December 17th, 2009
It’s not a good idea.
But is it my fear speaking? Or am I right and I’m just dreaming little boy’s dreams? Maybe I am just wanting to have a different life? Better?
Unrealistic expectations?
Will ANYTHING EVER be good enough for me?
What the hell is wrong? Why can’t I take life as it is? why am I never satisfied? Why am I always loking outside trying to get something better? I want satisfaction. I want to feel fulfilled. Why? That’s not the way life it’s supposed to be, life it’s supposed to be hard, with sacrifices.
I don’t mean I want it to be hard.
I just mean… I think I’m going to hit a giant brick wall after I realize the world isn’t the way I thought, after I go out and find out everything else (and everyone else) is just the same way than the things I loathe (and the people). And then I’ll be caught in a world I hate, and it’ll only be my fault, for expecting too much. Why am I expecting so much, who drew butterflies and rainbows in my mind, and why can’t I get rid of them?
But maybe, just maybe, the world and things I dream of may be just real, somewhere.
It’s nothing speficic.
I just want satisfaction.
I want real, steady satisfaction.
Not the crazy maniac episodes of fake excitement.
A little window showing what “happy” is but not letting me in completely.
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