Wired & far away

October 6th, 2008

I dreamed about being full of energy and completely hyper, which

Seems a little ominous. It also seems a little ominous that the

Ativan 10 mg didn't keep me asleep quite so well last night, though

I did still have to hold onto things for a while when I first got up.

I still feel strange and disconnected, but have come up with the idea

That it may have something to do with zopiclone withdrawal which

Apparently can have symptoms such as "anxiety, tachycardia,

Tremor, sweats, flushes, palpitations, derealisation,and further

Insomnia". I took zopiclone regularly until about ten days ago. When

You also factor in that I've had rather a lot of lorazepam over the last

Three months and now have none, things feel like they might make

Sense. Withdrawal symptoms listed for lorazepam "include headaches,

Anxiety, tension, depression, insomnia, restlessness, confusion,

Irritability, sweating, dysphoria, dizziness, derealization,

Depersonalization, numbness/tingling of extremities, hypersensitivity

To light, sound, and smell, perceptual distortions, nausea, appetite loss,

Hallucinations, delirium, seizures, tremor, stomach cramps, myalgia,

Agitation, palpitations, tachycardia, panic attacks,

short-term memory loss, and hyperthermia."

Oh the joys of medication!

Still, it lets me think that maybe eventually I might feel a little bit more

Well than I do now. I tried to explain this to my family when they

Visited earlier, that I just don't feel quite right, I just don't feel very well.

They tried to feed me positive thoughts - congratulating me on having

Done some washing up, reminding me that there was a time I couldn't

Even speak to them and now we have actual conversations, pointing out

That I've been in hospital a long time & I'm obviously trying hard to

Cope & doing much better than I was. Which I guess is all true, it's just

Hard to accept that these little things have to be counted as

Achievements in my World.

I noticed that I keep flipping into thinking that since I'm not in

Hospital I must be fine and should be doing all sorts of useful things,

Including getting a business,instead of drifting from sofa to the

compdesk & back again, struggling even to concentrate on television,

And staring at the walls a lot. But I just don't seem to be able to get

Hold of myself, I can't get Going, I feel so weird and far away.