August 25 2010
I don’t really know where to begin. I've written so many of these other stories. And this also really sounds no different. Then why even do this? Maybe it will make me feel better.
I lost her you all may know very well. I don’t know if it was me. I don’t know if it was the setting. I don’t know if it was the people. But I lost her. And I can’t shake this awful feeling that I’ll never feel the same about anyone again. But I hate her. I f***ing hate her, everything she’s done to me. Every thing that she’s said to me. Every time she made me feel like I wasn't worth anything. It all swirls around in my head, sending me into a wild emotional roller coaster. I miss her. I need her. I don’t need her. I hate her. She’s wrong for me. But she was so right for me. I don’t feel like I connect with a single other person on the planet really. She really was special to me, unique, amazing, and everything in between. But why didn't I show it every second of every day. I spend the first part of my life being alone and wishing that I had some person who understood me. And here come’s this beautiful 15year old angel. My guardian angel, and my soul mate, my best friend. And she’s been gone for two years now. Making me feel more alone then I've ever felt. Making me feel terrified of feeling this alone for the rest of my life. Yet I still feel like my dad told me yesterday. Told me that she was married to another man. I never thought it would just come to that. The girl I had known since high school. The only girl in the world I thought I would marry. I never cared about any thing in the world. And now I wish I could. I wish I could feel like that again, even just for a second. Everything I have that reminds me of her I slowly remove from my life. Maybe if I get it all I won’t feel like this. Or so I seem to believe. Cause it seems no matter how many times I remove that last little bit, there will still be what’s left inside me. The F*** I can’t remove. The feeling that makes me just want to drive a knife into my chest and pull out whatever the hell it is that makes this hurt so bad. The feelings of light headedness. The anxiety. The depression. The lack of breath. The lack of feeling. The lack of anything that I can think of that makes me human. I’m lost. And I don’t feel like it’s getting any better. Everything I do, I wonder what she would think about me. It really just makes me dizzy enough to throw up. Because I know, I know deep inside my mind or my heart or wherever this stems from, that she is not thinking about me at all. That there’s nothing I can do to make her come back to me. That I couldn't keep her with all my strength, as hard as I tried, and as much love as I could give. But it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Because I’m a f***ing moron. I could have tried harder, I know it. But it’s too late. And now it’s too late for me. Or that’s what it feels like. I’ve lost my other half, and I don’t know where to go without it. I’m just going through the motions. Work, eat, sleep, sleep, sleep, and a lot of sleep. Waiting for the day that god finally grants me a little mercy and flicks that little switch inside me to off and I can leave this world forever.
I’ve done my time. I’ve even dated other people, I don’t want other people. But I can’t have her. It doesn’t get better from here, this I am positive. I’m ready to die now.
I wonder if she’ll even call me when our love dies.
The Red Cross...
August 24 2010
Forgot to add that The Red Cross is such a wonderful organization and they need your help - be it a little or a lot. Please feel it in your hearts to donate something to help these people in need at the moment. I am!
Thank you!!!
Forgot to add that The Red Cross is such a wonderful organization and they need your help - be it a little or a lot. Please feel it in your hearts to donate something to help these people in need at the moment. I am!
The Indian Red Cross
Thank you!!!
Me, Myself & You...
August 23 2010
Me = Me.
Myself = My conscience/alter ego/whatever. I talk to myself.
Mr. X = You are asking me.
Mr. X – So then, what you aiming for, Google OS?
Me – Yeah, pretty much.
Myself – Um, do you really believe you can clear the Google OS? Because I don’t.
Me – Um, are you telling me that you don’t believe in yourself?
Myself – When did I say that? I don’t believe in YOU.
Me – But you can’t believe in yourself and not believe in me!
Myself – Why can’t I? Huh?
Me – Dude, because you ARE me!
Myself – Says who?
Me – Says I!
Myself - But I don’t even believe in you!
Me – You don’t believe IN me. But you have to believe me!
Myself – Says who?
Me – Says I!
Myself – But you are not me.
Me – Yes, I am.
Myself – No, you aren't. I am a figment of your imagination, not you.
Me – A figment of MY imagination. MY = Me. You do and say what I make you say. Get it?
Myself – Nevermind, you won’t understand. You’re just thick.
Me – And you are smarter than me, huh?
Myself – Of course I am!
Me – No you aren’t. Your words are my thoughts, we’re at the same intellectual level.
Myself – Says who?
Me – Says I!
Mr. X – Are you crazy?
Me – Huh?
Myself – Never mind.
Just another day at the office for a loser. :)
Me = Me.
Myself = My conscience/alter ego/whatever. I talk to myself.
Mr. X = You are asking me.
Mr. X – So then, what you aiming for, Google OS?
Me – Yeah, pretty much.
Myself – Um, do you really believe you can clear the Google OS? Because I don’t.
Me – Um, are you telling me that you don’t believe in yourself?
Myself – When did I say that? I don’t believe in YOU.
Me – But you can’t believe in yourself and not believe in me!
Myself – Why can’t I? Huh?
Me – Dude, because you ARE me!
Myself – Says who?
Me – Says I!
Myself - But I don’t even believe in you!
Me – You don’t believe IN me. But you have to believe me!
Myself – Says who?
Me – Says I!
Myself – But you are not me.
Me – Yes, I am.
Myself – No, you aren't. I am a figment of your imagination, not you.
Me – A figment of MY imagination. MY = Me. You do and say what I make you say. Get it?
Myself – Nevermind, you won’t understand. You’re just thick.
Me – And you are smarter than me, huh?
Myself – Of course I am!
Me – No you aren’t. Your words are my thoughts, we’re at the same intellectual level.
Myself – Says who?
Me – Says I!
Mr. X – Are you crazy?
Me – Huh?
Myself – Never mind.
Just another day at the office for a loser. :)
Ten Things
August 22 2010
Well, I was reading a blog, and a post had been done by this person, about ten things she’s passionate about, and I thought that was really cool, so here goes my post:
Ten things I am passionate about
Okay let’s see;
1) Movies: Yes, Movies are my biggest passion right now. I like watching new movies everyday, but sadly my internet connection is slow and it takes me about 4 hours to download one. I currently have a “to download” list of about 60 movies. I am so passionate about movies, that I wanna be a sound engineer and work at least only one day with AR.Rahman.
2) Psychology: I like to understand how people’s minds work. I like to know why someone did something, and what inspired him to do so. I like to understand human nature, and keep reading graduation course books of psychology. And I’m not blowing my trumpets, but I’m really good.
3) Science: I like Biology and Physics, because I like to know the mysterious ways in which nature works. I have always liked human biology, because I wanna know how my body works and reacts. It’s kind of related to my psychology passion. Physics, is total bliss. Einstein is my idol and I love studying quantum mechanics and the string theory.
4) Day Dreaming: I day dream a lot, and I mean a lot. I spend more time day dreaming than I spend working. I dream about my life, and how I would like certain things in my life to be. I often react to things like…”I wouldn’t have done it like this, when I have kids, I’ll do it like that.”
5) Writing: Yes, I like writing, I despise that. But I squeeze out story ideas out of every situation or every tv show I watch, and I have a notepad file full of these ideas. I imagine real characters, so that I understand them. And until, I finish a novel, this blog is my let out.
6) Lost: My ever loving Anipra. I believe she got married and she's in Coimbatore but honestly I couldn't be for sure. Was one of the hardest "breakups" in my life. I think I have ever experienced. I still think of her...and wonder how she's doing.
7) Money: I never love money and the feeling that comes from having a lot of humans not money. I never want to be a multi billionaire, by hook or by crook. Hell, I hate this, ok ok! I’m kidding, but I do want to be rich to all of my family members and friends so that they can pay off their bills and mortgages.
8) Help: My purpose is to serve others, to love others. I can do that. I will not seek help from others, for I’m a man. I don’t need help. I need to help others. That’s what I’m here for. I’m not some ignorant brat who’s constantly happy and has a “life” and hangs out with others. I am meant for other works. Satisfaction is not to be felt, but rather to be known and understood.
9) Changing the world: Yes, I’ve always wanted to change the world. In fact, when I used to learn or hear about some important personality, I would immediately think, “When did he die? Maybe I’m his incarnation!”, And this has come with almost all personalities I’ve known about. I try to find similar traits between us and try to connect with him. But, even if I’m not an incarnation of a famous person, I’d like to make a difference in the human world and be famous now.
10) Life: Life's about learning the rules and playing it's complex strategy game. We learn strategies from others, or create our own. Carefully plotting our pieces - or taking wild risks. Each movement coming with consequences, points are lost - points are gained. Sometimes it's beginners luck, and sometimes we learn the hard way. Every round lost is another reason to keep playing. But to become a teacher of life is to learn as much from the pupil as they are learn from you. Even if we are to teach, we will always be the pupil.
Also, this isn’t my passion, but I’d like to remove the division of man into religious and skin color based groups. Every person is different and unique and his ideals and thoughts must not be trampled in the name of religion or that if they belong to the same color,” they must have a similar opinion” kind of thing, and also abolish reservation, cuz it just hurts unity.
Hey, tell me about your passions in the comments, if you’d like……
Ten things I am passionate about
Okay let’s see;
1) Movies: Yes, Movies are my biggest passion right now. I like watching new movies everyday, but sadly my internet connection is slow and it takes me about 4 hours to download one. I currently have a “to download” list of about 60 movies. I am so passionate about movies, that I wanna be a sound engineer and work at least only one day with AR.Rahman.
2) Psychology: I like to understand how people’s minds work. I like to know why someone did something, and what inspired him to do so. I like to understand human nature, and keep reading graduation course books of psychology. And I’m not blowing my trumpets, but I’m really good.
3) Science: I like Biology and Physics, because I like to know the mysterious ways in which nature works. I have always liked human biology, because I wanna know how my body works and reacts. It’s kind of related to my psychology passion. Physics, is total bliss. Einstein is my idol and I love studying quantum mechanics and the string theory.
