June 16th, 2009

When I don’t get sleep everything feels wrong for the rest of the day. Sleep is often an elusive thing for me. There are many nights that I lay awake and wonder why. Either I am thinking too much or my sleep isn’t deep enough or I am awaken too early by a snore or an alarm. And then there is nothing that I can do about it. That is that. I am up and can’t go back to sleep.

I have found that when I sleep I feel pretty stable, as long as I get around nine hours a night. When I sleep less I get disturbed and when I sleep too long I get depressed, down in the mouth. And if this happens night after night then those moods get worse and worse.

I don’t know the cure. I do know that I take a sleep aid and I work at making sure that I follow a routine and I don’t think that I will ever be able to change the fact that I am a light sleep and always have been. My heavy feather pillow has been the saving grace in it all. I plop it over my exposed ear and I can hardly hear anything. That helps a lot.

So this morning it was the alarm that was snoozed twice and I lay there and kept thinking, “Why don’t you just get up? Or instead, why don’t you set your alarm for later? Either way, quit waking me up when I could still be sleeping.” And so I am awake.

1 comment:

Depressed said...

Hi Friend - Infact for me (suffering from major depression)...sleep is a rare luxury. I feel this depression has put me in category of insomniacs. From last so many days I have been awake uptill 5 am in night and then sleeping in day. I cannot help it. I have to take leave from office for no explained reason. So at least I took a sleep medictaion - double dose - yesterday night along woth zapiz 1 mg (anti anxiety) and slept around 10 pm. Now I am awake again at 4 am. But atleast able to sleep like human. Things seem no longer in control of me.