I am both the criminal and the victim

October 4 2010

We all hate being taken for granted, yet the people we love the most, especially our family, are the ones we take for granted all the time. People can't live with each other, or without. I mean, more than six billion on the planet, yet the amount of loneliness on earth is amazing. Isn't that ironical? We spend years waiting for a few moments. It's driving me crazy.

You never realize how much you love someone till you seem to be losing them, or till you see them hurt, a hurt you could have probably prevented by being there for them, and then you can't stop crying. Why can't people just always be there for those they care for? What is the point of loving if you couldn't show up when it mattered, if you couldn't give love when it could heal? Everyone should have people who could be their strength, and who would trust them unfailingly come what may. Otherwise it gets so so alone, especially because so often there are such people in our life and yet we don't have faith, or don't believe they really care, because they aren't there for us when we need them. Nobody should feel so helpless.

And nobody should have to stop talking when they realize no one's listening. Because it makes people do crazy things. Negative energy is as powerful as positive energy. And when you realize you're losing someone because you didn't support them and weren't there for them when you needed to, there's no feeling worse than that helplessness, that guilt.

Dialogue from yesterday's play:

One of these days, I'd be gone. You'd be gone too, sometime, but in the interim, don't spend time wondering how it would have been had you given me some more time when I needed it, because in that moment of pain, I won't be able to be there for you.

Sometimes, you're both the criminal and the victim.