4) Day Dreaming: I day dream a lot, and I mean a lot. I spend more time day dreaming than I spend working. I dream about my life, and how I would like certain things in my life to be. I often react to things like…”I wouldn’t have done it like this, when I have kids, I’ll do it like that.”
5) Writing: Yes, I like writing, I despise that. But I squeeze out story ideas out of every situation or every tv show I watch, and I have a notepad file full of these ideas. I imagine real characters, so that I understand them. And until, I finish a novel, this blog is my let out.
6) Lost: My ever loving Anipra. I believe she got married and she's in Coimbatore but honestly I couldn't be for sure. Was one of the hardest "breakups" in my life. I think I have ever experienced. I still think of her...and wonder how she's doing.
7) Money: I never love money and the feeling that comes from having a lot of humans not money. I never want to be a multi billionaire, by hook or by crook. Hell, I hate this, ok ok! I’m kidding, but I do want to be rich to all of my family members and friends so that they can pay off their bills and mortgages.
8) Help: My purpose is to serve others, to love others. I can do that. I will not seek help from others, for I’m a man. I don’t need help. I need to help others. That’s what I’m here for. I’m not some ignorant brat who’s constantly happy and has a “life” and hangs out with others. I am meant for other works. Satisfaction is not to be felt, but rather to be known and understood.
9) Changing the world: Yes, I’ve always wanted to change the world. In fact, when I used to learn or hear about some important personality, I would immediately think, “When did he die? Maybe I’m his incarnation!”, And this has come with almost all personalities I’ve known about. I try to find similar traits between us and try to connect with him. But, even if I’m not an incarnation of a famous person, I’d like to make a difference in the human world and be famous now.
Also, this isn’t my passion, but I’d like to remove the division of man into religious and skin color based groups. Every person is different and unique and his ideals and thoughts must not be trampled in the name of religion or that if they belong to the same color,” they must have a similar opinion” kind of thing, and also abolish reservation, cuz it just hurts unity.Hey, tell me about your passions in the comments, if you’d like……
“IF…”
August 20 2010
I found this beautiful poem called “IF…”. I won’t comment, just enjoy the poem………..
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!
–Rudyard Kipling
I found this beautiful poem called “IF…”. I won’t comment, just enjoy the poem………..
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!
–Rudyard Kipling
An unusual measurement method
August 18 2010
Harry White designed this measuring cup with units of measure like “tyrannosaurus rex brain,” “vol. of body cells that die on a good day,” and “enough plutonium to make a bomb.” He also has a cookbook with recipes that use these measurement units.
The person i miss the most...
August 17 2010
Dear A***** I miss you most,
From being best lover and best friends to not having talked for 2 years… I don’t know how we reached there.
It’s all my fault in a sense. I changed my place.. maybe I shouldn't have, who knows? and it was for a stupid reason too.. but well.. what can I say, I was just a 29 year old kid.
And we started to lose contact.. whatever the reason. I just wanna remember all the things we did. We walked into each other’s homes and we had a relationship like we were our own. We didn't know what the meaning of mine or yours was, everything was ours. You were always there for me and I always tried to do the same for you. Jealousy, anger, fights never came between us… we were really a family.
And now, when I bumped into you, I realized we weren't even at least friends anymore. We've changed.. and we notice the difference because we didn't change together. I know we’ll never be that close again.
Anyway, as they say, we’ll always have lots of explanations. This is just a dedication to our love, friendship and the fun we had..
P.S. A high five and special mention to you. We were the coolest.. you know it! I miss y'anipra.....
Dear A***** I miss you most,
From being best lover and best friends to not having talked for 2 years… I don’t know how we reached there.
It’s all my fault in a sense. I changed my place.. maybe I shouldn't have, who knows? and it was for a stupid reason too.. but well.. what can I say, I was just a 29 year old kid.
And we started to lose contact.. whatever the reason. I just wanna remember all the things we did. We walked into each other’s homes and we had a relationship like we were our own. We didn't know what the meaning of mine or yours was, everything was ours. You were always there for me and I always tried to do the same for you. Jealousy, anger, fights never came between us… we were really a family.
And now, when I bumped into you, I realized we weren't even at least friends anymore. We've changed.. and we notice the difference because we didn't change together. I know we’ll never be that close again.
Anyway, as they say, we’ll always have lots of explanations. This is just a dedication to our love, friendship and the fun we had..
P.S. A high five and special mention to you. We were the coolest.. you know it! I miss y'anipra.....
Prabhu Awards For Tamil Short Films
August 16 2010
Natanthathu Enanna by Nalan
Unmayai Solanumna by Nalan
Thrunbilum Iruper by Nalan
Mittai Veedu by Balaji
Kadhalil Sothapuvathu Epadi by Balaji
Click Me to watch Adi Tail 1
Click Me to watch Adi Tail 2
Click Me to watch Thabella Vsikum Kaluthai
Broken God by Karthik Subbaraj
Natanthathu Enanna by Nalan
Unmayai Solanumna by Nalan
Thrunbilum Iruper by Nalan
Mittai Veedu by Balaji
Kadhalil Sothapuvathu Epadi by Balaji
Click Me to watch Adi Tail 1
Click Me to watch Adi Tail 2
Click Me to watch Thabella Vsikum Kaluthai
Best Short Shot Award Goes To Broken God by Karthik Subbaraj
Best Story Award Goes To Mittai Veedu by Balaji
Best Comedy Movie Award Goes To Natanthathu Enanna by Nalan
Best Screen play Award Goes To Unmayai Solanumna by Nalan
Best Special Achievement Award Goes To Adi Tail by Balaji
Best Music Score Award Goes To Thaman for Mittai Veedu
Best Actor Award Goes To Cendrayan for Thabela vasikum Kaluthai
Best Visual Effects Award Goes To Vasanth for Thrumbilum Iruper
Best Cinematography Award Goes To Manikandan for Thrumbilum Iruper
Best Thriller Movie Award Goes TO Karthik Subbaraj for Ravanam
Best Director Award Goes TO NALAN for Natanthathu Ennana
Courtesy
Kalignar TV
Google Valet Store
Open Window Creations
Ninja
I probably won’t make it......
August 13 2010
Stop scaring me! I don’t wanna see how I could die in a multitude of creative ways.
Good, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let me talk to the dreams I choose to have. Like you, who I had in 28years and 29th, when I wanted to start an computer store and make it bigger than I dreamed. Now I realize how stupid I was and how difficult you really are.
Or you, over there..I don’t even know if I have the talent, and even if I do, it won’t be enough.. cuz, come on, you need more than talent to become a well known director..
Anyway, I gave up on you guys when I was face to face with real life in Tiruppur. I realized that making dreams come true requires so much dedication and hard work and sacrifice that I probably won’t make it.
Right now, I don’t even know what to dream about.. Frankly, I can’t see myself doing anything for my whole life.. life really is too hard.
But now, I only have you. A small dream you may be, but I hope that I’ll be able to walk down , even if not complete the path to honesty.
Oh, and this is for you
Stop scaring me! I don’t wanna see how I could die in a multitude of creative ways.
Or you, over there..I don’t even know if I have the talent, and even if I do, it won’t be enough.. cuz, come on, you need more than talent to become a well known director..
Anyway, I gave up on you guys when I was face to face with real life in Tiruppur. I realized that making dreams come true requires so much dedication and hard work and sacrifice that I probably won’t make it.
Right now, I don’t even know what to dream about.. Frankly, I can’t see myself doing anything for my whole life.. life really is too hard.
But now, I only have you. A small dream you may be, but I hope that I’ll be able to walk down , even if not complete the path to honesty.
Oh, and this is for you
I am
August 12 2010
i am: ugly.
i think: constantly, about too many things at a time.
i know: that I’ll succeed if I try hard.
i want: to talk to my crush once, to know what it was that attracted me to her.
i have: dual personalities.
i wish: I could be a movie director.
i hate: studying.
i miss: my friends from my city.
i fear: death and ghosts.
i feel: confused, about life.
i hear: numbness, the sound of loneliness.
i smell: some socks which are unwashed.
i crave: for love, real pure love.
i search: my soul, my heart, trying to unravel it’s secrets.
i wonder: if I’ll ever be at peace.
i regret: having opted for non medical.
i love: watching movies.
i ache: for all the people who are doing what they don’t want to do.
i care: for my family, friends and some other people.
i always: look for the deeper meaning.
i am not: religious at all. I believe in love.
i believe: that I’ll go crazy one day.
i dance: to the tunes of fate.
i sing: along with listening to songs. People tend to spread away, when I start listening to songs.
i am: ugly.
i think: constantly, about too many things at a time.
i know: that I’ll succeed if I try hard.
i want: to talk to my crush once, to know what it was that attracted me to her.
i have: dual personalities.
i wish: I could be a movie director.
i hate: studying.
i miss: my friends from my city.
i fear: death and ghosts.
i feel: confused, about life.
i hear: numbness, the sound of loneliness.
i smell: some socks which are unwashed.
i crave: for love, real pure love.
i search: my soul, my heart, trying to unravel it’s secrets.
i wonder: if I’ll ever be at peace.
i regret: having opted for non medical.
i love: watching movies.
i ache: for all the people who are doing what they don’t want to do.
i care: for my family, friends and some other people.
i always: look for the deeper meaning.
i am not: religious at all. I believe in love.
i believe: that I’ll go crazy one day.
i dance: to the tunes of fate.
i sing: along with listening to songs. People tend to spread away, when I start listening to songs.
To Future Wify
August 11 2010
Dear Future Wify,
I can’t guess how we ended up being married. There are a lot of impossibilities going around here.
First you’d have to be pretty. Then I’d have to have a nerve to actually talk to you. Then you’d have to have the nerve to actually like me.. cause I know it ain't easy. Then I'd have to be ready to actually get married, cause I really don’t believe in the idea. I mean live-in is awesome.. but marriage? maybe I do get to that point some day.
So, if we went past all those issues and still ended up together, wow! Great going us!
