There's no pleasing some people

October 3rd, 2008

(i.e) me
When I'm in the hospital I want to be at home. When I'm at home - well,
I don't want to be in the hospital, but I don't want to be at home either.
I'd just rather like not to be anywhere at all.

My family took me back to hospital last Sunday evening. Now I'm home
Again on overnight leave. I probably shouldn't be surprised I'm
Struggling, But somehow I am. Surprised that is. And struggling too.

It's no good though. I realised last week, while exploring the
Possibilities of hanging myself from the bed lamp, that I am far too
Chicken to actually kill myself. And since I won't make an attempt
That has any possibility of failure, Then in reality I am quite safe.
I just feel foul. Panicky and just plain bad.

(Ok, so that sounds very negative. I'm actually doing quite well.
Working quite hard at it, but doing quite well. All things considered.

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