October 27 2011
We all come across some people in life who we don't gel with. May be they have hurt our feelings through word or deed. May be they have hurt us so much that we do not want to ever have anything to do with them. May be we do not even want to look at their faces anymore!! I too have faced such situations in life when someone very dear to me, someone who I looked up to, hurt me and saddened me when I should have been the happiest. He/she betrayed my trust when I most needed them. I had decided that I am never going to forgive that person, never going to meet that person, but it does not help matters when we move in common circles. Invariably we are going to bump into each other and the only way to avoid each other is to look the other way. But does it help?? That is when my Amma taught me an important lesson in life. She told me that by feeling hurt and angry with someone, I am hurting myself. Every time I think about that betrayal, I am hurting from within. I am hurting myself. I am losing my peace of mind, but does it affect the betrayer? No!! In fact, the more I hurt from within, the more I am letting the demons win. I am letting the one incident hurt me time and again. I am the one who is losing. So what do I do about it? She told me, forgive your betrayer. FORGIVE??????? Am I hearing it right?? Forgive my betrayer after all that he/she has done to me?? No I can never do it!! I am not a saint! She only smiled that knowing smile.....
Later when I reflected over what she said, I realized she was right! By thinking about the betrayal and the betrayer, I am letting him/her hurt me again and again. By hurting again and again, I am only letting the perpetrator win. Why should I avoid seeing eye-to-eye or phone to phone with that person? Only a person who is wrong fails to meet the eye or to talk. If I know I am in the right, then why should I not meet his/her eyes?? So I decided to take the bull by its horns. I realized that I will stop thinking about the betrayal only if I let it go, and I can let it go only if I forgive that person. It is not easy to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply, but it is easier to take a stand in life and say "I will not let you hurt me again".
Following this important lesson, today after many years, I have realized that I am in a happy space, a space where it is easier for me to confront the person who has hurt me, meet the person with a smile on my face, a smile that hurts the betrayer, a smile that makes my betrayer squirm, a smile that takes me away from all the hurt....Today, I have moved past that incident and my betrayer affects me no more....
I am no saint. In fact, I am still a short-tempered person, but I have learnt one important lesson in life....that forgiveness is my only revenge.
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