My Conclusion

June 21st, 2009

I keep trying to write new posts but it isn’t working out for me. I realize that I don’t really have anything worth writing about. There is nothing actively happening in my life. I’m just quietly waiting for this situation to resolve. I think the conclusion that I have come to is that no matter what she decides to do. There is too much hurt, resentment, and anger. I don’t want to have to carry that around with me. She and I both need a fresh start. We have been together since we were just kids. We have become the adults we are because of each other. As much as I have enjoyed much of our time and growth, I need and want to develop outside of her. Who knows, maybe I’ll like the me with out her better.

I was speaking about this situation today and I realized that part of the reason I hate this situation so much is because I have no control over anything. I have been forced in to a situation where all of my options are terrible. When I really look at the situation I don’t even think that I can logically say that I even have two options. It’s unreasonable to think that speaking with her is even viable. I hate that. Since I was about 29 my life has been all set. I will continue my business, marry Anipra, and get a good life. I was happy with that. It’s really hard and terrifying to think that everything I thought my life was going to be has changed. The basis of EVERYTHING is different. I can’t even express how scary that is. I know that I will be ok eventually and I don’t doubt that I will live a happy life but that doesn’t make this any less scary and terrible right now.