Making Sense

April 24th, 2009

I had an appointment with my personal tutor today, to talk about Extenuating Circumstaces. At the time, I was fine with it, I can understand our decision: do it in retrospect. That’s fine with me, that’s not the problem. The problem is why I can’t do the work, why I lie in bed all day instead of getting up.
I saw him before this month about things, so he already knows. But I just can’t explain it. Why I want to put in the extenuating circumstances form. To put it in makes me feel lazy. Like I’m not even trying; he fails to understand that. I will try, I always do. He said that if I start working as soon as I leave his office, that there is no reason why I will do badly in my exams. In theory, in principal, yes. It makes sense in my head, I just don’t know why I can’t do it, why after an hour my head wanders and I’m exhausted and have to sleep. Logically there is no answer to this, and I’m so angry at myself for being like this. I want to study, these courses interest me; just something is stopping me. I wish I knew what the problem was, why I can’t just get on with everything, like a normal person. I’m kidding myself, I’m not ill. Just lazy.

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