And maybe that is arranged marriage. I mean, desperation can lead a man doing some very idiotic things, can’t it? So yeah, if we are married, please please don’t play those emotional games and try to control me.. or I’ll just commit suicide and leave you nothing.. I get depressed very easily.
So, that’s all I gotta say for now.. Love ya [hopefully ]
Your Personal Hero…
Dear Future Wify,
I can’t guess how we ended up being married. There are a lot of impossibilities going around here.
First you’d have to be pretty. Then I’d have to have a nerve to actually talk to you. Then you’d have to have the nerve to actually like me.. cause I know it ain't easy. Then I'd have to be ready to actually get married, cause I really don’t believe in the idea. I mean live-in is awesome.. but marriage? maybe I do get to that point some day.
So, if we went past all those issues and still ended up together, wow! Great going us!
And maybe that is arranged marriage. I mean, desperation can lead a man doing some very idiotic things, can’t it? So yeah, if we are married, please please don’t play those emotional games and try to control me.. or I’ll just commit suicide and leave you nothing.. I get depressed very easily.
So, that’s all I gotta say for now.. Love ya [hopefully ]
Your Personal Hero…
Things I've done...
August 10 2010
Hy its really interesting.. the things I’ve done are crossed out and the ones that are yet to be done, are left as it as.. here it is:
Hy its really interesting.. the things I’ve done are crossed out and the ones that are yet to be done, are left as it as.. here it is:
Graduated high school.Kissed someone.- Smoked a cigarette.
Got so drunk you passed out.Rode every ride at an amusement park.Collected something stupid.Gone to a rock concert.Helped someone.- Gone fishing.
- Watched four movies in one night.
Lied to someone.- Snorted cocaine.
- Smoked weed.
Failed a subject.- Been in a car accident.
- Been in a tornado.
- Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.- Burned yourself.
- Run a marathon.
Cried yourself to sleep.Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day.Flown on an aeroplane.- Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.Written a 10 page letter.- Gone skiing.
- Been sailing.
- Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.Lost someone you loved.Got into trouble for something you didn’t do.- Stolen a book from the library.
Gone to a different country.- Watched the Harry Potter movies.
Had an online diary.- Fired a gun.
- Gambled in a casino.
Been in a school play.- Been fired from a job.
- Taken a lie detector test.
- Swam with dolphins.
- Voted for someone on a reality TV show.
Written poetry.- Read more than 20 books a year.
- Gone to Europe.
- Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
- Used a colouring book over age 12.
- Had a surgery.
Had stitches.Taken a Taxi.- Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once.
Been in a fist fight.- Suffered any form of abuse.
- Had a pet.
- Petted a wild animal.
- Had your own credit card & bought something with it.
Dyed your hair.- Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.Got straight A’s.- Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.Lost something expensive.Gone to sleep with music on.
The All About Me Meme 2wenty o1e
August 9 2010
My favorite age -- 15. It felt very attractive, very teeny.
My best friend(s) -- People who comments regularly in this blog Sruthi, Pooja, Adarsh and Arthi.
My celebrity crush -- Male -- Rajini Kanth, Female -- Aishwarya Rai
My defining characteristic -- I'm very verbal
My most evil moment -- 13 days in prison.
My favorite food -- Gee roast, Pongal, Rice with chicken, and Pizza with liquid cheezzzz
My grossest injury -- Bike accident when I was 13 C'mon, who really wants to hear about 'em?
My biggest hatred -- Adults who CHOOSE to be uninformed voters. The government is everyone's responsibility.
My most illegal activity -- I'm really very dull in this area. I can't think of a one.
My need for justice -- To the victims of Genocide.
My most knowledgeable field -- Computer, Medicine and maybe movie trivia.
My life’s goal --Make Google Valet Store no1 in computer accessories.
My mother’s influence -- To be Love and Honest.
My nerdiest point -- I love the database/demographic aspect of advertising. Really.
My oldest memory -- Trying to jump from the school compound wall when I was in ukg. It's only a split second I can recall, but it's very clear.
My perfect date -- A beach walk and dinner.
My unanswered question -- Why this happen to me?
My random fact -- I am the only one who behaves oddly in my whole family I mean when I was in join family (12 people in my home).
My stupidest decision -- To beleive Anipra as long as I did.
My favorite television show -- Coffee with Anu.
My style of underwear -- Jockey - I accept no substitutes.
My favorite vegetable -- Broccoli and potato.
My weakest trait -- My temper can make me impulsive.
My X-men power -- I'm depressingly normal
My strongest yearning -- Love and speech.
My relaxing moment -- Music ( I am proud to be Rahmaniac)
100 things I'm grateful for...
- My mom and samuperima taking me to chennai when I was little. It shaped my faith by seeing my brothers.
- My Sharmila. She has integrity, is loving, patient and is a kind soul.
- Legs that work. Because I love to run.
- My graduations B.Sc (CS) and MS(IT)where ever I can have a secure job or business.
- Health.
- My healthy teeth.
- Running water. Bathing and brushing my teeth are good things.
- My dads sobriety. I'm so proud of him.
- Being able to stay home with my family.
- Being recovered from disordered eating and sleeping.
- Not knowing my purpose on this earth. I am waiting eagerly to know.
- My Krithi. I knew she was cute and lovable.
- My friends sruthi, pooja, adarsh and arthi.
- My old friend cheating on me. It made me find my self esteem.
- Mr.Google.
- My relationship with drugs. I learned to say goodbye to oleanz+.
- Living in Pollachi, the most beautiful town in the world. (In my humble opinion).
- My first Love.
- Having reliable transportation.
- Coffee with anu my favorite TV show.
- Music. I am so moved by music.
- Day dreaming. It's so worth it.
- Singing when I am alone with my music box.
- Having the guts to stand up for what I believe in.
- Being literate. Thank you mom, dad and teachers for teaching me to read.
- Razors. Because keeping always three days growth of beard.
- Brownies, chocolate chip cookies and cake.
- Being able to spend time with children's.
- The clothes in my basket. Sometimes I think I have nothing to wear. I have plenty.
- My knowledge in computers. It made me realize I wasn't meant to work in the industry.
- My business. I learned so many things and it shaped me today.
- My sisters.
- The Internet.
- My dad teaching me the importance of a family men.
- Che Guevara my favorite leader.
- My Schools & Colleges.
- My right to free speech.
- My mom teaching me how to be honest.
- Soldiers who fight for nations.
- Shoes. Like the clothes, I have plenty.
- The window in my room.
- Our home. Sometimes I wish I had more counter space, but we have enough.
- Volunteering for helping others.
- Online support groups.
- Hand-me-downs for orphanage kids.
- My Samsung Corby.
- Recycling.
- Facebook. I've reunited with so many important people that I'd lost touch with. And met new ones.
- The beach.
- My sense of humor.
- My blog. I am so, so grateful to be able to write when I am depressed.
- My physical health.
- My mental health and stability.
- Living in a hygienic environment. Sounds strange, but a lot of people don't have this.
- Modern medicine.
- Anipra in my life.
- Entertainment options. I should never be bored.
- Coffee.
- Believing in the importance of personal growth and development.
- The people who will be my clients this year. I don't know who they are yet :)
- People that read and comment on my blog. It helps to keep me motivated to keep writing.
- My Google Valet Store employees.
- All the jobs I have had. I've learned so much.
- My values and core beliefs. Knowing them means I can honor them.
- Being able to be stay calm.
- Getting to snuggle with dreams in bed in the morning, watching Sakthi Gardens(my apt).
- Having multiple vision.
- Having a fridge and cupboards full of food.
- My Bike.
- This economy. It's made me realize how much we have.
- Connecting with incredible people. Human contact.
- My room cause I lives in it.
- Not having to take medication anymore for anxiety disorder.
- My therapist.
- Rajini Kanth he is my role model.
- My six chiti's.
- The fact that I chose my own happiness.
- Eating dinner as a family.
- Service to others. Giving back.
- A comfortable, warm bed.
- Clean air.
- Being brave enough to stand up against "the bad guys".
- Having a choice.
- My education. Eternally grateful for that.
- Student loans. They suck sometimes, but without them, they couldn't have gone to college.
- Writer Sujatha my favorite author.
- Bubble baths.
- My self esteem.
- Rajini Kanth movies and songs.
- Admitting I'm can be perfect and doing the best I can.
- Learning to be myself with ease.
- Laughter.
- My family's good health.
- Access to fresh fruits and vegetables.
- The ability to learn.
- The right to vote.
- Forgiveness.
- Alone
- The fact that I was born in this amazing free country.
- My life.
Go Big or Go Home?
August 7 2010
I saw this bumper sticker in a car and it conjured up many bad memories. I used to live my life by this mantra. No, I mean LIVE MY LIFE. If it wasn't going to be done 150,000,000 percent, then don't do it at all. Isn't that what it means to "Go Big or Go Home"? If you read my blog you know I sometimes write about a nasty thing called Perfectionism. I've struggled with this for years. It's ugly, I hate it, but I've actually come a long way. Perfectionism is black and white. In someone's life who deals with this, everything is or isn't. There's no "in-between". No gray area.
When someone concentrates so hard on looking good, at being the absolute best at any cost, are they really living their life authentically? Are they even living their own life? I didn't even know what "living authentically" meant until I became somewhat comfortable living in the grey. Years of "go big or go home" had worn on me, and I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted to become. Was it easy to let it all go? Shit, NO! It's still not sometimes. I still have moments of "Oh no, I'm going to look like a complete F***ing idiot if I do this or say that". It's slowly becoming easier to be okay with the fact that some people might think I'm an F***ing idiot. And on a good day I might even take that as a compliment.
I truly believe that living a life this way, can be crippling. I avoided something because in mind if I couldn't do it perfectly, it wasn't worth doing.
