Selfish Spoilt Child: How I Want Everything I Cannot Have

April 29th, 2009

I want to eat because I’m bored and depressed but then I’m terrified of gaining weight.

I want to sleep to escape how I’m feeling but then I’m having nightmares that make me wake up bolt upright in bed.

I want to self-harm but now my Mum is more aware of the situation I don’t want her knowing I’ve been in self-harming that badly.

I want to die but then I’m scared of not being able to even do that properly.

I want to stop taking all the meds but then I’m scared that if I feel this bad on them, how will I feel off them?

I want all of this crap to end. I tried ringing Sharmila today just for a bit of moral support to tell me I can get through this but she was out. Instead I got my doc with a computer system that was down so he didn’t know anything about me. I know I see her on Friday and I only have to get through tonight and then tomorrow.

I guess I want doesn’t get though.

I just want an assurance that this will end.

No comments: