How Great You Are

February 13th, 2009

Today I got stuck waiting in traffic. I decided a long time ago not to allow things like waiting in line, at doctor’s appointments, and traffic to cause me anxiety. It has helped calm moods on many instances. Waiting today, I watched as a car seized an opening and was able to jump right in a lane of cars as they began to move. I stayed stuck. It was an opprotunity for me to practice waiting once again. I though about it as I waited and eventually was able to move along. Seizing opportunities is not a strength for me. It is like I am living my life in delayed reaction.

When I was in college working on my undergraduate, my favorite saying was “How Great You Are” It was a time in my life where my moods were stable. I felt one with myself and took life as it was. Opportunity seemed to fulfill itself continually. I am not sure at which point I switched from the living to wishing.  I just found myself feeling more and more that life was not offering me many opportunities. There are days when I think of that period in my life and yearn for its return. I get stuck in reliving each and every moment. As I do that, I begin to loathe my current status. I try and force opportunities to come my way. I begin to expect the unrealistic. This all leads to frustration and unhappiness.

How watching a car in traffic can bring all those feelings forward is beyond the scope of my imagination. I recognize the desire for opprotunity that lies within my soul. I wonder if it will come once again. Maybe it has but my lack of belief in goodness being my friend has blinded me from its sight.

I have decided I am going to find it. I don’t want to demand it or even expect it. I just want to look for it. Maybe soon I will heardling “How Great You Are" once again.