I saw this bumper sticker in a car and it conjured up many bad memories. I used to live my life by this mantra. No, I mean LIVE MY LIFE. If it wasn't going to be done 150,000,000 percent, then don't do it at all. Isn't that what it means to "Go Big or Go Home"? If you read my blog you know I sometimes write about a nasty thing called Perfectionism. I've struggled with this for years. It's ugly, I hate it, but I've actually come a long way. Perfectionism is black and white. In someone's life who deals with this, everything is or isn't. There's no "in-between". No gray area.
When someone concentrates so hard on looking good, at being the absolute best at any cost, are they really living their life authentically? Are they even living their own life? I didn't even know what "living authentically" meant until I became somewhat comfortable living in the grey. Years of "go big or go home" had worn on me, and I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted to become. Was it easy to let it all go? Shit, NO! It's still not sometimes. I still have moments of "Oh no, I'm going to look like a complete F***ing idiot if I do this or say that". It's slowly becoming easier to be okay with the fact that some people might think I'm an F***ing idiot. And on a good day I might even take that as a compliment.
I truly believe that living a life this way, can be crippling. I avoided something because in mind if I couldn't do it perfectly, it wasn't worth doing.
Just things
August 6 2010
I ll give you my own "Things":
Things I don’t know yet (except, of course, when I do)
If I will have a close relationship how ll carry till my end.
If we'll stay in Tamil Nadu, or move out of state or country.
If I'll go back to Pollachi what should I do first.
What the topic of my first book will be.
If I ll meet Anipra again what ll be my first word.
Things I'm learning
Patience.
How to slow down.
How to let go.
How to be an awesome human.
How lucky I am to have such a great family & friends.
Things I'm wishing for
Eternal happiness for my family
More time to myself
Big hair to be back in style
A white ambassador car
All women to love their first love till end, unconditionally.( Wow, wouldn't that be awesome?)
Things that are getting on my nerves
My dad's phase of getting up before the sun. Coming in my room at 4:30 am to scold me for not sleeping yet.
My past wounds in my life always making me annoyed and depressed.
In my life The sun is still sleeping!.
Things that scare me
Acrophobia (seriously).
Car accidents.
Debt.
Things that are making me happy
Music (mostly I am Rahmaniac)
My past relationships. As unpleasant as some of it was, I'm so happy it all happened.
Getting to know myself.
Exercising for health.
My SARAVANAN Anna. I never knew how happy I could be having simplicity.
New friends. And watching my old friends grow up.
Seeing children's.
Getting to know myself.
My Brother's & Krithi's fierce attachment to me.
I ll give you my own "Things":
Things I don’t know yet (except, of course, when I do)
If I will have a close relationship how ll carry till my end.
If we'll stay in Tamil Nadu, or move out of state or country.
If I'll go back to Pollachi what should I do first.
What the topic of my first book will be.
If I ll meet Anipra again what ll be my first word.
Things I'm learning
Patience.
How to slow down.
How to let go.
How to be an awesome human.
How lucky I am to have such a great family & friends.
Things I'm wishing for
Eternal happiness for my family
More time to myself
Big hair to be back in style
A white ambassador car
All women to love their first love till end, unconditionally.( Wow, wouldn't that be awesome?)
Things that are getting on my nerves
My dad's phase of getting up before the sun. Coming in my room at 4:30 am to scold me for not sleeping yet.
My past wounds in my life always making me annoyed and depressed.
In my life The sun is still sleeping!.
Things that scare me
Acrophobia (seriously).
Car accidents.
Debt.
Things that are making me happy
Music (mostly I am Rahmaniac)
My past relationships. As unpleasant as some of it was, I'm so happy it all happened.
Getting to know myself.
Exercising for health.
My SARAVANAN Anna. I never knew how happy I could be having simplicity.
New friends. And watching my old friends grow up.
Seeing children's.
Getting to know myself.
My Brother's & Krithi's fierce attachment to me.
Why bother?
August 5 2010
I’m so struck by how people just abandon relationships-even close ones. It seems some people are just disposable. I've been hurt by this over and over and I've really just given up. Even intact relationships grow stale and empty so that none of it is worthwhile. I no longer want to answer any questions about how I am and what I've been doing. Why bother? I don’t believe anyone really cares so let’s stop with the niceties.
I’m so struck by how people just abandon relationships-even close ones. It seems some people are just disposable. I've been hurt by this over and over and I've really just given up. Even intact relationships grow stale and empty so that none of it is worthwhile. I no longer want to answer any questions about how I am and what I've been doing. Why bother? I don’t believe anyone really cares so let’s stop with the niceties.
Unusual in ME
August 4 2010
Very hard to wake up today. OLEANZ+ is not particularly known for causing a lot of sedation but it’s getting bad with me. It’s not just that it’s difficult to get out of bed because of depression it self, it’s that I can’t really wake up. Been sleeping from 10 to 12 hours a day despite alarms and people in the house waking me. The meds are also giving me loss of appetite… it makes me gag, the food. And this is very unusual in me.
These effects started after I increased the dose from 5 to 10 mg, so I can still wait until my body becomes accustomed to the new dose. My main problem with OLEANZ+ is not even the side effects, but the fact that the antidepressant effects have been… very mild, probably even absent.
I 've been through a lot of meds since last 2 years. Every time they fail I go into the usual crisis of deep hopelessness.
So I’m afraid.
These effects started after I increased the dose from 5 to 10 mg, so I can still wait until my body becomes accustomed to the new dose. My main problem with OLEANZ+ is not even the side effects, but the fact that the antidepressant effects have been… very mild, probably even absent.
I 've been through a lot of meds since last 2 years. Every time they fail I go into the usual crisis of deep hopelessness.
So I’m afraid.
I am a nightingale bird
August 3 2010
I was lying down on bed, trying to sleep, because when you fail at modifying the speed of rotation of the earth, the position of the sun, or your own location by means of teleporting, the only thing is to fight sleep early in night in your own home town is to keep trying.
It’s just better for my head when I’m awake during the night and asleep during the day. I’m actually a Night person. I just haven’t been acting like one lately. I’m not insomniac, It happened because I was insomniac for a while though. But thankfully that’s not the case, no, I actually sleep over 6 hours a day. Day being the keyword.
As I looked at the ceiling the fluorescent glowing stickers in my bedroom, and the ideas kept buzzing like annoying mosquito's when I’m supposed to be sleeping, my brain kept going from flat line to finding the question to the answer to life the universe and everything. I had such a thought , that it justified me getting out of bed and turning on the computer to type it out in my blog, only I had forgotten it by then. Oops.
It was something about empathy, the universe, the people in my life, you know, along those lines.
But I think I should work on a brain printer first.
And, oh yeah, getting my sleep back on track. cause its 5AM....Good Morning oh oh! Good Night!
I was lying down on bed, trying to sleep, because when you fail at modifying the speed of rotation of the earth, the position of the sun, or your own location by means of teleporting, the only thing is to fight sleep early in night in your own home town is to keep trying.
It’s just better for my head when I’m awake during the night and asleep during the day. I’m actually a Night person. I just haven’t been acting like one lately. I’m not insomniac, It happened because I was insomniac for a while though. But thankfully that’s not the case, no, I actually sleep over 6 hours a day. Day being the keyword.
As I looked at the ceiling the fluorescent glowing stickers in my bedroom, and the ideas kept buzzing like annoying mosquito's when I’m supposed to be sleeping, my brain kept going from flat line to finding the question to the answer to life the universe and everything. I had such a thought , that it justified me getting out of bed and turning on the computer to type it out in my blog, only I had forgotten it by then. Oops.
It was something about empathy, the universe, the people in my life, you know, along those lines.
But I think I should work on a brain printer first.
And, oh yeah, getting my sleep back on track. cause its 5AM....Good Morning oh oh! Good Night!
Enthiran Audio Launch Videos - Live From Malaysia
July 31 2010
Yeah, we understand that everyone around the world is eagerly awaiting to watch the Enthiran Audio launch live. Unfortunately Sun TV has disappointed many by deciding not to telecast the event live. Yours truly. www.prabhupepsi.blogspot.com is bringing you the exclusive live videos from the event venue. I Shot in my cell phone camera with maximum zoom. Sorry for the Picture Quality Anyway Enjoy!!!
Making Of Enthiran Video Shown In Audio Launch
Aishwarya Rai On Stage
Rajini Sir on Stage 1
Rajini Sir On Stage 2
We are the first releasing audio launch videos in internet keep watching us for more updates...
Video by Prabhu
All Rights Reserved to
www.prabhupepsi.blogspot.com
Rajini Sir on Stage 1
Rajini Sir On Stage 2
We are the first releasing audio launch videos in internet keep watching us for more updates...
Video by Prabhu
All Rights Reserved to
www.prabhupepsi.blogspot.com
Enthiran Audio Launch - Live Commentary From Malaysia
July 31 2010
Prabhupepsi.blogspot.com is bringing you the exclusive live update from the event venue. Keep refreshing the page.
19.30: Welcome to Live coverage of the much expected Enthiran Audio Launch, Exclusive on Prabhupepsi
19.40: Now showing: Enthiran exclusive pics
19.47: Comedian Santhanam on stage
19.50: Karunaas on stage now
19.57: Siva Sakthi Pandian on Stage
19.58: Dancers are on stage for the
20.01: Now showing: Kadhal Anukkal Song Trailer
21.42: ”எம்ஜிஆருக்கு எப்படி வாலியோ அப்படி எனக்கு வைரமுத்து” – Rajini
21.51: Saxena: All the Audio CDs were sold in 2 hrs time after the release. ( However he didnt share any number on this )
21.53: Saxena: Enthiran will be released on September
21.54: Saxena: Enthiran is a Pinnacle of Tamilcinema
Prabhupepsi.blogspot.com is bringing you the exclusive live update from the event venue. Keep refreshing the page.
