How bad I feel...

June 21 2010

It feels weird to be sitting here writing this on some random blog on the internet when I've never told a single person in my life how I really feel…guess that’s the thing about the internet you don’t really have to fear what you write…but anyway guess here it goes…

A couple of years ago my girlfriend broke up with me, yes I know your thinking this how all suicide stories start, but to be honest this started even before then…I just get no real pleasure out of my life.

So here I am again contemplating what has steadily become more and more of a real solution…the idea of not having to keep each day up honestly feeling so down and dragging myself through each hour until finally going back to bed and barely sleeping seems pretty great…

My family have been good to me…my dad and I have never been close and my mum is termagant( she never accept mistakes)  but they’re good people…my friends have been there for me too I guess but I could never tell any of them just how bad I feel…

I guess that is about it really…I dunno where I am with suicide now but really the notion of living for another 20…maybe 30 years is an awful idea to me…maybe some people just aren’t meant for this life…it’s never felt right to me.