Remember those commercials in the 80's of the mom in the iodex cream  with all the she works and got pain, Mommy! Give yourself a break from the cleaning, tutoring, cooking, dressing, bathing, disciplining, entertaining, "Room Moming", ...I'm getting tired just thinking about it!

To all Mommies
My mom/dad/job/friends need me!" And of course they do, but a rested, happy Mom makes for a happy family. Positive energy is contagious, it radiates all around you, especially to those who spend a lot of time with you. So, if nothing else do it for your family. Be nice to yourself, you have the opportunity to be the nicest, most gracious person the most important person in your life: YOU!

No second chance for the lost time

September 9 2010

If in fact we're miserable in the process, what's the point of earning money in the first place?" -Paddi Lund

I wonder how many people are truly miserable in their jobs. Or even just unhappy. As I type this my eyebrows furrow and I am sad for those people. Many people spend more hours per week at their jobs than they do at home and with the people they love. Day in and day out, dragging around at a job that they dislike, or even hate. All for what? Money? Success? Recognition? I heard somewhere that homeless people that have been living that way for a long time actually choose it. (Maybe they have the right idea?)

At any rate, we have no second chance for the lost time.

Wooo! Its my 700 th post

September 8 2010

First of all, I cannot believe this is my 700th post!  I feel so productive.


September 7 2010

I was listening to a radio show this morning and the DJ Mirchi Suchi were discussing multitasking. They were talking about their jobs and how some people are constantly just going going going, always having several things they are doing or going to do at once, never slowing down. Various people were calling in telling their story of all the things they do, like one woman woke up at 4:30 am and instead of just enjoying a quiet morning to herself, she couldn't stand the thought of doing nothing so she went to the grocery store.

I have struggled for 2years with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It's a disorder that can cause any stressful situation, however minor, to turn into a full blown panic attack, or if you're lucky, just irrational thinking. The way I describe it is that I will have a stressful thought or worry, then 3 minutes later I am planning my own funeral in my head because I am sure that all of this is going to wind up in some disaster. Thankfully, now those thoughts are few and far between, and I have learned to slow down and try to get peace in my life, and in my mind. Some questions I ask myself when I start to get stressed are:

"What is the worst case scenario if I can't get this done?"
"Will someone be hurt if I can't get this done?"
"If I don't do this am I being lazy, or just nice to myself?"
"What do I need to do to make this easier on myself?"
"Is this really worth stressing over?"

Usually this helps and I can either better organize my thoughts and/or tasks and just slow down.

Happiness....It's easier than you think

September 6 2010

I think it's natural for us all to want to justify and/or measure our level of content and happiness. We compare it to other times in our lives and we feel good if we come to a place where we feel happier than we were in the past. My own life is a great example. On this day 2 years ago I was merely hours into a whirlwind life changing event. I couldn't imagine that I would heal, let alone be happy. But today, my life has made a dramatic change for the better and I am happier and more content than I have ever been. But even in this new life that I have, there are still things that I think about that "if only" I had them, I could be happier. Now I don't want this to be confused with goal setting which I think is imperative to everyone. Take my friend Pooja. Pooja is a goal setting super girl. I've never met anyone so young that can make a goal, determine mindfully how she is going to reach it, and attain it. If she could do it and make it, she would be a millionaire. Her type of goal setting, in my opinion, is healthy. What I'm talking about is the type of person who keeps saying, "If I only had a significant other" or "If only I had a better business". This person may look to other people or even celebrities as having it all and that their own happiness is futile. Satisfaction is always out of reach. I think to some extent we all do it. For me, right now I am stuck in, "If only I could get my computer business off the ground." and "If only I had the confidence to write a book".

Practicing Random Acts of Kindness brings the everyday circumstances in our lives having the potential to bring us great happiness or despair. Everyday occurrences usually happen by chance, so if we rely on everyday events as the foundation of our feelings, what an emotional roller coaster to live on each day! What I  am saying is that if we make a list of our "if only"s we can see what we put all of our emotion into. Then, I suggest ripping it up or burning it. I probably would like to keep mine as a reminder of what's really not that important to my happiness. It's hard not to focus on a single achievement or goal. But I think when we let go of the feeling of the final outcome, when we don't get attached to the happiness "it" should bring us, but instead focus inward on ourselves, you will never fail to find the happiness within.

Photo of My friend Pooja (Pooja as you said I write about you and post your photo, Happy!) 

Mittai Veedu

September 5 2010

This clip is dedicated to our Saravanan Anna and Malathi Anni 

How I got through (and over) my love failure

September 4 2010

With millions of people getting love failure every year, I thought it would be appropriate to write about my own. I realized I mention it sometimes in my blog posts and upon noticing this it sort of bothered me, but when I think about it, it really has shaped me into the great person I am today.