19.35: Kalanithi Maran is delivering his welcom speech now
19.40: Now showing: Enthiran exclusive pics
19.40: Now showing: Enthiran Trailer. Thalaivar Rocking and Excellent Music
19.47: Comedian Santhanam on stage
19.50: Karunaas on stage now
19.54:Vijay’s Dad SA Chandrasekar is talking now
19.57: Siva Sakthi Pandian on Stage
19.58: Dancers are on stage for the
20.01: Now showing: Kadhal Anukkal Song Trailer
20.02: Vivek on his introduction abt AR Rahman recycled his age old joke, Jai Crow song .. Aaya Aaya Aaya .. Jai Crow
20.03: AR Rahman on Stage. Rahman feels that for a long, he has been thinking of the International acceptance for our Tamil language and now thanks to Shankar, Rajinikanth, Sun pictures, Vairamuthu, Madhan Karky, he is sure that it will happen soon. Rahman also mentions abt her daughter Katheeja, who voiced for the Intro song “Puthiya Manitha”. She sang the song in all three languages – Tamil, Hindi & Telugu.
20.09: Dancers performing for Kaadhal Anukkal song
20.16: Now showing: Another trailer of Enthiran
20.18: Compering is quite pathetic .. However now Vivek is reharshing the Kannaukku Mai Alagu song …
நயந்தாராவுக்கு face அழகு;
நாசருக்கு Nose அழகு;
நமிதாவுக்கு Weight அழகு;
ஷகிலாவுக்கு height அழகு
20.21: Vairamuthu on stage now
20.22: Vivek questions Vairamuthu abt his experience in writing lyrics for scientific songs
20.22: Making of Enthiran: Enthiran is not only an entertainment Masala ; its an experience – Superstar
20.23: வைரமுத்து: எந்திரன் மிகப்பெரிய வெற்றி பெறும் என்ற நம்பிக்கை எனக்கிருக்கிறது. ஏனென்றால் சிவாஜியில் சூப்பர் ஸ்டார் ஒரு வசனம் சொல்லுவார் “சிங்கம் சிங்கிளாகத்தான் வரும்”. இந்தமுறை பல சிங்கங்களை திரட்டி வந்திருக்கிறார். ரஜினி, ஷங்கர், ரகுமான், கலாநிதி மாறன், ஐஸ்வர்யா என பல சிங்கங்களை அழைத்து வந்து ஜங்கிளாக வந்திருக்கிறார்.
20.25: வைரமுத்து: எந்திரனை ஐங்கரன் கைவிட்டாலும் கலாநிதி மாறனின் ஆயிரம் கரங்கள் கைப்பற்றியது.
20.27: வைரமுத்து: நான் முதன் முதலில் பாடல் எழுதியது ”பொன் மாலைப்பொழுது” என்றாலும், என் பாடலை முதன்முதலில் திரையில் உச்சரித்தது சூப்பர்ஸ்டார் ரஜினிதான் (காளியில்) .. என் பாடல் வரிகளுக்கு முதன் முதலில் திரையில் பாடியது ரஜினிதான். இப்போது என் மகன் மதன் கார்க்கியின் பாடலுக்கும் வாயசைக்கிறார். எங்கள் குடும்பத்தின் சார்பாக நன்றி
20.30: Now showing: Making of Enthiran
20.38: Now dancers on stage for Arima Arima song
20.41: Men in Robots (Costume) dancing for Arima Arima song
20.42: For those curious of seating posn , Aish sits next to Super star and so Kalanidhi Maran.
20.44: Next on stage – Director Shankar
20.45: Vivek on Shankar – கிராபிக்ஸ் கிராதகா, அதிரடி அனகோண்டாவே , அழிச்சாட்டிய Octopusயே, Creative காண்டாமிருகமே, எந்திரனின் தந்திரனே .. மேடைக்கு வருக
20.47: Shankar: The only film that gone for 100 days in Malaysia is Jeans. In addition to the team in Jeans – Rahman, Vairamuthu, Aishwarya, Now Superstar joins with us for Enthiran. I’m sure Enthiran will run for 200 days in M’sia
20.50: Shankar: Every one in the Endhiran team is capable of winning Oscar awards including Anthony, Sabu Shril in addition to Rahman & Resul Pookutty
20.51: Rahman has composed an excellent Tribal song ” Kilimanjaro” for this scientific film
20.52: செம ரெஸ்பான்ஸ் when Shankar pronounced “Yogi B” name
20.54: Shankar: Everyone will accept tht Rahman deserves well for Oscar by composing “Puthiya Manitha” song
20.55: Shankar: Vairamuthu did an extensive research with the help of web abt Lion, when it requires for the song
20.59: Shankar: Aishwarya Rai can be called as “Lady Rajini”
21.02: Shankar salutes Rajini’s Hardwork
21.03: Shankar: Kamal and Vikram are well known for their hardwork for different getups. For the first Rajini sir puts equal or more effort than them
21.04: Shankar says the second person responsible for this dream project to be a reality is Kalanithi Maran
21.07: Next on stage: Aishwarya Rai
21.09: Aish: Enthiran will be a landmark film in Indian cinema
21.11: Aish: For Shankar “Nothing is Impossible”. Jeans is a landmark of my carrier
21.12: Aishwarya appreciates Vairamuthu’s lyrics
21.15: Aish: Rajini sir is an epitamy of Patience and times it is tough for a co-star to stop watching him
21.17: Now peforming: Irumbil pootha Idhyam song
21.23: Shankar during his talk remembers abt Writer Sujatha, who is the backbone of such a wonderful script possible in Tamil
21.26: Next on stage – Superstar Rajnikanth
21.27: A to the B to the C .. இவர் உடம்பில் ஓடுது Electricity .. E to the F to the D .. ஸ்டைலுக்கு இவர்தான் University – விவேக் abt Rajni
21.29: Superstar Rajni on stage now … Sivaji the Boss – Enthiran the Mass ..
21.30: Rajini starts by “எல்லாப்புகழும் இறைவினுக்கே”
21.31: Rajini thanked the four pillars of Enthiran “Kalanithi Maran, Shankar, Aishwarya Rai & Ar Rahman”
21.32: Rajini also thanked Simbu, Jeyam Ravi, Ramya Krishnan, Vadivelu for their presence
21.33: Rajini says Enthiran will be remembered as the “First Indian Scientific Picture on the Hollywood Quality”
21.36: Rajini: “Shankar is a wild horse”
21.37: Rajini: Usually i add few elements in all my films; but for the first time i never did anything new and i did what was instructed by the director
21.38: Rajini: ஐஸ்வர்யா ராய் மாதிரி ஒரு உலக அழகியை நம்ம ஜெனரஷனலையே பார்க்க முடியாது
21.40: Rajini wishes Kalanidhi Maran to become the biggest industrialist in India in future
21.42: ”எம்ஜிஆருக்கு எப்படி வாலியோ அப்படி எனக்கு வைரமுத்து” – Rajini
21.44: Enthiran மாதிரி ஒரு டீம் இருந்தா 234 தொகுதியும் okதான் -Rajini
21.44: Superstar in his usual style shares a short story
21.45: As usual in any event, SuperStar’s speech is the highlight of the event
21.48: Now Performing: Enthiran Theme
21.49: Now நன்றியுரை From Saxena (Sun Pictures)
21.51: Saxena: All the Audio CDs were sold in 2 hrs time after the release. ( However he didnt share any number on this )
21.53: Saxena: Enthiran will be released on September
21.54: Saxena: Enthiran is a Pinnacle of Tamilcinema
Enthiran fever starts.....
July 30 2010
The count down starts right now 86400.. 86399.. 86398.. Only 24 hrs is there to watch Enthiran Audio release. Rajini's Enthiran is likely to hit the screens in the first week of September. We got the invitation for the audio release which will be held in 7.30pm Plenary Hall, Putrajaya International Convention Center, Putrajaya, Malaysia on tomorrow. So we are ready to catch our flight now to reach Enthiran and additional good news is, Astro providing this exclusive content in HD (Chan 222) as well. This HD channel will be available from 31st July at 6am onwards until 8th August midnight 12am.
The count down starts right now 86400.. 86399.. 86398.. Only 24 hrs is there to watch Enthiran Audio release. Rajini's Enthiran is likely to hit the screens in the first week of September. We got the invitation for the audio release which will be held in 7.30pm Plenary Hall, Putrajaya International Convention Center, Putrajaya, Malaysia on tomorrow. So we are ready to catch our flight now to reach Enthiran and additional good news is, Astro providing this exclusive content in HD (Chan 222) as well. This HD channel will be available from 31st July at 6am onwards until 8th August midnight 12am.
None the F****ing wiser
July 29 2010
So, I think you have all the answers?
Think you know it all
When someone tries to talk,
You have to disagree
Always fighting.
Have you stopped to listen?
There’s a person speaking,
But all you hear is you.
You push potential friends away
You make the world uncomfortable
If only you could see
That you’re not always right
When your buried in the ground
There, upon your gravestone
Engraved below your name
The written words will read..
…….“None the F****ing wiser”
So, I think you have all the answers?
Think you know it all
When someone tries to talk,
You have to disagree
Always fighting.
Have you stopped to listen?
There’s a person speaking,
But all you hear is you.
You push potential friends away
You make the world uncomfortable
If only you could see
That you’re not always right
When your buried in the ground
There, upon your gravestone
Engraved below your name
The written words will read..
…….“None the F****ing wiser”
I write when I am upset and alone...
July 28 2010
Sometimes I miss my writing. I wonder if I’ll remember anything at all… about what’s going on in my mind lately. My memory is not very reliable. There are many blanks in my past and the only thing that fills them is what I've written at the time. Still, what I write is not completely reliable. Memories change with moods. Memories change with aditional information. Memories change too much. In my obsessive search not to forget, I’ve collected everything from photos to blogs, pieces of paper, chocolate wrappers, gifts, sounds, and the list keeps going. I don’t know what to do with so much ,or how to organize it, or if it’s worth it, or if it helps, or if I’ll even look at it again. But I don’t want to forget anything, and I don’t want to lose perspective of anything at all. And it drives me mad. My brain is not good enough for my high aspirations. Nobody’s brain is.
