April 29th, 2009
I want to eat because I’m bored and depressed but then I’m terrified of gaining weight.
I want to sleep to escape how I’m feeling but then I’m having nightmares that make me wake up bolt upright in bed.
I want to self-harm but now my Mum is more aware of the situation I don’t want her knowing I’ve been in self-harming that badly.
I want to die but then I’m scared of not being able to even do that properly.
I want to stop taking all the meds but then I’m scared that if I feel this bad on them, how will I feel off them?
I want all of this crap to end. I tried ringing Sharmila today just for a bit of moral support to tell me I can get through this but she was out. Instead I got my doc with a computer system that was down so he didn’t know anything about me. I know I see her on Friday and I only have to get through tonight and then tomorrow.
I guess I want doesn’t get though.
I just want an assurance that this will end.
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