A brief background on what happened:

I was with Anipra for 14 years we got known each other, since I was 16 years old. I don't think she ever really wanted to marry me, but she didn't want to lose me either, so I think she chose the less painful path for her. Two years before we began talking about getting married, She began to force me to get married asap. This went on for several months until I met her father. I hoped we could fix the marriage and her family seemed willing as well. When the engagement ring was given to me, I was excited, happy, and joyful. This is one of the most wonderful things that happened in my life... Also, it has brought me to realize the beauty of being in love with my gorgeous fiancée....

After that the worst thing happened in my life. YES! I was arrested for a false complaint. At that point I was 28 years old and we had been together for 12 years. I was really at my lowest of lows. I was convinced that there was no possible way I was going to heal from this and thought of myself as "damaged goods". Her family stopped everything and she too didn't understand my honesty and betrayed me. My self esteem was in the toilet. I lost my faith in marriage and love. I thought over and over again, "Does ANYONE live happily ever after anymore?"

Before I could even think of living happily ever after with someone else, I had to live happily ever after with myself. After I picked myself up off the ground (actually, more like dug myself out of a deep hole full of crap) I started making plans about how I was going to heal. I'll be honest; part of it was needing to prove to Anipra that I wasn't going to hold a candle for her and want her back (which I didn't anyway). I wouldn't let her or anyone else think I could let this take over me and cause permanent damage. I vowed I would become a damage piece of crap, better than ever! I never realized just how powerful that message to myself became.

I compiled a list of things I did to heal and get over her and the event (note: those are two totally separate things to get over. I found it MUCH easier to get over her rather than what happened). They are in no particular order:

1. Therapy
Luckily, I  got a great therapist for counseling. I saw her at least once a week or twice. In her office I was allowed to be as vulnerable as I needed without judgement and say things I may be embarrassed to tell anyone else.

2. Telling my story
I can't count how many times I have told the story. The first few times it was like I was telling it about someone else because I was still in shock that I was in that situation. Very soon I learned that I was made alone, and I couldn't relate anyone else like me. Quickly it became more about gossiping, and less about healing. I went to a workshop about 4 months after that and I had split and the woman running it confronted me and very firmly told me to stop telling my story, saying that I was giving my power up to her. At first I believed her, but soon after thought that was the worst advice I had ever heard. I was actually giving myself power by hearing the words come out of my mouth and slowly figuring out how and why it all fell apart. How was I supposed to learn anything by keeping my mouth shut? The more I shared my story, the more my growth and development flourished.

3. Faith
When I was in Chennai an old man stopped me and as he approached I thought he was going to ask me for directions. He said, "Who is God to you?" I replied with no hesitation, "He's Lord Ayyappan". I almost had to turn around and look over my shoulder to see if that answer had come from someone else. I hadn't been to temple since she betrayed me. But the answer came out of my mouth like I was saying my own name. He smiled and gave me Swamy Ayyappan's photo and walked away. As I walked down to my home tears streamed down my face. I knew where I had to go. As I pulled into the parking lot of the temple I grew up going to I didn't know exactly why I was there. In the temple I asked about the old man who gave me the photo and I found him.  He said he remembered me and asked me why I was there. I broke down in uncontrollable sobs and told him. "Please don't think I'm crazy, I'm not on hope, really!" That's all I could come up with. He handed me a piece of soft absorbent paper and said, "Son, everyone is born with a hole in their heart. All our lives we try to fill it up with things like money, food, sex, alcohol and whatever else. If you fill it with God, everything will work out."

4. Exercise
Did I just hear a collective groan? Really, exercise helped me tremendously. My exercise of choice was running (still is) and I ran my heart out. I ran and imagined myself running away from my problems (which is obviously impossible, but it was great motivation), I ran to be somewhere else. I put my headphones on and listened to sometimes angry music (Alanis Morisette's "You Oughta Know" and Nine Inch Nails "Hand that Feeds You") or sometimes inspirational music (AR Rahman's "Roja" to "Robo") Sometimes I would run so fast and so hard I felt like my heart would explode out of my chest. But what exercise did for me was
1) Gave me something to do to fill time
2) Gave me confidence mentally and physically
3) Cleared my head
4) Lord knows I needed all the help I could get in that department
5. Family and Friends/Filled my calender
Very soon after the big event I was sitting alone in my apartment with my computer and a bottle of vodka. I realized If this continued I would end up crying every night and slowly turn into as Rajini said"I am not an elephant I am a horse If I fell down I ll getup fast with huge force" But my life went without the humor and something I lost. So, I picked up the phone, grabbed my planner and called all of my family and blogging friends. I made plans for as many nights as I could. Looking back, this was probably one of the most helpful things that I did. Everyone was more than willing to see me and spend time with me. It got me out of my apartment and took my mind off things. Time passed quicker.

6. Journaling
I had started journaling when I suspected she betrayed me and her family was cheating, so I just continued. I got all of my crazy thoughts, typed in all caps, wrote her scathingly hateful letters (which never got sent), and basically poured my heart and soul out. When I couldn't call her to scream at her, I would take it out on my keyboard and start typing.  When I felt like I was falling apart, I would write. It was password protected because even in death I don't want anyone to see it. What was most helpful was looking back at what I was feeling and seeing my own healing progress. It gave me hope that things could get even better.