I’m reading this or that book, playing this or that game), but somehow this says more, and will say more to my future self who reads it about what I want to know.
Life is too short anyway. Will my future self be in any condition to read this and try to add it to the never ending game? I don’t mean to get philosophical.
Sometimes I miss my writing. I wonder if I’ll remember anything at all… about what’s going on in my mind lately. My memory is not very reliable. There are many blanks in my past and the only thing that fills them is what I've written at the time. Still, what I write is not completely reliable. Memories change with moods. Memories change with aditional information. Memories change too much. In my obsessive search not to forget, I’ve collected everything from photos to blogs, pieces of paper, chocolate wrappers, gifts, sounds, and the list keeps going. I don’t know what to do with so much ,or how to organize it, or if it’s worth it, or if it helps, or if I’ll even look at it again. But I don’t want to forget anything, and I don’t want to lose perspective of anything at all. And it drives me mad. My brain is not good enough for my high aspirations. Nobody’s brain is.
I’m reading this or that book, playing this or that game), but somehow this says more, and will say more to my future self who reads it about what I want to know.
Life is too short anyway. Will my future self be in any condition to read this and try to add it to the never ending game? I don’t mean to get philosophical.
OLEANZ + side effects?
July 27 2010
I've been prescribed OLEANZ + to augment the effect of my antidepressant. I know a bit about textbook side effects, but I was wondering if anyone reading has ever tried this drug and what kind of side effects you got from it.
Thanks.
I've been prescribed OLEANZ + to augment the effect of my antidepressant. I know a bit about textbook side effects, but I was wondering if anyone reading has ever tried this drug and what kind of side effects you got from it.
Thanks.
Destroying myself
July 26 2010
It’s been so hard to write. I feel bad coming here to write only to complain and cry… but I probably shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't, because I try to be strong the whole f***ing time, all while thinking I’m not supposed to complain, that I’m supposed to take all the air and survive. Well, let this be that tiny corner of the world where I don’t HAVE TO.
I feel like I constantly need to justify myself, not to anyone but to my own mind. Reminding myself that I’m lucky, that I have things going on for me, that my family is taking care of me and who understands me completely, fights along with me, gives me a reason to be alive everyday and I have the most awesome brother(my SARAVANAN anna) in the universe. My physical health is fine by all parameters, even though I feel horrible due to the meds withdrawal. I mean I don’t have any “serious” physical medical condition and I fear it terribly. So I keep saying in my head, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, and being fine means that I definitely have no right to feel this horrible.
But I do. Most of the time I’m only surviving. Trying to do my best while thinking that in reality, I’m just being spoiled and lazy and I only need to be comfort and then I’d learn the hard way to become a normal human being. But when I’m saner and can think more objectively, I realize that taking away my only support would only kill me faster, and maybe unconsciously I just want it all to be over by destroying myself.
It’s been so hard to write. I feel bad coming here to write only to complain and cry… but I probably shouldn't feel that way. I shouldn't, because I try to be strong the whole f***ing time, all while thinking I’m not supposed to complain, that I’m supposed to take all the air and survive. Well, let this be that tiny corner of the world where I don’t HAVE TO.
I feel like I constantly need to justify myself, not to anyone but to my own mind. Reminding myself that I’m lucky, that I have things going on for me, that my family is taking care of me and who understands me completely, fights along with me, gives me a reason to be alive everyday and I have the most awesome brother(my SARAVANAN anna) in the universe. My physical health is fine by all parameters, even though I feel horrible due to the meds withdrawal. I mean I don’t have any “serious” physical medical condition and I fear it terribly. So I keep saying in my head, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, and being fine means that I definitely have no right to feel this horrible.
But I do. Most of the time I’m only surviving. Trying to do my best while thinking that in reality, I’m just being spoiled and lazy and I only need to be comfort and then I’d learn the hard way to become a normal human being. But when I’m saner and can think more objectively, I realize that taking away my only support would only kill me faster, and maybe unconsciously I just want it all to be over by destroying myself.
Non issues
July 25 2010
When I’m at my worst – which is almost every moment of every day in the past few weeks, especially the last one, my head fills with pain and unsolvable problems of all kinds that knock me around in every direction. However when I have a couple of euthymic minutes or hours, I realize all the stuff that tortured me were mostly non-issues. Is it even worth it then, to go through these problems, to talk about them, to discuss them internally? Probably not.
Sometimes, I leave myself little notes when I’m healthier, that it will pass, that it’s the illness, not me, that I’m not stupid, that I’m loved, etc, but there seems to be a major problem of communication.
When I’m at my worst – which is almost every moment of every day in the past few weeks, especially the last one, my head fills with pain and unsolvable problems of all kinds that knock me around in every direction. However when I have a couple of euthymic minutes or hours, I realize all the stuff that tortured me were mostly non-issues. Is it even worth it then, to go through these problems, to talk about them, to discuss them internally? Probably not.
Better Alone
July 24 2010
(I write this poetry when I was alone in Elliot's Beach, Chennai)
A Pollachi butterfly
That’s how,
You remember me.
It was all a lie
And the people,
In my surroundings
Used to laugh,
At my jokes
But now they only laugh at me…..
When I don’t feel right
Hello! when I need to talk
Don’t, call me
On the telephone
Cause I’ll call you
When I want
Used to chat
For hours
When I still could
Forget that
Every time I speak
These days
Its hard to hear
Because it’s muted
From the voice that’s in my mouth
I want to be alone
Just want to be alone
Because it’s easier
So easy…..to be…….me
(I write this poetry when I was alone in Elliot's Beach, Chennai)
A Pollachi butterfly
That’s how,
You remember me.
It was all a lie
And the people,
In my surroundings
Used to laugh,
At my jokes
But now they only laugh at me…..
When I don’t feel right
Hello! when I need to talk
Don’t, call me
On the telephone
Cause I’ll call you
When I want
Used to chat
For hours
When I still could
Forget that
Every time I speak
These days
Its hard to hear
Because it’s muted
From the voice that’s in my mouth
I want to be alone
Just want to be alone
Because it’s easier
So easy…..to be…….me
Things to do
July 23 2010
Buy another shoe
Enthiran CDs
A night pants
Repair my bike
Petrol
Alcohol
Hair cut?
Nah, hair gel
Drive
Rock
Roll
Drive
I should start my new project
Buy another shoe
Enthiran CDs
A night pants
Repair my bike
Petrol
Alcohol
Hair cut?
Nah, hair gel
Drive
Rock
Roll
Drive
Wake up and not feel tired
And last but not least for the above all things
I should start my new project
note to self: don’t die (ryan adams)
July 22 2010
I’m as blue
I’m as blue as the ocean is true, it’s just reflections of the sky
I’m as cold
I’m as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Note to self: don’t die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Don’t change, just lie
I’m as sick
I’m as crass as the things in your past, you wished that you could let them go
Caged birds
Caged animals starving for class
In your house when you’re alone
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Note to self: don’t die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Don’t change, just lie
Who do you call when you’re alone
Nobody, baby
Who do you want to be, figure out and just let me know
Don’t change, don’t change, don’t change
Just let me go
Just let me go
Just let me go
(album rock n roll
I’m as blue
I’m as blue as the ocean is true, it’s just reflections of the sky
I’m as cold
I’m as cold as the stories you told but never sick enough to die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Note to self: don’t die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Don’t change, just lie
I’m as sick
I’m as crass as the things in your past, you wished that you could let them go
Caged birds
Caged animals starving for class
In your house when you’re alone
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Note to self: don’t die
Note to self: don’t change for anyone
Don’t change, just lie
Who do you call when you’re alone
Nobody, baby
Who do you want to be, figure out and just let me know
Don’t change, don’t change, don’t change
Just let me go
Just let me go
Just let me go
(album rock n roll
What happened to you ? (A*****)
July 20 2010
I don’t believe that anyone was born with distrust, anger, paranoia or even fear. We were not born with anxiety, bad attitudes or prejudice. We’ve all acquired these things along the way. They are born of pain we have suffered. Pain that we have not sufficiently come to terms with. Pain that we still feel. Pain that we are so desperate to alleviate that we can lash out at any time.
Yikes! Sounds rather dark and scary doesn’t it?
To some extent I think it’s actually true for everyone. While there are varying degrees of pain and suffering that we hold onto, still (and only you know this) there are things we struggle to let go and struggle to forget.
Writing them out can help. Empathy and understanding from others helps. Keeping them locked in has not helped anyone.
So let go of it and tell me.
What has happened to you?
I don’t believe that anyone was born with distrust, anger, paranoia or even fear. We were not born with anxiety, bad attitudes or prejudice. We’ve all acquired these things along the way. They are born of pain we have suffered. Pain that we have not sufficiently come to terms with. Pain that we still feel. Pain that we are so desperate to alleviate that we can lash out at any time.
Yikes! Sounds rather dark and scary doesn’t it?
To some extent I think it’s actually true for everyone. While there are varying degrees of pain and suffering that we hold onto, still (and only you know this) there are things we struggle to let go and struggle to forget.
Writing them out can help. Empathy and understanding from others helps. Keeping them locked in has not helped anyone.
So let go of it and tell me.
What has happened to you?
we’re used to it
July 19 2010
What bothers me the most about greed, violence, apathy, selfishness, pollution, poverty and cruelty is that we’re used to it.
What bothers me the most about greed, violence, apathy, selfishness, pollution, poverty and cruelty is that we’re used to it.
