Which sex quote do you like?

January 19 2010

Am in a bit of a blogging block, so here’s some really funny but apt sex quotes. (If you’re looking for more quotes in general, here’s a good place.)

1. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Tom Clancy

2. “You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.” – Steve Martin

3. “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” – Woody Allen

4. “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” – Rodney Dangerfield

5. “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.” – Lynn Lavner

6. “Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.” – Matt Barry

7. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” – George Burns

8. “Men might be able to fake orgasms. But women can fake whole relationships.” – Sharon Stone

9. “My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.” – Steve Jobs

10. “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” – Robin Williams

11. “Clinton lied, A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, he never forgets fucking, no matter how bad it is.” – Barbara Bush

12. “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams

13. “Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” – Roseanne (Barr)

14. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” – Billy Crystal

15. “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” – Robert De Niro

16. “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” – Dustin Hoffman

17. “There’s very little advice in men’s magazine, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” – Jerry Seinfeld

18. “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. ” – Rod Stewart

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Love nos. 7, 10, 12, 14 and 15. Don’t get no. 9 though. Can you explain to self if you do?