7. Creating a Vision Board
This came later in my healing, after I realized I was worthy (and ready) for a better life. I developed "the attitude of gratitude" and wrote down 10 things I was grateful for. It was actually easier to come up with than I thought it would be.  I then drew a picture of what I wanted my life to look like. It was simple (I'm no artist, it was basically stick figures).  I had to come to terms with the fact that it may take a long time until I met someone great, but I knew exactly what I wanted her to be like. My vision board told her story; She will have integrity and I am waiting for her.

8. Reading self help books
My therapist recommended a couple, but one that I "accidentally" found at a book store helped me the most. Welcome to Your Crisis by Laura Day helped me realize my situation was an invitation for a new life. Private Lies by Frank Pittman talks about the reasons spouses cheat. I didn't focus too much on reading about infidelity and broken love because for me, I knew it was over. I read books that helped me become a better person. I also read two books on codependency and later found out I was what is know as a "love addict" and read Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction (which by the way, if you're codependent, there's a good chance you're a love addict). This particular book spoke to me. It was one of those books where I thought she was writing about my life. After every other page my jaw fell open and I furiously took notes and said out loud, "Oh my GOD!" It was shocking how much of a love addict I was in that relationship and I am forever grateful that I found out so I could fix it.

9. Online support
I never thought this would help, but it did. I found a love failure support group on i village. On their discussion boards I found a group of men all going through their own failures. Some were victims of infidelity, others had different stories. But it was a place where I could be anonymous and vent, complain, get advice and just have sincere support. I was amazed at the genuine encouragement and friendships that were developed there. Sometimes it was difficult because my friends, although loving, caring and supportive, couldn't relate because none of them had ever been in my situation. There on my online support group I had a sense of sociability that was greatly needed.

10. Blogging
Honestly, writing this blog has helped a lot. It's helped me organize and put on paper what I've learned. I had to come to terms with the fact that that relationship is a big part of my past and a big part of who I am. Blogging has helped. It's allowed me to use it as an avenue not of complaint, but of gratitude for the learning. If you're thinking about doing it, but aren't sure if you want other people reading about it, remember you can always make your blog private, invite people to read it by email only or publish it later when you're ready.

11. Screaming in my room alone
Okay, so I left the most lunatic sounding one for last. Yes, I screamed as loud as I could in my room. I felt it was the only place no one would hear me. I screamed so loud I would lose my voice. I would scream obscenities at Anipra. If anyone did hear me I probably would have been committed, but I needed to do it, so I did.

Those are the things that did help. I think it's important to point out something that didn't: I needed more time. Looking back, I really enjoyed the time I had my little studio apartment by out side of the city, just me and my parents. I was terrified, but so alive. Too soon I started feel like I took the hard way to learn who I was and hurt some people along the way.

It took me a long time to get where I am today. It wasn't easy. It was the hardest thing I've ever faced in my life. I never thought I would end up a statistic but I did. My heart goes out to anyone going through a love breakdown, weather you wanted it or not. There are so many different emotions involved.

If you get nothing else from this post, please believe if you are going through this or have in the past, a love failure is an opportunity for growth and development. Once the fog clears, pick yourself up and make it your mission to have a kick ass life. It's your choice.

Chinachiru kiliye by Arjun

September 3 2010

Astonishing Performance by Arjun!

AR Rahman praises Arjun for his amazing performance!

September 3 2010

As AR Rahman written in his Facebook wall
Sep 3, 2010 7:12pm Yesterday morning was one of the best that i had ever had this year. I was invited for a piano recital by students of Dr Chatterjee who teaches the piano at KMMC (he follows the Russian conservatory method ). Most of the students had started learning to play the piano from scratch just months ago and were playing like they had played it all their lives. But the highlight of the concert was a visually challenged student who started just 4 months ago. He played like a pro and was stunning....and was better than all of the others .. God Bless! - A R R

A R Rahman commented on Arjun's performance. Arjun is my sister-in-law's nephew. He comes from a musical family and is a great kid. What a great performance! he is really Gods gift to us!

What Flavor Jelly Belly Are You?

September 2 2010

You Are a Juicy Pear Jelly Bean
You are mild mannered and subtle. You don’t like to make a big show of anything.
You don’t need to boast or brag. To know you is to appreciate you.

You are sophisticated and smart. You intuitively understand what taste and style really are.
You are well traveled and broad minded. You tend to know what you like, but you’re open to new discoveries.

Fun With Letters...

September 1 2010

All answers must start with the first letter of your name:

OCCUPATION: Programmer
COLOR: Pink( My Krithi)
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Pro labs -Sports costume!
A PLACE: Paris
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Pears - well in my bathroom DOVE!
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Protect your self from Humans!!!!!BE ALONE Its My Style!
FOOD: PIZZA with liquid cheeze!

No news on the house either.... if I don't hear from PM industries by today - I think I'll up enough courage and call tomorrow morning - I don't want to push too hard!

ha ha *Big Sigh*