I am back with quotes from famous people
July 16 2010
“The Bomb? Well actually my wife gets most of the credit for that one. I was developing the first microwave oven and she tried to cook eggs with an iron skillet.. ” – Robert Oppenheimer
“It was just a joke really. I was trying to explain mathematically why relatives are so annoying so I started with the idea that Einsteins = Miserable Company squared. It’s amazing what the scientific community are willing to take and run with.” – Albert Einstein
“Well it should be pretty clear to everyone now what a great actor I am. Most of the characters I’ve portrayed are really nice people.” – Mel Gibson
I admit that my claims of hearing God’s words were just a tactic to get people to donate, but then one day, I woke up and he really did speak to me in a loud voice. He told me quite clearly to “Shut the Fuck Up”. – Jerry Falwell
“Ha ha ha..yeah, I was pissed.” – God
“The Bomb? Well actually my wife gets most of the credit for that one. I was developing the first microwave oven and she tried to cook eggs with an iron skillet.. ” – Robert Oppenheimer
“It was just a joke really. I was trying to explain mathematically why relatives are so annoying so I started with the idea that Einsteins = Miserable Company squared. It’s amazing what the scientific community are willing to take and run with.” – Albert Einstein
“Well it should be pretty clear to everyone now what a great actor I am. Most of the characters I’ve portrayed are really nice people.” – Mel Gibson
I admit that my claims of hearing God’s words were just a tactic to get people to donate, but then one day, I woke up and he really did speak to me in a loud voice. He told me quite clearly to “Shut the Fuck Up”. – Jerry Falwell
“Ha ha ha..yeah, I was pissed.” – God
I am going to...
July 15 2010
...take a little vacation. Seems the time for that has come. So yeah, I hope all my Blogger friends won't completely forget about me...;)...and I ll be back in 10 to 15 days. I ll miss you ALL...& I'm sure I'll be peeking at your Blog posts every now & then still. Take care!
~Your friend,
Prabhu
~Your friend,
Prabhu
Winner of my 600th blog Giveaway is....
July 14 2010
She remembered something specifically about me. And I love that! It was a pretty BIG thing when I was thinking of who should win this giveaway. My first question was Name TWO of my favorite persons? I was very happy she remembered I LOVED my brother SARAVANAN Anna and her daughter KRITHI(they are my all-time favorite persons)
The second one was If you could describe MY BLOG in 3 words, what would those words be?
she answered Feel Love Life.
And the third question was If I were stuck on a desert island, name 3 things you think I would bring. And her answer is
1. Computer with Internet data card
2. My Corby Phone
3. AR Rahman's Cd's
Thanks SO much to ALL who participated in this giveaway. I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently for a while. I appreciate that. So all I need now is for you to email me your address. Please congrat her everyone...
She remembered something specifically about me. And I love that! It was a pretty BIG thing when I was thinking of who should win this giveaway. My first question was Name TWO of my favorite persons? I was very happy she remembered I LOVED my brother SARAVANAN Anna and her daughter KRITHI(they are my all-time favorite persons)
The second one was If you could describe MY BLOG in 3 words, what would those words be?
she answered Feel Love Life.
And the third question was If I were stuck on a desert island, name 3 things you think I would bring. And her answer is
1. Computer with Internet data card
2. My Corby Phone
3. AR Rahman's Cd's
And she is none other than SRUTHI
Meme 2wenty
July 13 2010
Another About Me Meme
1. Are you currently in a serious relationship?
Serious....seriously Nope ....;(
2. What was your dream growing up?
I wanted to travel to Australia ...but I don't have any idea how to.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
The talent to make money...literally...to have my own money-makin' machine.
4. If I bought you a drink, what would it be?
A White Russian, yum.
5. What was the last book you read?
Oooo, don't know...I never get very far in books.
6. What zodiac sign are you?
Gemini.
7. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
No piercings (except ears...which one hole always closes up, ergh!). No Tattoo.
8. Worst habit?
Terrible attention span.
9. What is your favorite sport?
I don't care for sports.
10. Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
Both...but overall I'm pretty optimistic.
11. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
If I really have to think about it, then it can't even be normal right?!? Honestly I was in jail for 13days.
12. Tell me one weird fact about you.
I don't know if this is WEIRD or what but you ll be despise about me!
13. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
How could they be cute? They are terribly creepy!
14. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would like to no scars in me quite often.
15. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Clearly Conscience.
16. Ever been arrested?
YES!.
17. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Travel overseas...visit Australia.
18. What's your favorite place to hang out at?
Topslip is nice.
19. Do you believe in ghosts?
I've never seen one...so I'm unsure.
20. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Computers, spend time in my room alone.
21. Do you swear a lot?
If I have a reason to.....;)
22. Biggest pet peeve?
Greedy people!
23. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Someone once called me "eccentric." I asked if that was a good or bad thing, she said good. ^_^
24. Do you believe/appreciate romance?
Oh I believe it...and I appreciate it!
25. Do you believe in God?
No.
Enjoy your Monday. I'm actually going to a shower....errrgh...
Another About Me Meme
1. Are you currently in a serious relationship?
Serious....seriously Nope ....;(
2. What was your dream growing up?
I wanted to travel to Australia ...but I don't have any idea how to.
3. What talent do you wish you had?
The talent to make money...literally...to have my own money-makin' machine.
4. If I bought you a drink, what would it be?
A White Russian, yum.
5. What was the last book you read?
Oooo, don't know...I never get very far in books.
6. What zodiac sign are you?
Gemini.
7. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
No piercings (except ears...which one hole always closes up, ergh!). No Tattoo.
8. Worst habit?
Terrible attention span.
9. What is your favorite sport?
I don't care for sports.
10. Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
Both...but overall I'm pretty optimistic.
11. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
If I really have to think about it, then it can't even be normal right?!? Honestly I was in jail for 13days.
12. Tell me one weird fact about you.
I don't know if this is WEIRD or what but you ll be despise about me!
13. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
How could they be cute? They are terribly creepy!
14. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would like to no scars in me quite often.
15. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Clearly Conscience.
16. Ever been arrested?
YES!.
17. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Travel overseas...visit Australia.
18. What's your favorite place to hang out at?
Topslip is nice.
19. Do you believe in ghosts?
I've never seen one...so I'm unsure.
20. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Computers, spend time in my room alone.
21. Do you swear a lot?
If I have a reason to.....;)
22. Biggest pet peeve?
Greedy people!
23. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Someone once called me "eccentric." I asked if that was a good or bad thing, she said good. ^_^
24. Do you believe/appreciate romance?
Oh I believe it...and I appreciate it!
25. Do you believe in God?
No.
Enjoy your Monday. I'm actually going to a shower....errrgh...
Some times... Meme 9teen
July 12 2010
Sometimes I just need: A hug .
Sometimes I want: To wake and know someone really does love me besides my parents.
Sometimes I like to: know what is going on in my head.
Sometimes all it takes: Is a little too much vodka and before you know it someone have got you again!!
Sometimes I picture: What you all look like funny.
Sometimes I wish: I had one chance.
Sometimes I find: no one cares for me at most inconvenient times.
Sometimes I take: great joy in learning new things.
Sometimes I look: like a lazy idiot.
Sometimes I hate: myself for having a heart.
Sometimes it’s nice: to be told you are loved.
Sometimes it hurts: to be alive.
Sometimes it makes me happy: to see my parents laughing especially when they are alone.
Sometimes it’s sad: to eat dinner alone at night, but then you only have to please yourself as to what you cook or don't.
Sometimes I listen: to AR Rahman at night to help me sleep.
Sometimes I sleep: with my arms and legs wrapped around my pillow.
Sometimes I like to watch: how people act around each other especially in town or at the traffic lights.
Sometimes I feel: all it takes is a smile and good manners, they are free.
Sometimes I rant: when my bro guru asks me something.
Sometimes I never: let my nails grow.
Sometimes I really: wish she could see and feel what I see and feel....
Sometimes I just need: A hug .
Sometimes I want: To wake and know someone really does love me besides my parents.
Sometimes I like to: know what is going on in my head.
Sometimes all it takes: Is a little too much vodka and before you know it someone have got you again!!
Sometimes I picture: What you all look like funny.
Sometimes I wish: I had one chance.
Sometimes I find: no one cares for me at most inconvenient times.
Sometimes I take: great joy in learning new things.
Sometimes I look: like a lazy idiot.
Sometimes I hate: myself for having a heart.
Sometimes it’s nice: to be told you are loved.
Sometimes it hurts: to be alive.
Sometimes it makes me happy: to see my parents laughing especially when they are alone.
Sometimes it’s sad: to eat dinner alone at night, but then you only have to please yourself as to what you cook or don't.
Sometimes I listen: to AR Rahman at night to help me sleep.
Sometimes I sleep: with my arms and legs wrapped around my pillow.
Sometimes I like to watch: how people act around each other especially in town or at the traffic lights.
Sometimes I feel: all it takes is a smile and good manners, they are free.
Sometimes I rant: when my bro guru asks me something.
Sometimes I never: let my nails grow.
Sometimes I really: wish she could see and feel what I see and feel....
Reserved for only you
July 11 2010
You've become a memory
Our days together seem so far from me
like fog on glass, it’s so hard to see
into the other side.
Time ticks on and the world keeps spinning
but memories of two loves grinning
are so distant they start dimming
leaving me alone.
Yet despite the distance; the miles away
in your hands my heart does stay
my love untarnished, without decay
is reserved for only you.
This is what I like to say her....
It’s been too painful
July 10 2010
I've struggled making a post because I wanted to write something in response to the person (Anonymous - ss) who recently comments on my post. I really thank for your kind and energetic words. But life it’s been too painful to continue with it.
The juxtaposition of me and her personalities was emotional complexions. Writing caused me to mentally re-experience some of the neglect and abuse of my past and I’m not willing to do that. I still want to keep it buried. It defines me.
I felt relief when I allowed myself to throw out the post and then I listened to a song which I’ve listened to many times before, except I really heard it this time.
“Do you carry every sadness with you
Every hour your heart was broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with you”
Someone wrote that. I don’t think they could have unless they had an understanding of deep emotional pain or else a hell of a lot of empathy.
It touches me because it’s the very explanation of how I live. Don’t think of me enjoying life because it doesn't happen and I never allow myself relief from my sadness. My spirit is mortally wounded. I don't have the blues, I am not coming out of this, this is my burden, I can’t let go.
I've struggled making a post because I wanted to write something in response to the person (Anonymous - ss) who recently comments on my post. I really thank for your kind and energetic words. But life it’s been too painful to continue with it.
