I would suggest you not to read this if you expect something meaningful.

November 13 2011

Just like the title this post makes no sense. 

No even to me. Just like my brain, it is a cluster fuck of all the thoughts that are spiraling my brain right now. 

And though it surprises me every time, I yet again write just to clear off my mind, because somehow magically whatever once written by me gets automatically deleted almost permanently from my brain. So end line : Reading/commenting is upon personal discretion. 

  

Things in my head dont make sense. Its like all train of thoughts clashing at the same intersection with me standing in the exact center. 

Procrastination at its peak. I usually ponder over the fact how I have been an idol ‘Procrastinator’ all my life but never knowing until recently what it was called. I usually heard people say this word, and all I could think of was ‘Show off people’ and nod like I very well knew what the whole discussion was about. 

Have you ever felt really stupid about your self, only stupid being an absolute understatement? Like every important decision, decisions that could change your life are wrong. Like a sudden psychic feeling that everything you opted for is going to end up as a regret. I have Or better, the phase is still on.

You speak cool, you write, people talk to you and you feel at the top of the world. You suddenly regret not being here sooner. You think you belong here. But this is just an illusion. Your virtual self may be the coolest thing around. People might actually look forward to everything you write, but deep inside you know you don't have a life. If you go out in the real world, there is nowhere that you stand. Because the real life decisions that you take are far off being right, let alone being perfect. 

Caring for your family or having an enviable career? 

Earning respect in society or following your interest? 

What should would you choose? 

In the first place should these over-extensive-thought-needed issues cross your mind when you are at 31? 

You tell yourself this isn't the end of the world. It wont be, even if you fail. Though it would be if you never try. Do you want to be a coward? The one who never tried? Which regret would be better? The regret of Making the wrong choice? or the regret of never knowing since you never tried?  

P.S: Donot tell me that the spelling of pyscic is wrong. I know I wrote it wrong again. My spell check tells me that too. I didn't listen to her, what makes you think I would to you? I wont backspace and correct. Life isn't about backspaces and erasers it is all about writing with a pen. (And yes I know that the spellchecker is a female. Because they just cant mind their own fucking business.) 

P.P.S: If you manged to make any sense out of it : GOOD. If not : Care not to comment. 

Three thirty in the morning with hair that looks messy, Eyes that look like somebody just boiled them and mouth that stinks more than a buffalo's sty would, I didn't write this to hear someone saying I shouldn't. This was much needed.