When did I last laugh?

December 9th, 2008

Firstly, I am very sorry for any concern I caused last night. It's just
That I am so tired and lonely, and I seem to have lost so much.
I know self-destructive behaviour is never really an answer, but
Sometimes I just want to give up and let go and stop trying so hard to
Do the right things, the sane, balanced healthy things.
I feel I have turned into someone leaden and Flattened and dull.
When did I last laugh?
When did I last find the world beautiful?
When did I last feel strong?
There is just this dreadful ebbing away of meaning.

I keep looking back and trying to work out where things went wrong this year.
I started it full of determination and hope, and yet here
I am now still reeling from the past few months.

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