Hi I Hate You

March 25th, 2009

I am the guy who is sitting in my car at rush hour staring straight ahead with a scowl on the face. I am the one who is watching young lovers walking by and feeling envious. The depression is back and it’s filled with resentment and hate. Why are you such a loser? What a f... up! No wonder you’re alone. You’re going to end up mean and isolated just like that old guy down the street. Nobody likes you. oh God I am saying to my self "you’re ugly! Run your car into that concrete overpass and just be done with it already. Do everyone a favor".

The depression is getting strong very quickly. This morning it was only a thought. A thought to sleep in a little later. By noon the thoughts were becoming incapacitating, draining my body of it’s energy. By the time I got home from outside I was exhausted and took a two hour nap but I only feel more exhausted. The paranoia is back. I’ve managed to convince myself with evidence to the contrary that I am going to be fired from this world. I feel relieved. I don’t want to deal with the stress.

This is all so much bullshit. It’s the depression and not me. I hate it. I hate me. I just want to sleep.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

we love you