Haitus- Or Not?

December 6th, 2009

At some points this blog has been my life, the only reason to get out
of bed was to post. The only thing to do, the only achievable thing,
another way not to fail. Failure was not to log onto wordpress and
not to answer my emails. Achievement was to leave a comment on
someone else’s blog, a simple life, lonely life, this place encompassed
it. Without it this place feels like a dark, lonely place. Its lonely logging
onto wordpress and knowing I can’t write, I have filled endless pieces
of paper with thoughts but it’s not the same. I have no idea what to do
with this place. Don’t know if I over reacted on Christmas Eve, don’t
know at all. Don’t know if they don’t know and don’t know what to do,
don’t even know if they don’t know I don’t know. This confusion, its
churning in my head, around and around. Relentless. I need here, and
I want here.