It’s been too painful

July 10 2010

I've struggled making a post because I wanted to write something in response to the person (Anonymous - ss) who recently comments on my post. I really thank for your kind and energetic words. But life it’s been too painful to continue with it.

The juxtaposition of me and her personalities was emotional complexions. Writing caused me to mentally re-experience some of the neglect and abuse of my past and I’m not willing to do that. I still want to keep it buried. It defines me.

I felt relief when I allowed myself to throw out the post and then I listened to a song which I’ve listened to many times before, except I really heard it this time.

“Do you carry every sadness with you
Every hour your heart was broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with you”

Someone wrote that.  I don’t think they could have unless they had an understanding of deep emotional pain or else a hell of a lot of empathy.

It touches me because it’s the very explanation of how I live.  Don’t think of me enjoying life because it doesn't happen and I never allow myself relief from my sadness. My spirit is mortally wounded.  I don't have the blues, I am  not coming out of this, this is my burden, I can’t let go.


Arthi said...

Anonymous SS please encourage him he feels that there is nobody and he solitude himself

Pooja said...

We deserve Prabhu a lot but he is down hill what to say? Anitha is a great tragedy for him.

Anonymous said...

hey prabhu..

why are you holding on to your burden!? just let it go.. you are only hurting yourself and others by holding on to your sad thoughts.. there is no benefit to anyone!

i can understand how it feels when someone breaks your heart.. i have been through this too.. it happens to most of us.. you are not alone!! just take this as a learning experience.. there are people who go through worse problems than this.. be grateful you have such good friends and family to support you.. your life is not going to be always sad like this.. if there are bad times, there will be good times too..

if you felt relieved writing the post, do that more often.. get all your feelings out.. write it in a diary and burn it.. don't harbor your sad past.. let it go and you will be happy! redefine a new you..

btw, don't listen to such sad songs.. there are plenty of good, cheerful songs! you need to put an effort to get out of this painful situation..