Depression: things I miss

October 15th, 2008

I went to besant nagar beach alone today. Seeing the beach
After such a long time reminded me of how different I am,
And my life is, since I’ve been depressed. So, I thought I’d
Cheer myself up and do a list of all the things I miss from my
Pre-mentalist (to borrow an expression from days.

1. I miss feeling invincible. Now when I get up in the morning,
It’s like there’s a question mark over everything. Will this be a
Good day? Will I cope well? Badly? Not at all?
2. I miss having a mind drive.
3. I miss being effortlessly good at my business. With the
Depression, I have good and bad days. But even on my good days,
I don’t function as well at work as I used to.
4. I miss having the energy to do stuff. Even though I’ve always
Loved my sleep, I still was able to power through a working week,
Then spend all weekend running around doing stuff. No longer.
5. I miss seeing my friends. I’ve really become reclusive since
My mental health went downhill. My friends have been wonderful,
But there’s only so much contact you can have with somebody who
Doesn’t go out, won’t respond to emails, doesn’t pick up the phone,
Etc, etc.

Ugh. I think I’ve managed to further depress myself. But I really
Wanted to make a list of the stuff I miss, because it is important to
Me, and if I can’t vent here, where the f.... can I?

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