Too many thoughts

February 5th, 2009

Things have not been good for a few days, maybe a week. I have been unable to stop thoughts they are bombarding me. Last week and before I enjoyed the energy, the entusiasm the alertness. Now I am tired. But it won't switch off. I have some thoughts. Thoughts I can't even write here, because I am not willing to share with some who may read, and not understand. I think I am confused unsure of what is real and what isn't. I think I may be insane. Because of my 'SECRET' my care coordinator is concerned. she says the thoughts in my head aren't rational and real. Today I stood on top of a multi-storey building looking down, wanting to jump not to kill myself but because in my head I think I am immortal and no one will believe until I proove it. I wanted to jump get up and walk off. I believ I would have.

I want the thoughts to slow down. But they don't. Nothing drowns them out not even loud music.

So I discussed with CC about going back on the Seroquel (quetiapine) which she thinks is a good idea. Stop things escalating.

Problem is I don't feel like me on them. I feel like a zombie. I don't have the thoughts because I have very little thoughts or reaction I just feel numb and spaced out. Also I don't actually feel I am ill. it's just the thoughts- they bombard me.