The juxtaposition of me and her personalities was emotional complexions. Writing caused me to mentally re-experience some of the neglect and abuse of my past and I’m not willing to do that. I still want to keep it buried. It defines me.
I felt relief when I allowed myself to throw out the post and then I listened to a song which I’ve listened to many times before, except I really heard it this time.
“Do you carry every sadness with you
Every hour your heart was broken
Every night the fear and darkness
Lay down with you”
Someone wrote that. I don’t think they could have unless they had an understanding of deep emotional pain or else a hell of a lot of empathy.
It touches me because it’s the very explanation of how I live. Don’t think of me enjoying life because it doesn't happen and I never allow myself relief from my sadness. My spirit is mortally wounded. I don't have the blues, I am not coming out of this, this is my burden, I can’t let go.
I Blame Myself
July 8 2010
All the terrible feelings are coming back. Unhappiness, not belonging, not feeling at home, no direction, loneliness, all these things. I want to start over. I can’ t stand anything about myself. I can’t stand anything about anyone else either. Someone asked me what I thought about Anipra ugh! Every time I hear her name some of my brain cells die. I began to think how if I were an animal I’d dig a hole and die in it.
Nothing seems to have a point anymore, at least I can’t find any. People are so fake and make themselves more important than they actually are; embellishment is the status. I’m nothing and I freely admit it. I am a waste of human flesh and don’t deserve the breath I breathe. Why am I here? Others deserve my place.
I blame myself.
All the terrible feelings are coming back. Unhappiness, not belonging, not feeling at home, no direction, loneliness, all these things. I want to start over. I can’ t stand anything about myself. I can’t stand anything about anyone else either. Someone asked me what I thought about Anipra ugh! Every time I hear her name some of my brain cells die. I began to think how if I were an animal I’d dig a hole and die in it.
Nothing seems to have a point anymore, at least I can’t find any. People are so fake and make themselves more important than they actually are; embellishment is the status. I’m nothing and I freely admit it. I am a waste of human flesh and don’t deserve the breath I breathe. Why am I here? Others deserve my place.
I blame myself.
Take me where pain can’t find me...
July 7 2010
Take me to the place
where I can be free
Where pain can’t find me
Where the rivers aren’t salty with tears
Where words are useless
Because feelings tell the story.
Where there are
No misunderstandings
No abuse
No pain
No wound
No tears
No worry and
No chance of being too late.
Take my hand
Take me to the place I long for
Take me to the place where lots of love
Take me to the place where lots of laughs
Take me to the place of peace.
Take me to you
Lead me
Hug me
Kiss me
Love me &
Feel me ......
Take me to the place
where I can be free
Where pain can’t find me
Where the rivers aren’t salty with tears
Where words are useless
Because feelings tell the story.
Where there are
No misunderstandings
No abuse
No pain
No wound
No tears
No worry and
No chance of being too late.
Take my hand
Take me to the place I long for
Take me to the place where lots of love
Take me to the place where lots of laughs
Take me to the place of peace.
Take me to you
Lead me
Hug me
Kiss me
Love me &
Feel me ......
Drowning in the lost love
July 6 2010
I hate what I've done to her. what she’s done to me.
I cry out in pain.
The tears fall down my cheeks.
Empty.
I feel empty.
Without her.
Without her warmth.
Care.
Want.
Desire.
Love.
I miss her.
She doesn't needs me.
I want her.
But now
She’s gone.
Like a magician and his puff of smoke.
Just… Gone.
Time freezes.
And I sit here.
Alone.
Pitiful
Can’t breathe.
Can’t swallow.
Drowning in the lost love.
Of her.
Of me.
I feel what she feels
But she doesn't feels what I feel.
We lay
Alone.
But together.
Only with the essence of who we were
So yes.
Emptiness is what I feel
Without her....
I hate what I've done to her. what she’s done to me.
I cry out in pain.
The tears fall down my cheeks.
Empty.
I feel empty.
Without her.
Without her warmth.
Care.
Want.
Desire.
Love.
I miss her.
She doesn't needs me.
I want her.
But now
She’s gone.
Like a magician and his puff of smoke.
Just… Gone.
Time freezes.
And I sit here.
Alone.
Pitiful
Can’t breathe.
Can’t swallow.
Drowning in the lost love.
Of her.
Of me.
I feel what she feels
But she doesn't feels what I feel.
We lay
Alone.
But together.
Only with the essence of who we were
So yes.
Emptiness is what I feel
Without her....
I am talking about me...
July 5 2010
I see a star and wish upon it that one day everyone could disappear or I could die,in my mind there is silence in the real world theres nothing I care about. I wanna not see and hear anyone and the things people tell me keeps getting worser and worser asking myself
He grew up and saw the real truth
He was introduce to the real world he found hatred
He found better
He knows better than what he used to know.
Guess what the man was hiding and hanging? what the wrong crowd and you would think he learned his lesson by now to yet but soon he will in time until that day comes...
I switched from ME to HE and don't ask
Why won't they go away...
I see a star and wish upon it that one day everyone could disappear or I could die,in my mind there is silence in the real world theres nothing I care about. I wanna not see and hear anyone and the things people tell me keeps getting worser and worser asking myself
WHY I'M SUFFERING?
and
WHY DOESN'T WISHES COME TRUE?.
People ask what happened to that
FUN,
HAPPY
and
ROMANTIC PRABHU?
He was
He would answerHe grew up and saw the real truth
He was introduce to the real world he found hatred
He found better
He knows better than what he used to know.
Guess what the man was hiding and hanging? what the wrong crowd and you would think he learned his lesson by now to yet but soon he will in time until that day comes...
I'M TALKING ABOUT ME.
I switched from ME to HE and don't ask
Why won't they go away...
Walking in the Rain
July 4 2010
Am I just walking in the rain,
Or am I crying?
Makes no difference to you.
You can’t see the silent tears,
That I’ve hidden throughout the years.
You can’t see the scars I hide.
Or the stains of tears I’ve cried.
You can’t see my blackened heart,
Or the life I have loathed from the start.
You can’t see what I’m possessed to be,
Or what’s really inside of me.
Am I just walking in the rain,
Or am I crying?
Makes no difference to you.
You can’t see the silent tears,
That I’ve hidden throughout the years.
You can’t see the scars I hide.
Or the stains of tears I’ve cried.
You can’t see my blackened heart,
Or the life I have loathed from the start.
You can’t see what I’m possessed to be,
Or what’s really inside of me.
I love myself...
July 3 2010
If there is 100 people in the room and if suddenly a dragon came,it will choose only me to kill.Only I will be unlucky among all. This happens every times. I build my house with hopes,and it get broken every time.
Why i am so unlucky?
Why i have to face all bad things every time??
What is my fault???
I am a general person with some general dream and wish in my life. Then why you choose me to destroy. I just want to ask this question to the god,when I will be there. I have no support. When everyone needs me,they come with there sweet words and use me and then leave me. I hate those people,unfortunately they are all around me. No one to care about me. I am the one in this world who born with bad luck and unsuccessful. I am very positive and hardworking person I don't want to die. Thats why I still can’t cut my nerves, I cut my hands,but just can’t kill myself. Cause I love my self. I deserve a good peaceful life. I don't know,how many days I will survive. I heard that god helps those people who tries.But I think he changed the rule for me. I just lost interest of everything in this world.I dont want to born again in this hell world.
If there is 100 people in the room and if suddenly a dragon came,it will choose only me to kill.Only I will be unlucky among all. This happens every times. I build my house with hopes,and it get broken every time.
Why i am so unlucky?
Why i have to face all bad things every time??
What is my fault???
I am a general person with some general dream and wish in my life. Then why you choose me to destroy. I just want to ask this question to the god,when I will be there. I have no support. When everyone needs me,they come with there sweet words and use me and then leave me. I hate those people,unfortunately they are all around me. No one to care about me. I am the one in this world who born with bad luck and unsuccessful. I am very positive and hardworking person I don't want to die. Thats why I still can’t cut my nerves, I cut my hands,but just can’t kill myself. Cause I love my self. I deserve a good peaceful life. I don't know,how many days I will survive. I heard that god helps those people who tries.But I think he changed the rule for me. I just lost interest of everything in this world.I dont want to born again in this hell world.
The Forgotten Heart...
July 2 2010
I am not good in writing poetries but I tried some what....
Happiness lays wasted,
Times now dead and gone,
Sadness consuming now,
Innocence taken,
No choices,
Yourself once hated,
A life now void of meaning.
Clutched in sorrow, no way out,
Judgment not clouded,
I’m Free
A lifeless body on looked by faces
All my memories erased
Fly on broken wings,
A lucid dream,
A mind no longer by a disease of pain
A permanent ending, lasting eternity
Never selfish, loved all, lay waste to vanity,
Another statistic, a suicide, always remembered.
Carved in my wrists, the solution finally exists,
Drowned in eternity, a broken heart
Never heals, Pain never erased
Take your wings, now broken,
Because its a forgotten heart......
I am not good in writing poetries but I tried some what....
Happiness lays wasted,
Times now dead and gone,
Sadness consuming now,
Innocence taken,
No choices,
Yourself once hated,
A life now void of meaning.
Clutched in sorrow, no way out,
Judgment not clouded,
I’m Free
A lifeless body on looked by faces
All my memories erased
Fly on broken wings,
A lucid dream,
A mind no longer by a disease of pain
A permanent ending, lasting eternity
Never selfish, loved all, lay waste to vanity,
Another statistic, a suicide, always remembered.
Carved in my wrists, the solution finally exists,
Drowned in eternity, a broken heart
Never heals, Pain never erased
Take your wings, now broken,
Because its a forgotten heart......
NERD Of The year
July 1 2010
PS: Sruthi my friend send me this picture
If you say that someone is a nerd, you mean that they are stupid or ridiculous, especially because they wear unfashionable clothes or show too much interest in computers or science.
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