A dark place

January 25th, 2009

I have just spent the last couple of days in a very dark place. It has not been a comfortable experience and it is not over yet. Much of the last 36 hours has been spent sleeping, yet even here I am not safe. I needed the sleep, having slept very badly for the last couple of weeks, but I did not need the nightmares, and the strange noises that woke me at regular intervals.

I don't want to hear the doorbell ringing at 6 in the morning, or a dog barking beside me when I don't have a dog. All of these things have happened in the last 24 hours, and none of them were real. They were all in my mind.

Being in such a dark place is not where I want to be, but getting out of it is not easy. Today I will try to focus my mind on writing an essay. It will not be easy, I know, but only by focusing on one thing at a time can I hope to avoid the dark thoughts invading my mind all the time.