My Weakness Wants Me To Forget The Bad And Remember The Good

June 20th, 2009

The farther removed I get from the whole situation with Anipra, the more I am starting to minimize it. Because nothing insanely painful and dramatic has happened in the last few months, my brains automatic reaction is to forget. Forget all of the hurt. Forget all of the anger. Forget all of the lies.

That’s crazy. There is no excuse for that. I have had 13 years worth of experiences that tell me that idealizing the past is dumb, but it’s so easy to do. It’s so easy for me to focus on the good things. Despite everything, Anipra is the single funniest and smartest person I know and I love that about her. The times we would go to temples, parks and cinemas and she would bring something like interesting books and I would look over and see her reading a 200 page book, but because she was simply interested. Or the time she got me a same type of books (which was the best gift ever). Or the many times we laughed until I had an stomach pain. Those are the things that I can’t get out of my head…. and it hurts. It hurts badly. I miss her so intensely it feels like a physical sensation. I hate it. I know that as time goes on it will get less painful but for now it stinks.