Wired & far away

October 6th, 2008

I dreamed about being full of energy and completely hyper, which
Seems a little ominous. It also seems a little ominous that the
Ativan 10 mg didn't keep me asleep quite so well last night, though
I did still have to hold onto things for a while when I first got up.

I still feel strange and disconnected, but have come up with the idea
That it may have something to do with zopiclone withdrawal which
Apparently can have symptoms such as "anxiety, tachycardia,
Tremor, sweats, flushes, palpitations, derealisation,and further
Insomnia". I took zopiclone regularly until about ten days ago. When
You also factor in that I've had rather a lot of lorazepam over the last
Three months and now have none, things feel like they might make
Sense. Withdrawal symptoms listed for lorazepam "include headaches,
Anxiety, tension, depression, insomnia, restlessness, confusion,
Irritability, sweating, dysphoria, dizziness, derealization,
Depersonalization, numbness/tingling of extremities, hypersensitivity
To light, sound, and smell, perceptual distortions, nausea, appetite loss,
Hallucinations, delirium, seizures, tremor, stomach cramps, myalgia,
Agitation, palpitations, tachycardia, panic attacks,
short-term memory loss, and hyperthermia."

Oh the joys of medication!

Still, it lets me think that maybe eventually I might feel a little bit more
Well than I do now. I tried to explain this to my family when they
Visited earlier, that I just don't feel quite right, I just don't feel very well.
They tried to feed me positive thoughts - congratulating me on having
Done some washing up, reminding me that there was a time I couldn't
Even speak to them and now we have actual conversations, pointing out
That I've been in hospital a long time & I'm obviously trying hard to
Cope & doing much better than I was. Which I guess is all true, it's just
Hard to accept that these little things have to be counted as
Achievements in my World.

I noticed that I keep flipping into thinking that since I'm not in
Hospital I must be fine and should be doing all sorts of useful things,
Including getting a business,instead of drifting from sofa to the
compdesk & back again, struggling even to concentrate on television,
And staring at the walls a lot. But I just don't seem to be able to get
Hold of myself, I can't get Going, I feel so weird and far away.

No comments: