I’ve been looking back through my recent posts,
Over the last week or so, and I’ve noticed that not
One of them contains any depression-linked content.
Interesting. Coincidentally, (or not so much, perhaps)
I’ve been on leave for the last week. There’s got to be
A link in there somewhere.
Also, I’ve been much more mentally active than I usually am.
When I’m working, I get home from a day in the office and
Collapse into my chair, open my laptop and spend the evening
Mindlessly browsing the net. There’s very little brain activity.
It’s almost like I get home and the brain says, ‘Great! Downtime!’
This extends to pretty basic stuff, like writing cheques out and
Doing basic housework. There’s no planning ahead either.
Who has the energy for that?!
I’ve also started thinking ahead about things - what to do next in
Terms of investment, how long to wait start my work back,
What to do with the current ones etc, etc. It’s almost like, when
I’m not working, I have the mental space to take care of these kinds
Of things. This worries me. I hate to think that I can either a) work
Or b) function well in other parts of my life, but not do both at once.
So what is it that’s giving me the ability to do all this stuff?
It’s not as simple as saying, ‘well, you’re not at work,
So you have more time’. This is undeniably partly true.
However, it’s just not that simple. For example,
I’ve been able to have a nap every day. This has made a
Huge difference, not only in my ability to do things,
But also in my mood. I’ve not felt overwhelmed or hopeless
Or dispairing once. I see the tasks that need to be done,
But instead of feeling like I just can’t do them, I have a
Feeling of quiet confidence that I will get them done.
This is how i used to feel all the time, prior to becoming
Depressed. Plus, I’ve been more happy generally.
Anyhow, this is an incredibly boring and introspective post,
But i wanted to get it down for comparative purposes
And future reference.Turns out that when I’m not working,
I feel great. Now I just need to win from this & to be able to
Maintain my mental health.