May 25th, 2009
At this point, I’d say that 80% of the physical symptoms of my disorder have all but vanished. I should be excited, right? Well, I think so too, yet my mind fixates on that last 20%. I could go a whole day and only feel one physical symptom, yet my mind will grasp onto that symptom like it is the last piece of bread on earth. As I thought about why, it started to make sense, I still have not fully accepted my diagnosis. So everytime I feel something physical in my body, my brain kicks into over drive. Rather than say “oh, ok that is a common reaction to anxiety and stress, I’ll note it and move it” oh no, my internal dialog is more like “what the hell was that? I thought I was getting better. This is a sure sign that sometime horrible has gone wrong. Is it a brain tumor? Is it a headache this time? What is this? Do I call the doctor? What do I do?” and of course everything falls apart at that point.
Can anyone give me some advice on how I can accept my diagnosis? I would greatly appreciate it. I think until I can accept, I will be destined to fail.
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