When did I last laugh?

December 9th, 2008

Firstly, I am very sorry for any concern I caused last night. It's just

That I am so tired and lonely, and I seem to have lost so much.

I know self-destructive behaviour is never really an answer, but

Sometimes I just want to give up and let go and stop trying so hard to

Do the right things, the sane, balanced healthy things.

I feel I have turned into someone leaden and Flattened and dull.

When did I last laugh?

When did I last find the world beautiful?

When did I last feel strong?

There is just this dreadful ebbing away of meaning.

I keep looking back and trying to work out where things went wrong this year.

I started it full of determination and hope, and yet here

I am now still reeling from the past few months.