I write when I am upset and alone...

July 28 2010

Sometimes I miss my writing.  I wonder if I’ll remember anything at all… about what’s going on in my mind lately.  My memory is not very reliable.  There are many blanks in my past and the only thing that fills them is what I've written at the time.   Still, what I write is not completely reliable. Memories change with moods.  Memories change with aditional information.  Memories change too much.  In my obsessive search not to forget, I’ve collected everything from photos to blogs, pieces of paper, chocolate wrappers, gifts, sounds, and the list keeps going.  I don’t know what to do with so much ,or how to organize it, or if it’s worth it, or if it helps, or if I’ll even look at it again.  But I don’t want to forget anything, and I don’t want to lose perspective of anything at all.  And it drives me mad. My brain is not good enough for my high aspirations.  Nobody’s brain is.

I’m reading this or that book, playing this or that game), but somehow this says more, and will say more to my future self who reads it about what I want to know.

Life is too short anyway. Will my future self be in any condition to read this and try to add it to the never ending  game?  I don’t mean to get philosophical.

1 comment:

Sruthi said...

You’re never alone. I used to go back and delete any posts that didn’t have comments on them, and still do sometimes – But I just set myself I challenge to post 5 days a week in july as I remembered I used to post almost every day when I started. Looking back there now was surprising, in a good way. Some posts didn’t make much sense, others moved me. Hard to describe, and I know you can’t force creativity, but it’s nice to look back sometimes and think “Yeah, that was me”.